I think what scares me about love the most is falling.
The moment of looking deep into his eyes as we both accept each others grin of approval. He'll then take me by the hand and begin to walk with me in complete silence, which will only hand me off to the next one.
Falling.
The moment he tells me I'm everything that he's been looking for because he's never reeled someone in. But I caught on and I thought that the bait would last forever, but it would never be enough for me, which would only hand me off to the next one.
Falling.
The moment I know I want to be serious with him and I forcibly try to make things work. Thinking that if we both dictate each others lives that we could finally live happily ever after. But, the end. This would only hand me off to the next one.
Falling.
The moment we tell each other we're perfect for each other and we want to be together forever. Because we're soulmates. But, you took my soul and we both overstayed our time together. Though the sweetest love, a bitter end. Which would only hand me off to the next one.
Falling.
This shall be continued when I fall again.

I hate to say this, but I'm sorry for leaving you behind.
You say it's easy to love someone through the good, but when challenged, the bad will show you if you'll stay.
And I didn't stay. I knew I had to leave.
I hate to say this, but I'm better without you.
They say not to jump from the boiling *** into the frying pan, but I didn't listen and I leaped in headfirst.
I found someone new. He's the best that's ever happened.
I hate to say this, but I'm moving forward with my life.
I say that when given a new chapter, write it as wild, and with the experience of loving you, I can give him something new.
I am giving him something new. It's time to bury our love, let it go. Let it grow and if it needs tending to, maybe I'll come back in the future when things are better. When things are right.
I'll take a shovel and dig at our dirt to find what was once our treasure of gold.
But for now, let it sink. Let it soak. Move on. Like I did.

You tell me I'm beautiful and I don't believe it. The last person that told that to me made me believe that for once I was worth something; that I was someone's sweet rose with thorns disappearing. It was a mistake to let my guard down and think how beautiful I could be when every word was a lie and in the end, I was bitter and created into a **** wanting to be pulled out of this wretched grown and tossed into a bin full of lost words and other weeds like me.  

But when you told me, I believed it because I thought you would never lie; you were kind and innocent and I believed everything you said. I grew the confidence of an angel and the glow of the sun. The next thing I knew, my halo was broken and my star faded into nothingness.

You told me they were prettier with their curves as smooth as froth on the beach and their skin as radiant as the northern lights. I'll admit too I was mesmerized, but I started to treat myself like a deserted island that no one wanted to set sail to. I did so much for you and the others didn't.

Will their beauty let you rest easy in their hardworking hands and calm you like the distressed cyclops inside you? Would their lips move mountains or their wings carry you higher than you wanted to be? The answer is no.

Their beautiful is different than mine. See, I am capable of saving you from being lonely and the heal you from the brokenness that was of your childhood. I am eligible to keep secrets about your past and guide you to a mesmerizing destination, which is your future.

My beautiful is different; persuasive in seconds and luring like Afrodite. I know I am beautiful, but you will never truly speak of it.

And what scares me is that
you knew how to do everything
you were happy with the small things
and I don't know how to do anything
my mind wanders to dark places.

How am I supposed to teach myself
the things that you were supposed to?
I feel like I'm always writing until I
reach a cliff and have nothing to say.

Will you answer me?

The fog is carried away and no more mist and dew drops on the flowers, but showers on my face.
A year ago I had everything in life and I was saying goodbye to school and hello to funerals.
How could you be gone when you're face was alive in my mind and your voice still created the same cackle it does.
When I opened the casket I saw the only thing that was alive was your memory, and how much we loved you.
They rolled you away and burned you into beautiful, delicate ashes just as gentle as the fog
Boxed in and wasn't going to be let out until you gave me that sign. One last gift.
Instead of holding you like a gift I didn't want to let go, I needed to unwrap you and spill you out.
You are free and vast as the ocean now. You will always be in my mind.
Like when I got the phone call and dew drops turned into waterfalls and bird chirps turned into screams of anxiousness.
I couldn't hold back. I couldn't let you go.
Just like May showers, you were here and you're gone.
Now the grass is less green, the flowers yearn for you to come back, and I can't forget you. I just need you to come back.

I can't teach you to love again
that's something you learn on your own.
But one thing I can teach you about it is
that you see, feel, and face love.

It's in that phone call to mom; talking about anything and everything.
It's when a stranger opens the door for you or
you for them; it's that 2-second gap to
say thank you or you're welcome.

It's making sure not to call him or her because that's love for yourself;
knowing when enough is enough.
It's through that cold splash of water in the morning
and seeing your towel in the mirror wiping the ugly
of the night before off your face.

It's buying a new dress and twirling around in it; like a colored, swirl lollipop.
It's knowing you are good enough for yourself; the one and only being that's been with you from day one.

You. You are good enough for yourself
live life to all you can imagine
and believe. achieve. act
you are your one and only, wisdom holder

Why do I have to cake my face every day,
or workout for me to be okay?
Why do I have to starve myself at night,
just so the next day I feel light?
Why do we strive for the hourglass,
and on social media show our ***?
Why do I have to get my nails done,
do all of these really prove I am "the one"?
Why do we do this chaos to our body,
just to find our place in society?
I want to be the one to change,
the one the "it" girls may label as strange.

Why is it that
I want my words to spill over
but even the most honest words I sing
hurt the people I love the most
why is it we want the truth
but when it's coming for us
we take cover like a mudslide
is about to unravel.
You told me to speak my words
and I spoke them. I gave
you honest thoughts, my human nature,
but you evacuated.
You yourself didn't want my truth.
Now I'm flooded with emotions
and you still can't handle
me or my words
because it would drown you.

You have to take a heartbreak day by day,
make sure you never call and say
I LOVE YOU

Because those three vicious words will not
be said back and heʻll froth with
ʻYOU ARE CRAZYʻ

You may shoot your shot again and again
but if it doensʻt happen
GET BACK UP

Because a person like you will be hard to
forget in their mind even when they try not to
YOUʻRE STILL THERE

But by the time you move on to bigger things in like
those words will stab your back and front with a knife
ʻI MISS YOUʻ

And by the time you **** well know
never to look back and never go to
TAKE THEM BACK

Be proud of yourself although it may hurt
And never ever go back just to flirt
youʻve moved on
for the better.

The waves inside me
would sway you like kelp.
Until you drown or drift.
My tide of words will
lure you in like the
sand ***** buried under
My water line of process
would confuse you and
keep you fearing for the worst.
But please, drown in me.
Iʻd like to claim you
as my own sunken ship.
A treasure people wonʻt know
Unless they dive in deeper too.

Everyone holds back
When they are told something
they donʻt like hearing
Instead of getting straight
to the point
Help me to get the point.

I know what you think
my mind is keeping me up
but itʻs you.
The moon doesnʻt care,
the wind wouldnʻt dare
itʻs about how itʻs us two.
You know the way I trust
and I want only us
but I can feel myself tug at
my mind.
Because when I think about you,
and feel like a fool
You come out of nowhere and shine.

I feel pathetic
for caring about someone
whom I call my own
but I feel so soft trying to call for them.

Excuse after excuse
made up words and jibble jabble
every made up word
could not make up
how I feel right now

I know we're made to care
but I care too much for you
and you could give less
for me

And what breaks my heart is
I don't want to talk to you
because every time with you
it's always my fault.

Everything's always my fault.

Last year was so much different at this time.
We fought on what we wanted
And what you wanted obviously wasn't me.
You wanted freedom
And I gave you freedom
You didn't want words
You wanted actions.
You gave me chance
after chance to change.
But I've realized now,
Why I was so difficult then.
Because I wanted my freedom too.

There is no such thing as 'forever'
because someone will
break your heart.
And at that very moment
You will have to realize
"Forever" turns out
To be "For nothing."

The clock is ticking and I cannot wait
For us to be together someday
I want to forget all the betray
And I know it's just a summer away
So that again in my life I can finally say
You are mine again now all is okay.

You know what *****? YOU. You had to go out into the world and leave me hanging off the edge of it. You always made me happy with the way we'd sing, the way we'd tease each other, the way you'd grumble. You'd always make me frustrated with your repetitive asking of questions, your trust issues, and your sadness. You always mesmerized me by the way we'd lay next to each other. My head on your chest, hands intertwined. Now they're just a big mess and your eyes tell me lies and your smile has evil and your voice is cold and your songs show how much you don't care and your words sound useless. So don't go blaming every wrong I did when you had so many. So many that slithered passed me. So many that wrapped around my neck causing me to break free of the bonds that once held the story of we. Now this chapter has been closed but I'd like to write a sequel in which we see each other once again yet older and much mature. Instead of sloppy hickeys around my *******, why not sweet kisses on my neck. Instead of feeling me, why don't you FEEL me. I want to delete the part where I said I didn't love you and replace it with more stronger phrases like how much you meant the world to me because you lit it up like a fused bomb and molded me into someone I never thought I could be. Now I have to pretend you were nothing. But the pictures  have evidence and the videos have tears wrapped around every time I click 'play' and you make me fall in love by just being the you I always wanted. But I have to remember my needs over wants. So take all you have against me and go away because the rain is leaving also and the smiles of the sun are here to tell me it'll all get better by tomorrow.

and sometimes I wish I could change what happened
Make the kisses last
Repeat things from the past
Sharing secrets in the light
You holding me through the everlasting night.
Walking down the beach spinning me around
Take me on adventures out of this town
Watching you drive into the future of we
And turning this nightmare back to the way it's suppose to be.

It's so hard to be over someone that you once had in your arms
It's so hard to embrace the change and to understand you're gone
It's hard to forgive you for leaving in my time of need
It's hard to reject being torn apart by what once was you and me.

Stars shine tonight
To reflect the beams in your eyes
Wind blows nice and easy
Just as if taking a breath
While we kissed
Goodnight to you
And I'm sorry we
Can't change anything.

You make the bee stings and the mosquito itches feel like it’s not such a big deal.
You make the coldest days and hottest nights so much more opposite.
With you, It feels where I’m suppose to be. I don’t have to act like anything but myself around you.
I don’t have to care if my hair is a lions mayne. I don’t have to care if my nail polish isn’t dry.
I love you like this; speechless it is.
You nearly take my breath away.
I would do anything for you.
I would wait at the top of a mountain and haul the sun to bring you comfort.
I’d sit on the moon just to watch you from every angle.
You make me feel like I don’t have a voice and all I can do is look at you.
Look at how your smile makes everyone stop forever and just smile back like I do.
You know me better than I know myself. Sometimes with you I forget who I am because I know what I want to become and that’s yours forever.
You will never understand how much your love has taken a toll on me.
I love you and won’t change the feeling for any kind of attention.

It's been 2 months
Since we parted
But we've been
Together for 2 years
It's probably warm
Where you are
But I'm still here
Recovering from
The coldness of
Your words
It's so hard to
Wait for closure
From someone like you
But you're worth it
So I'll wait.

He holds my hand with gratitude and heroism and warms them with the truth of his breath.
You let go of my hand and left me holding onto your cold heart.
He smiles like it's time to spread the warm sheets out on the cold mattress and hopping into bed feeling at ease.
Your smile was agony and ecstasy in which I always wanted to see, but killed me the times I did.
He kisses soft sweet kisses and when I open my eyes to look at this sunlit face, I see nothing but simplicity and contentment.
Your kisses were angelic and broken for they were never promised and never a surprise, but something so soreal.
Yet he doesn't have my heart yet because you haven't given it back.
And to tell you the truth, I'm still waiting and I'd still wait.

Close your eyes gently
As if you were to kiss me
Remember the times
Where you held me
And promised me
To better ourselves
Change this nightmare
Into a sweet baby Dream
And open your eyes
As if the kiss was over.

I rather have you than a thousand of the best summers because you come with all the best seasons.
You’re like winter when the cold wind lingers under my bed sheets and into my skin.
You’re like winter because a cold night mixed with warm sheets completes my soul like you do.
You’re like spring when the fresh flowers and dew rise up to say a beautiful hello I fall in love.
You’re like Spring because you have the most beautiful smile just like the sun setting with significant glows of red.
You’re like Summer, the best season ever, pressing on my cheeks like the warm sun.
You’re like Summer when the nights are longer to linger in the shadows where my imagination lingers.
Above all things I cherish your seasons because you have the feeling that is never ending.

You'll never remember the time we first held hands
Fingers intertwined with a smile that felt like a new morning.
You'll always forget the times that you drove me everywhere
And when no cars were passing we tried to kiss.
You'll never understand how I felt when I first looked into your eyes and said I love you.
Yet I'll always remember the bitter end and the fire of your goodbye.