Independence .. From the shoulds and shouldn'ts  
Independence .. I'm thirsty to explore
My soul yearns to sail at sea .. My body chains me to the shore
Chains are only people .. Only minds afraid to look

And I .. I slowly start liberating from the rules in their book

Can I skip ahead in line, please?

Surely You can see ..

Plans haven't been going as planned
I've been roaming endlessly  

I need not to say my goodbyes
They've waived me that dance, You see -

I tried jumping out of Earth last time
But I just fell back into the seas

It's like swimming in oceanic galaxies
Suffocating on infinite catastrophes

Just as my head reaches the surface
The heavens collapse over me

They say I know nothing of my tears -
Nor of the world I sense or feel

So they caged me deep within their ribs, You see -
They claim it is safer in here ..

My breaths are only fading, inside
My eyes have not the strength to seek -
The light on the other side of their flesh -
Of their flesh in which they buried me

So I have been roaming endlessly ..

Wounded. Lost. Cannot breathe ..
Befriended by tears. Blinded. I know not of sleep

I see souls in a queue not ready to leave;
They have exhales from inhales yet to be breathed

But I'm just an ink-less broken feather
Over papers I weep
I cannot write down my sorrows
But I'm sure, You can see ..

I'm ready to die oh Lord!

Can I skip ahead in line, please?

My emotional compass is losing its gravitational pull ...

At times the direction dies still. At other times, it spins madly. 
I feel like I'm being crushed between two walls and drowned within thunder-clapping waves. Yet, on the surface of my ocean, the glass waters reflect a serene, tranquil light of the full moon hugging its night sky.   

I'm uncertain. I’m indecisive. I run away to the farthest, darkest corner of the forest. I also flee to the highest peaks and hide under sunlight. 

I'm not fearful of destruction. I'm fearful of being destructive. I tend to destruct myself by destructing the souls I cherish most. Nightmares of finding myself in abandoned emptiness haunt me. I fear being left, so I walk away. I fear being loved deeply, so I push them away. And this ... this is where I become destructive. 

I say I’m seeking peaceful stability, when truthfully...? My soul is gushing across the ends of the earth all at once. Maybe I find peace in the chaos. Maybe I just feed on chaos. 

I throw my soul into the deepest wells of love. I find myself abruptly climbing back to the surface, clawing my way up those walls. And just as I nearly reach the top, I intentionally let go of myself only to fall back in. The record breaks on replay. 

I gather myself, set the records straight then let them role into chaos once more. Once More replays itself endlessly through the space and time of my existence, and my life turns into a repetition of these "once more" chaotic events. Secret be told, I think I enjoy all of this. All so exciting and lively at that moment. Alas, dreadful at points of reality checks. Lifeless at the destination. 

So…? I gather myself and set the records straight again ...  once more ... once more, again ... and again ... 

Helpless. But wild. 
Wild. But easily tamed. 
Tamed. But cannot be owned. 

Gently handle my being. I'm too stubborn ... Even with my own self. Yet, I also feel ever so delicate and fragile. I can easily break at my own grip.

I’ll tell you how … 

It's all in the simplicities - which can also turn into complexities - found in the sun’s golden hour. Yellow rays against my skin. Illuminated dust particles dancing through my fingers. A warm whisper. That bold dive. Grab me by the extremes. 

Right now .. I think I’m coming up with a case of the blues. 
So, come … Dip me not in the rainbow, but in the *** of gold at the far end. 

Take me all the way ... The noise, it enchants me. 

Be still my heart, it’s him … Chaos.

Does it sting you?
The way I look at you
Because baby, you’re like alcohol
to my bleeding cuts
whenever you look at me

Do my kisses revive your being?
Because baby,
your kisses only **** me
as I inhale the traces
of nicotine in your breath

Do our songs make you yearn
for my fingertips
caressing your hands
as we drive into the night?
Because baby,
my internals screech
for your touch
Baby, I hate our songs

Do you feel yourself suffocating
every night?
As I step out
when you drop me off
Because baby,
I feel myself falling
out of your skyscrapers
and into the cold abyss
of black skies

Does the word goodbye
asphyxiate your lungs
as you enunciate it?
Because baby,
my lungs collapse
as my ribcage closes in
to hug them when
your hugs are no longer there
to contain me

Yes
I exaggerate
in the ways that I miss you

Yes
It hurts me
the way I love you

So let us say our goodbyes already

Baby please
just go

This one’s for
the kind hearted,
the compassionate,
the loving ..

The caring souls
like oceans
endlessly giving ..

The ones who
are always there
with open arms ..

It’s for the
beautiful lights,
my guiding stars ..

It’s for the ones
whose words echo,
the friendly voices
in my caves of thoughts ..

It’s for the
blissful blessings
dressed as people
sent from heaven,
from a loving God ..

I loved you as I gazed into the deep blue that fell onto the far off mountains of little islands with white shores

I loved you as I gazed into crystal waters .. And as vast as the seas would extend, I knew they would find you, they would reach you on the other end

I threw a rock into the ocean .. I blew wishes across the sea .. And with that one roaring wave, I knew, you've sent your love back to me

I loved you as I gazed into the reflections of blue sunny skies bestowing light upon blue droplets in oceanic waters that belonged to the vast, deep love I held for you

As I turned away, I heard the waters calling .. You were reaching into the distance of my soul .. I was tripping, stumbling and falling into the depths your caves behold

So, I promised myself to always remember ..

The far off mountains within crystal waters in which the rock I threw ..
The roaring wave to the wishes I've made across the shinning of blue ..
The longing calls gushing through echoing caves that have brought me to -
That time when I gazed across and beyond the blue waters ..

*Once, when I loved you

I am a sand clock in this passing life;
With every fallen sand grain is a drop of my heart beat

My breaths cease with yours as your grain passes through my hourglass

Yes, we are made of dust ..
And your grains of sand make me whole ..
A galactic dusty soul I am ..  carrying a universe that in a way is finitely endless

We fight as we unawarely head towards that narrow neck of a death bed
Grain, we seep through and fall onto the deathly base of the hourglass
It's where time sits still, frozen, looking up onto other falling sand grains in the repetition movements of hatred, anger and destruct

And my soul fails to stay awake as my organs of dust fall away ...

A breath of me dies with you
A blink of my sight grows weaker
A tear from eyes drops heavily into a mud puddle of my endless cries ..

As each one of you fades .. so do I

Your soul remains untouched;
A starless sky bearing silky hues of pure black

Come .. let my words of crimson stain your lips, as I whisper traces of my fragrance into your being

Come .. tilt your neck near my heavily breaths; let me blow dust of galactic nebulas across your flesh

Your silky blacks unfold into stained sheets of stardust whilst you rest within the depths of my galaxies tonight

Alas, my moonlit eyes cease into the sleeping curse of tomorrow's sun

But fear not ..

We shall meet at the dawn of my next moonlight, once again ..

My emotions are starting
to collapse
into my flesh
They’re seeping through
my veins
Physically
Feeding into my heart

We’ve created bonds
so pure
so precious
very deep
Bonds that now
are like invisible strings
of auroras
tangled through
the space and time
across countries
and continents

I want to pull onto
those strings
I want to pull them
closer
But they’re just light
and air

I can only pull
with my heart
which has already
collapsed
into its own depths
and onto itself

Veins start to shift
with arteries
I just don’t know anymore
what is it that
I am being given
by the world
And what is it
that I am giving out
I just cannot tell
what exactly is
flowing into my heart
and what it is
I’m trying to
exhale out

My body starts to lag
My cheeks viciously
feed on my tears
They don’t get the chance
to fall out
of my eyes
And just as they do
my tears dry
into my skin

And again ..

I can’t tell anymore
I feel
no more
Or perhaps my tears
have lost their way
They no longer know
what and whom
to cry for

Do you feel
what I’m trying to say?

You tell me
feelings transcend
across countries and continents
across oceans
Yet
your words cease
across my mirage-like cheeks
where my tears go
to dry

And then I remember
again
those bonds of hearts
like mine
like yours
like theirs
I remember the closeness
of our intertwining souls

All of you come
to memory
And your breaths
become my lullabies
to bed
as I try to remember
your inhales and exhales
your pulse
as I hugged
each and every
one of you

Then you put me
to sleep
for the night

When the little corners of life start to tap every bit of your soul ..

When you reach out to grasp something that you know is not there ..

When you close your eyes very tight just to open them again in hopes of seeing that very one miracle ..

When the wind blowing through your hair almost feels like secret breaths into your ears ..

When tears wrap around your throat from the mere thought of the empty left side of the bed tomorrow ..

When you lay in bed alone and can almost feel those hands bringing themselves to wrap your bones into existence ..

When hello's are early goodbye's of near longing ..

When goodbye's are early hello's of near joy ..

And that is when you know ..
You have only been living in the first minute of every hour

That is when you know ..
It is time to strike into the next minute

It is when you know ..
You're ready to fall into all of the seconds of each passing day

You finally know ..
You are ready to come home

I don't seem to know my way, but
I'm walking, still
I'm not sure where life will take me
Up or down the hill
I cry some days, then I
Smile through my tears
Might spend a day in bed, or
Lose track for years

But darling, I'm just me ..

I'll paint the light if I can't see
The lightness of my reality
And touch the skies, that I will
'Cross the mountains I'm walking, still

(music)

I don't seem to know myself, but
I feel alive
Though sometimes I surely feel like
I want to hide
From the crowd, from the sounds, from the faces
That corner of mine
And some days the hope within me
Is so divine

Oh darling, come with me ..

We'll wash the pain of yesterday
Run through meadows like we used to play
Send our hopes up afar
As they fly down with shooting stars

(music)

'Cause darling, don't you see ..

We don't seem to know our way, but
We're walking, still
We're not sure where life will take us
Up or down the hill
We all cry some days, then we
smile through our tears
Might spend a day in bed, or
Lose track for years

And we'll be walking, still

I feel like ...

All the poetry in the world has been shattered
All the poets have gone mute
All the stanzas have been dismantled
All the rhyming words are in dispute

I’m an alphabet of one letter
Choking on faded words
I’m suffocating on alliterations
Black bruises and broken back bones

It’s almost like my pulse is dropping syllables
17 … 7 … 5 … 3 …
Empty pages of lost haikus
As flat lines race death to flee

This broken heart weeps of hurt -
Of false promises, of wounded memories
My broken heart weeps of hurt
As my mourning tears fall into elegies

A rusted soul
Dissolving into dust
Seeping into the seabed
Washed away from shore

The lands no longer want me
The winds cannot sustain me no more

I'm sinking below right now
But in this drowning I will soar

Lately, I’ve been chasing the moon
To where it’s always night
Where the stars are always shining
They remind me of your eyes
Let your stardust blow through my ear
Like when you whispered to me
“I love you and I love the night, you’ll always find me here”

I’m sorry
for the craters on my body
make me incomplete
and the galaxies within me
are starting to deplete

I’m sorry
for my stars have misled you
along the way
and my darker-growing tunnel
has sent you astray

I’m sorry
for my skies carry clouds
of heavy rain
and the warmth of my sun
inflicts only burning pain

I’m sorry
for my waves have crashed
into your home
and my narrow caves
have broken your bones

I’m sorry
for my wilted spine
has crawled into the soil
and my withering gardens
have lost all joy

I’m sorry
for believing that I could
heavenly adorn
a mourning heart
with walls of thorns

Fear .. I have enough of it for the world
Fear .. Also known as my gravedigger
As I wrap myself in the most finest silks of fear ..
My grave .. It only gets deeper .. Only bigger

And I .. I find myself at the cemetery pouring the sand back into my grave

Friends .. I fell madly in love with a few
Alas .. I should have only kept them as so
Because friends .. Will unconditionally stand by you
Only if friends .. Aren't your lovers too

And I .. I screech within the depth of my being between holding on and letting go

I'm a nomad
I travel
from one thought
to another

I don't stay there for long
Each thought passes me
along to the other
and so on 

A trace
of a thin line
is always left behind
as I'm being passed over
And a spider web
of entangled lines
starts to form
amongst all those thoughts

Then I end up strangled 

Feelings start turning
into thoughts
and thoughts turn
into words
and words become
louder
and stronger


Suddenly
awareness arises


Doors
deep down the dungeons
of my head are
beginning to unlock themselves

I'm not fighting it
Not anymore

Acceptance
starts flowing within
Whilst the web
untangles
its innermost thoughts

Abused .. By the thoughts your mind rapes my life with
Abused .. By your words that linger heavily on my shoulders
Abused .. By the pathways of hell to heaven

And I .. I only tumble when I soar

stars fall to my lap
dimensions fading away
my galaxy dies

The sharp icicles of her soul are hitting the ground
One by one they are falling


Winter is fading away ..

Do you have food on your plate?
Do you have clothes on your skin?
Are your decisions left to fate?
Do you fear the life you're in?

Do you speak your loudest thoughts?
Do you have books to read? 
Do you even know the alphabet?
Are you always left to bleed?

Do you hide to pray at night?
Are beaten to your flesh?
Do you rub your skin white?
Do you have the freedom to express?

Many questions you ask ..
Many answers you seek ..

But it has always been one question ..
Is this humanity you see?

Take me with you
As you blow through my hair
Fly me far off
Swiftly
Up and anywhere

Take me with you
As you flow away from the shore
We’ll go join the others
In the deep
Blue core

Take me with you
As you set away from time
Let me rise with you
Elsewhere
Into another sky

Take me with you
As you pass through the light
My soul is longing
For what is beyond
My sight

For it is a soul like yours that brightens up your day ..

Dreams .. Are only at my fingertips
Dreams .. They seep into my veins
I'm drugged .. My body trembles
"You're high .. Up in your dreams", they claim

And I ..  I keep running after my dreams only to trip over my fingertips

This one’s for all the waves
That have flooded my boat
For the changes of wind
And all fate unsought  

It’s for the shifting constellations
That have left me astray
Yet it’s for a loving God
Who has shown me the way

This one’s for the heartfelt laughs
More so, it’s for the shedded tears
My growing soul, my grateful heart
My patient mind and overpowered fears

It’s for my everlasting hope
In a meadow always in bloom
Watered with my faith
Guarded by my seven moons