his hair is
his clothes are
his voice is
the scent just so
his hands are
his
he is.
his eyes are
they are happy
his eyes are happy
his eyes are his
imagine if they were yours
mine
i could become him
but would i
and if i could then will i
there are so many tears i hold they slip between my fingers
they could be his
would they be his
to become
to wish
and to imagine
is to feel
is it not
and with it pain.
falling sinking drowning
would his eyes be happy
will his eyes be happy
will his eyes be
will he
would it be for such
or is he never realized
indebted soul
to the theorized
im not sure if my hands are fuller
but either choice is incredible
to be offered
such a weight that is to water
it pins me to the floor
or to the wall it keeps me cornered
is this what it feels to be killed
or merely to have lived
and if latter
then perhaps
id like to know the former.

ah.
its been a minute
been around the block with my train ticket
travelin wicked fast with it in my hand missin all the scenery but bland cause it
not much
train dont stop for no **** but its your choice to go sit
to stay put and know this that you can jump ship
itll
keep you in hold you down whisk you away
make you forget why you just woke up today
just chuggin along takin its time but speeding for fun
got you rugged but calm, just restin in some methodical thoughts it could sweep you in routines hypnotic youll not
remember the windows again hear yourself in your head but instead coast through life leaving living on read
you gotta
open the door
lean out feel the wind but keep it open for sure
the grounds whippin by but youll be just fine one step more tuck n roll,
breathe.

thirty minute play time
sixty hour scroll
fifteen times of homework
and seventy to toll

finger on a screen
lines of all thats in
shapes that have been seen
speaks of what has been

a notebook closed on table
hunched back over the board
bringing grapefruit abled
cracked knuckles to the core

touch and sense and good
twice upon the body
water held in stood
two thirds of the laundry

music in my follicles
art inside my pores
theres feeling in my eyelids
emotions in my joints
and most of every single thing there is
the thought of it conjoined

uno día voy a morir, ¿y para qué?
para la gente, la tierra, el cielo, a ella
estrellas en su cabello
ella está tan lejos
y estoy aquí.
no allí no allá, no es para mí
comprendo y sé
pero no me gusta aunque
es cierto.
la puerta cerrada, abierta y cada
vez la paso en la casa en cada caso
ahora estoy ya muerto

dunes roll beneath my toes
black sand over my belly
and silver into my nose

i dont know how to make you feel this
i dont know what words in what order
but i want you to see if but a glimpse
what it is inside this skull
because there is such unending emotion
and such vast blankness of nothing
sometimes i will just be sitting on the couch
the most innocuous of places as i scroll through
nothing of any particular meaning or significance
and then it opens
the floor beneath my feet is gone and there is nothing below
there will never be anything below
i will never hit the ground i will never touch the walls
there is nothing but darkness but visceral hunger but black desire
i dont know how to tell you just how bad just how sickening just how all consuming it is to experience
there is nothing else in my world there never was and there never will be
and that is the only thought that can occur when falling
or perhaps im floating even flying
there is no frame of reference
only this black of unfathomable intensity it makes me endlessly sad, infinitely mad, and simultaneously forever unfeeling
it makes me want to scream and rip the skin from my bones
it makes me want to destroy my body and my soul
it makes me want to curl up and cry for days on end
it makes me want to light my house on fire
it makes me want to run away at night in the rain and get hit by semi truck or train
i dont know how to write it so that you can feel just how deeply rooted it is
i want you to know how it feels i want someone to know what i am experiencing but i also want it to be poetic
i want it to have rhythm and i want it to make you feel the worst youve ever felt
because thats what its like when it opens
and i cannot get out and i cannot think of anything else it consumes me
i need to make someone else understand
it makes me aggressive and destructive
i learn by example because it grabs my jaw and pries my eyes
it forces me to look
it forces me to feel
it has something, maybe a talon or a fang, and when it pierces it becomes me
it courses in my veins it surrounds me inside and out
there is absolutely no way to avoid it and now there is not even a way to dislike it
once it is inside it controls me and i cannot even say i dont enjoy it because it is enjoying this and it is me now we are one and it is in power
if i were to still exist i would dislike it
but there is only it
my body has become just an object in its possession
just a vessel for the feelings
feelings is such an understatement of a word for what it is
it makes me so angry that i cannot find a way to truly say it
but like i said
i dont know what words
and i dont know what order
to make you understand and know

an ear it aches of music tastes like splintered glass
running through an autoshop of metal broken last
on the couch the chair the ceiling flesh to reeling
the worm inside my head it writhes and twists
in pinkish pain it extorts contorts complains
wishes it were real insists the wrists were not
wrought untold to taint my mind it will own my
to the from with but then a next that we for pry
tears knitted back into the mouth of woeful lies
the entrance of a chasm barren grounds of feeding festered
nothing left completely ravished and the worm he is still famished

pink photographs sticky notes brac e let bar
shrink chronographs picky votes stake a guitar
link show no paths sickly motes tasting it jarred
brink
promo tracks stow though mats low foe packs so crow slaps
finicky face to picard

a tongue a knife a rhyme
a slitted try of silence mine
i could never keep it fought
rip the gut right from my life
ill scream the name until i rot
shreik a word so loud ill cry
i tried my luck but missed the cut

a trickled spiggot sputters with it
a soft spot for the eyes that fall out of my skull
flaming pupils burn the crop
the students of the fire
they stop drop and roll into the wretched thought
that comes each time they learn what has been wrought to build this pyre

to eviscerate the weakened soul
the empty rooms inside my home
voraciously in rapture
tearing sinews off my mind
splitting ears and feeding from the captured
nothing left behind my skin no map no muscles
missing compass knees buckled

******* leave me or ill pull the trigger
ill **** the lost and eat the hindered
incinerate your wicked splinters
and in this home
snap each of your twelve ******* fingers

its teeth are gentle on me in a way that only devils can
we're peckish for atrocities and it has given me a plan
a broken handed man within the corridor
his one eye wide
the other in the devils side
a matching type to mine if i still had my sight
the door is closed and i am blind but we can smell the horror more
breaking out we tore into that bodys core
but that devil, him, the house, unborn
as i woke up in a corpse
for i am dead upon the floor

coming fast and about to hit
speed of light but even quicker
dissociated limbs that quit
a losing battle a quiet whimper
iced up feet in sheets of liquor
falling heads with IV drippers
crippled bones and blood made thicker
atrocious ripper zipped but flickered
wicker tricks grip wits of fleeting trips
grow weaker writhing trickled sick

love time heart life
shove rhyme smart right
tub dimes hard strife
some lime start smite

dead turn bed longer
fled learn read somber
head burn red stronger
said spurn dread ponder

room living darkness lies
grew dripping harness dies
through giving starkness tries
slough gripping tarnished minds

young eyes seeing crime lying thine creeping mine
rinds peeling feeling slime re a lizing healing shine
boy talk stalk walker struck sad bad potter dock

duck sought bought luck rock tongue tied from nights stuck
stuck in muck of crumpled ruckus truckers buck.

a hand of circular motion
will turn and turn without promotion
a notion of loyalty unbreaking a sure one
but also forgiving will never occur

boxed up bottles full of glass
a burn from plastic flames of past
a cast doesnt mean that broken pieces should last
for the renewal will never occur

fearsome dearsome and doleful
a spur of the moment decision thats hopeful
a bowl full of concepts berating an old soul
but also the meal will never occur

a hungry and mangled existence
a hurt that never heals, for instance
a distance doesnt make you a witness
for the pain has never occurred

my body and soul in a boxers ring
the ref has been shot, throttled, and kinged
compliant to no one, inside is a known run
yet all parties here are the foe
are the loser the liar and lo--
the body is violent.
the audience: god, and they sit there silent.
soul socked, blocked, and bruised, he shivers to quiet
and body, it staggers and quivers in triumph
but it shakes and it cries because its eyes are mine
for a fire inside
does not inspire
but burns and hollows to rinds

soul, he delivers a blind hit.
in stride and in mind, an inmate of wildness.
of trial-less, unending, childish depending, spiraling slightly askew

and of tiredness.

the soul, he kneels, and body, it keels
the ref has revived and is quick to the meal
she tears apart body and dips into soul

there's only one answer
as god keeps their hands still
no matter the way that it's told.

find care felt apart
smart
starting young realize patience
cremation tastes this
****
dropped exploited shaken dark
explained in snark
carting baggage luggage part
a lot but late
leak steak lurking bait escaping shape
heart

you're the one who wanted the sale
yet you anguish over axles and hands
today or tomorrow or never bother and borrow
exhale frustration and stale anger for patience
may compassion expand despite demand

my eyes feel the day that I remember staring star
his scar spent talking playing starts
attention brought from book and brook and bought
calling for trapped forces of higher divorces wrought
and sought did I of reasonable talk
and with seasonable haunts did I stop
a planet costs him unseen causing
left the loft for softer crop, his beaten form did roam
some foam done gone for fun a song
the loamy earth he surely combed
for massive fixed evasive ticks that taught for thought
I wasted waited tasting fought
unraveled revealed rapacity forgot

clouds fall and tumble into the sunset hues
they're flowers of the heavens picked by Sky just for Sun
and held by Mountains faded blue
strong with abstract limbs, in a fashion
I fix my posture and change position
to better burn my eyes with their passion

a sea of golden silver blue
waves of sand and fireworks
through fingers wind and water flew
roller coaster touch the border
the hems of shirts
splashed and blurred

chasing hills beyond the glimpse
the glass has spilled its sour frost
lyrics bled by writers' heads
speech screeched positive red
catching captured charms of frame
sober melted peaks
blurred forbidden tainted progress
thumbs massive flashes glee

focused demands different notions
evidence mourned separate passions
stretching drama to brittle fond
an image of fame ruins kicking gone

ashes on a dresser's top
a candle lit for one
a deck of suns and split are some
stopped in small hands lost

a single boy fell to the floor
the messenger brings news
for few is it a story through
for most worn cards are torn

fresh colors completely distantly constant
brother poet possibly gripping patience
smooth for ever eventually taking existence

a swallowed rolling branch of trouble
the blade expressed by monster eighty
compliantly shady driving a cracked creating whisper
bubbled rubble of weighty concern
does this hurt forget her it's Christmas, web surfer
a bloom adorned in restless praise
for tongues and lathes trail storms ablaze
lingered is west current laid
an unexpected place, for change

mindfulness on nature's needles
see the sky's brightness turned to max over hand prints
planned trips of impromptu gladness exceeds all
of every expectations, I breathe tall
I feel small, but content
the world's beauty just will never relent

it is my perception that ebbs and flows
my imperfections that make me glow
and my intentions that seem to go
in all directions connected expressions
I feel the calm of love and acception
within is lifted, the self-oppression
I'm blissed out this yoga session

he felt sweet care from the lips of god
a cry for help as bright as reason itself
but a simple burn needed steps to learn
yet silent hours screamed him fogged

the clock turns slowly
but the calendar quickly
soon my heart's lonely

yes king slay best boy prince
baby belly love this simple verbal kiss
pat on the head cause you're doing so well
negativity expelled spills love as you tell
your love to him
your love to him he should value over all
sad smile thanks you but
it's not mutual
honey baby love just listen to me
I love him like I would if he were me
if I was him he'd love me back
but then again if he was me I wouldn't love like that
look
all you need to say is that you'll love me any day
cause darling baby boy it only works when it's both ways
if someone doesn't love us then that's okay
but we need to love each other if you'd let me just explain
the ultimate is happiness, on this we both agree
but means of obtaining, on level we don't see
really it just starts with reclaiming yourself, reign in yourself, and most of all remaining yourself
it all starts with you, baby boy, with me, and our joy
without disclaiming just be naming me as your love as your flame
and I'll be naming you I know as the one I'd like to stay
for if we have this fire light, we'll never be alone a day
seeing as we both
are one and the same

the hands have turned in several circles
and here I am at last
my head between the leveled curtains
behind me, left for past

the future veiled by pleats drawn
undone a twisted cord from imagination
I see a lonely boy growing old
in cubicles and grocery stores
condemnation of pc screens
drifted words become
the only voice stony cold
I see a lonely girl growing old
in tiny houses with empty rooms
and a stuffed closet with nothing used
whipped stirred and done
the bony choice joking folds
a lonely person growing old

tears will well, in weeping fell
but clear eyes see fear lies
because of course beyond the curtains
nothing's forced and nothing's certain
thus all could be reality
it's mostly knowing keeping bold
just wait and see what's next for me
I won't be lonely growing old

we established rules what you think you doin
thought we had a deal man
why you go and ***** it
once upon a time
we had a good thing
but bro you makin sad decisions
it's completely maddening
I was havin lots of fun
and it seemed like you were too
but then ya just had to
go and break the rules
that really made me mad and now youre gonna feel my wrath
cause that's just how it goes when you biff it bad in minecraft

reality laughs at tomorrow as promises pull me back
grassy worries written under flowers return my nature fate
an answer for the shadow's teeth keeps moving, gently ready
walking smiles of golden places eat endless sand and hate
angels plan twisted poisons every evening wave
another painted innocent, left to make their grave
wearing fingertips as gloves his fading difference wanes
but my honey glory always keeps and washes daily shot from shirts
infinite yet burnt blankets offer strangers common prayer
a mere shout traced a rolling blade drives refusal under holes
again I'm claimed by explanation floating wishes torn and rare
scared below sacred thoughts of brushing matching hair

seventy percent is needles in my head, bed sheets clean but not made yet
seventy percent is baby park pride, neighborhood rummage sales and mountain bike rides
seventy percent is school computer games, new DS names, broken back maimed
seventy percent is everything I did today except for homework
why'd you have to make it seventy percent
if it were less then maybe I would put forth
but it just feels impossible and efforts will be worthless
seventy percent is something bound to fail
seventy percent of my grade 'bout to derail

three hours later at the nine and followed forty
(where did you go from the four)
slandered rocks he left on bricks before a bus of bad memories came to knock me down
straight into the ground I thought it might just drive me to the mantle
molten rock to cool my temper after living below finger pads and being trampled
how could I have run when simply stunned I nearly tripped
over my own tongue
I need to close my mouth
but here I am too kind too cruel to ever say a word but to never stop a sentence what kind of speech is my own
I've never heard it real so to speak you see at least thats how it feels

ask me again tomorrow and I'll say I've felt it true and that I know myself exactly who
and yet
across the bench is you

I'm tired I'm drained I'll completely explain
why I do not like you--
if only you'd sign this form of consent to never sue me over words I may have maybe said
except those are never read just signed in blinded ink instead
so really what's the use just take the helmet off my head
(don't be silly, as if I ever had it really)

he's got his heart on his shoulder but I'm not sure
if there's another in his throat
another one to dread
I hope to find proof yet hope's all I can do
for better or for worse or left for simply dead
I cannot seem to tell good liars what's the truth

bearing marks of monthly faces
safety races faster than time
careful crime bothered the speed
of greedy circles eyeing ashes
car crashes sliding into birthdays
plastic rays bridging stolen gaps
of payments lasting grinning pity
in mercy city on planet danger
steady stranger listing sideways
right they form faced bullets
and same full pit lifeless mouths
sorrows endowed continue to consider
within her catching snap a melancholy tone
exposed and prone a younger mile crooked
pockets took its twelve fingers sworn
adorned on necklace rests
eternally festers in a sense
except intense purity wept confessed
anticipation checked and kept
nails curled over wire breaths
another morsel crept

what's he saying
what's he saying
you don't get it do you
digging graves deeper
never six feet but thirteen now
costs of conversation ever steeper
how is it that every time you speak together
it becomes a shrieking endeavour
when will you stop
when will you stop
when did you stop
loving each other

what's she saying
what's she saying
why's she saying that to him
he tried to help
to please to pleasure
but nothing fits her standards
as she sits higher than her own slandered answers
she says she loves him

what's he saying
what's he saying
what he's saying
is he's done and through
with you
and your degrading ways
the price to pay for abusing stays
but he will not stay with it

he will stop the cinic
when the cinic will not stop herself
or stop listening at least
might miss the ring on his finger
but never in his ears
here's to bold-choiced new-life filled of tears
with years of shut in living
she said she loved him
but if she ever listened to what he was saying
she'd know how
what he's saying
is hopes for best
but goodbyes for now

unmade bed of unmade actions
sometimes I wish I could unmake myself
broken watches and broken thoughts
another day of broken felt

you're always upset and never pleased
how hard can it be, quite, apparently
forever stressed with house a mess
a child under house arrest
at least one does as they do without influence from you
or at least doesn't display affectings

in retrospect however testing similar conjecture restings
waiting to be found and find indeed readers succeed
when writing unfolds as paper unrolls, rhetoric it bleeds
the words to heed, which meaning needs
a crucial step to understanding

planning trips of time spanning weekends in the mind
sometimes reality creeps up upon your back
though spine I lack, my knuckles crack
I'm ready for the fight - trembled fear in fingers clear
but fists protect my face, just try to hold a light
to my pace, the space I take quakes
with me, for me, from me
look into my eyes and say that you love me

you do, don't you

I know things I'm not supposed to
hide them in a box, canned whispers sealed
to never be revealed, closed, buried, burned
under rocks to overturn
leave no stone untouched, unbrushed
every surface passed my tongue
another night, another one
another taste of liquid sun
burning pleasure delight desire
rapacious hearts of words afire
a killing blow yet yearned and sought
an Icarus wing that will not stop
it isn't bad if we aren't caught

you think that, don't you

but I know this isn't always true
sometimes you're seen but never "caught"
sometimes they know, they always watch
on the dot
of the clock
I know things I'm not supposed to

frozen mountains burned alive
familiar heads on security tapes
pleasure never measured in despair
upstairs dirt escapes
painless painted panel quaint
a king's bone split fate
constant midnight calls
hunger chasing useless cure
rings list cost installed
movie plans ocean braid
swayed stolen chains enthrall

Very distracting kind of abstract
Cardboard laundry hamper box filled with soiled time
Wash your clocks and clean its hands
Lord knows how often seconds wipe smiles from faces
How unsanitary, which I can't stand
But yet, the crumples of crinkled sheets cast aside
Though should reside in washer's spinning bowl
In actuality slumps glumly on my floor truly self extolled
How will I ever do on my own, after leaving from home
I'll be alone and hungry and ******, nothing but skin and bone
Anyway
It's time I just get those sheets washed

you've never seen their mornin
never known their everyday
don't know for them what is normal
careful what you say
what you say, what you do
watch your actions careful too
don't know what they been born into
what kind of baggage came
with their family name
cause you ain't never seen their mornin
ain't never seen their mornin

off and out into the wild
into the light of day
walking down the street
nothing special just mundane
self confidence picks up feet over concrete
this is what it feels like
to be yourself to be for real [sweet!]
sometimes a real feat
just to be yourself a real feat
a real feat
sweet

search and seizure
homework in the park just leisure
nothing wrong except for question eight
turn the page of the packet wait

pain killer's killed by time
constricting stomach folds inside
poppin pills in the park
not the kind for after dark
just some pain killer
brain filler
when mind's filled with hurt
torment
torture
only pain around the corner
pain killer
pain killer

you see what you want to see
perceive what you only already believe
bias/
drop your false pious/
your badge doesn't make a preacher
abilities abused only makes a cheater
just assumed the pills from a dealer
but you ain't a mind reader [nah!]
you ain't a mind reader

stop and take a breather
check your reason before creepin, search and seizure
give some space, search and seizure
not your place, search and seizure

search and seizure

sticky walls hug my heart, forever closing in
I'm trapped inside, secretly I
never felt my skin

neither have I ever felt the entrails of another
the very core the center most
all just seem like covers

for some, of course, this isn't true, and great respect to that
but I have no word for myself
I simply am abstract

over time
aspects will adjust some
I never feel the same two days
never like the same two names
and thus, my gender's Custom

she advanced like a gunshot
right through my heart and my life
pierced my chest with a blade
but there was love on the knife

I don't mean to harbor such hate
it's not like me to do so
I so strongly believe in giving repreive
for all I do and don't know

I'm sorry to be so jaded
it's just tough to live under this roof
my space is always invaded
I feel always under scrutiny
on the edge of mutiny
or at least just moving out
(quietly, of course)
or so intended though contended
by your natural ways
to make a show of something soft
my reasoning has made
the need to know of why I'm off
you'll never get the answer that you wish for
as I whisper
something not the truth

why yes
I do indeed
want to read
another single chapter

watch wait keep it straight, waking in the wind
stop hate seeking fate, shaking over sin
crop rate leaning makes raking money in
botched fake seeing snake, baking honey tin

slicing whispers
inside of your head
gun shots on your tab
liquor in your holster
several left for dead

there's not much I don't know I do know
but there's quite a bit I know that I don't

what's a piece of poetry
type of textual pie
slice of life and of strife
human experience
for you here since
you asked so kindly
so politely
for some verse upon thy ears
tears upon thy cheeks
speak up another curse
another thought to seek
sleep to reimburse
hours burned inside your sight
what's a piece of poetry
type of textual pie

my head's a hollow jar
made of fragile glass
careful not to break
into a hundred shards

my eyes are made of cork
but very poorly so
as everything leaks out
puddles on the floor

hellbent point of peace
eaten by jointed bells
sand balance spat upon
sawn palace grand hands
swimming riches switch accounts
amounts to ditch of winnings
a similar muck shared between
seams stuck to stick her head
to seek her simple dream

tears are skin deep
in beauty moon wonder
takes my lonely youth away
they heal the bleeding peak
the boys smile numbly thunder
underneath holy force they lay

from heavens content petals prone
claim waiting names of ancient begged
those Saturday boys of wasted senses
desires swallow ghostly natural stone
perfection strung on madness famed
conversations threw perception wrenches

pharmacopoeia pseudo-heartbreak
boys of silk surrender's tone
numbers **** fixed clue compassion
they've knocked naive awkward sake
surrounded rot dwell spoken phones
talks grateful lake of mentioned passion

inside warm clothes and blanket
the one made for me by the drunken fingers of obligation and resignation
traded for several months of mine
I can't remember if it was ever a fair trade to begin with
once upon a time, though, I think I thought it was a win/win
funny how that is, time takes your experience
but experience takes your time
longing past relations glorified
only for myself to remind
of why it ended then
and why it should never begin again

I would rather not see
I would rather not be
another on the shelf