stuck in the middle
where nothing is bad
but nothing is good
it's sad how drab it is
but at the same time
it's steady

reliable
consistent
in the worst ways possible
when you're in the middle you don't get any pity
lost in a city sea of other people
no one knows your name
and no one will care to learn it
every day the same
sometimes all that I want is to
burn it

there's an ocean of fire in my eyes
in my mind
another sky but hazy smoky
lazy low key
another day at home

another day of arguments
another day of tears
year after year of anger and hate
they say
it's hard for those whose parents split
but wouldn't I rather that than parents hit
though they only hit with words
arguably worse

since they have enough to put food in my mouth and clothes on my back
no social worker will ring the bell
since my bruises are not visual
invisible wounds are visceral
infliction controversial contradiction
extinction of hope

past tense, more than I
for tensely, I am current

take me by the hand, and hold me by the throat
whisper in my ear
"you know you want this"

wieghted veins pump heavy blood
because you speak the truth
don't slit my wrists, but slit my soul
with those wicked words of yours
those wicked words of my own
as I feed them to your mouth

I tell myself it's you
I tell myself there is a you
but in this room, there's only one
only one to blame
sadistic sadness contorts within
it's my own hand around my own neck
I tell myself I want this

and I believe it

Please/my/love, keep me awake
keep from hate
hate
hating myself for no one's sake but my own
but/yet, not even that
not for my sake
I can't even feel what it's like to be real
I don't even know where I'm going, please
please

please/my/love, take me to hell
before I take myself
make/me/see, it's not what I want
not what I want
not the place for me to be
before I take the one way trip
please/my/love, keep me afloat

coax/me, into your arms
into your life
tell/me, I will be alright
and by my side you'll fight
to find the light inside
because/my/love, you'll tell me that it's there
tell me that it's there
please
tell me it's there

people change their minds
nothing's unconditional
traditionally habitual of human animals
predictably they always change their minds

but not you, no
you're not typical
you're unequivocal
I know exactly what you think
you're never finicky
because you unconditionally
unaccept me
your consistency is appreciated
as indicated by tears that ensue
so thank you
I mean it, I really do

trademarked fingertips
your fingerprints
lips linger with lust luxurious
excruciating heat
of exfoliating sleep
peels layers of age and worry

slumber of silent lace
and your embrace
of slow paced laughter
is lime green rhymes
I wish of time
remember then that before the after
when there was happy
but ignored the matter
the sweats you let me borrow

tomorrow threatens better judgement
better such that bitter words stint
careful hurt get, if you don't feel it

there's no right answer to this

I might ring you in the afterlife
visit your apartment across the way
if you give me the gold in your veins
pump it directly into my eyes
I don't ever want to see reality again
I might ring you in the afterlife
break your porch swing by accident
apologize but only if it's dry inside
and if you fax me the last breath you took
I'll keep it in a jar
and if I ever need some fresh air
some blessed air
not by you, but by the holiness of lost life
I'll break the glass and consume
I might ring you in the afterlife
so be waiting
if you've spoken with Truth and Time
I'll trade Her number
beauty itself, the face of Liar
and maybe one day
I'll ring you in the afterlife

hide as you do
but I will always find you
and forever reside inside you
your very skin the walls that keep me in
take me by the throat
just try to **** me and survive
you know you need me

A slice of paper inked with fist-fulls of letters for your tongue
Read it aloud, stand your ground, do me proud
With a great drink of air and the pulling of courage from the mud on your shoes
Just forget how you’ve been, and go out on this limb
You begin

to forever reside in rapture exotic
reverence heroic and calming melodic
will it ever be within me
to see the stars as she sees
drowned in my fear psychotic
stress noticed and intellect chaotic
I hope to one day
be the way that she bes
her charm unending rhapsodic