if life was like a carnival
and we drove on the road like we were in bumper cars
wouldn't we adapt to live in a place like that?
a place where the cars crash and slide into each other
a place where you shoot a target with a real gun and take it with you as a prize
a place where going into a haunted funhouse could mean the end of your life
should a creepy clown venture close enough?
wouldn't we adapt?

Empty hallways stretch before me
I look around and darkness surrounds me
I hear a scream
Encroaching blackness...
I realize it's only me
Screaming.
Push back the night.
I push it back with all my might
My mind is too weak
Screaming.
And every day empty hallways stretch before me.

they ask me to describe myself

using only one word

which isn't difficult

becuase only one word

ever comes to mind:

useless.

Lying awake
At midnight,
Eyes to the sky,
Confusion racking my mind.

Thoughts of you
Consume my brain,
Keeping me preoccupied,
Making sleep elusive.

All because
I want something,
Someone,
I can't have.

I tried to fix you,
Because that's what I do.
I look for imperfections and cracks.
And as I tried to put your pieces
Back together, I
Noticed that I was
Slowly
Chipping away.
I am more broken than you.
Instead of putting you back
together, I should have been
saving myself.

If you would see me,

You'd notice me looking at you at any chance I get.

If you would hear me,

You'd notice me talking to you at any chance I get.

If you would smell me,

You'd notice me staying my best for you at any chance I get.

If you would feel me,

You'd notice me shaking over being with you at any chance I get.

If you would kiss me,

You'd notice that I'd been waiting to do this at every chance I get.