AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

IN AN ATTEMPT TO DAZZLE YOUR SENSES...
BY CRYING THESE WORDS...
I FOUND OUT...
I MAY BE THE ONLY ONE HERE, FEELING MY OWN SELF!

SO DO YOU!
IT'S LIKE A ROOM WITH A 10000000000000000 PEOPLE DANCING, ALL DANCING FOR THEMSELVES!

AHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA!

My walls are big n strong
Like that of Babylon
None can do me wrong
As I stay on my toes and strive on

The walls seem seamless  
But it's all for a reason
So I'll let you in on a little secret

The pain hid the door
And the gate won't open
Till I'm reassured that I'm not letting in a Trojan horse

I’m so sick of feeling alone.
I’m sick of this wanting, craving feeling towards love.
i want someone to give me the world,
without me asking for it.
i want someone to read me like the back of their hand,
to understand my thoughts and accept my past.
i just need someone
to need me.

i crave someone to finally open up their arms wide and let me inside,
to hold me and to never let go until the world has crumbled and fallen
apart and we have nothing left to stand on but each others feet,
and even then i’m not quite sure i would want them to let me go.
i want someone to finally acknowledge me and my differences
and fall in love with the way my eyes wrinkle in the corners when i laugh.
i want someone to sneak over late at night and talk about the stars and how majestic the color of trees look when a storm is approaching.
i want,
i crave,
i need,
someone
to need me.

Today I'm going to stop
This ridiculous destructive thing
I've been doing it to myself
For five. miserable. years.
I talk so much about
How I hate to be controlled
but this is controlling me
I'm wasting my life
and this is my fresh start
I don't want to paint over
the same old canvas
I've already painted black
I've gone down this road before
and I could have been a killer
I don't want to be her anymore
The girl no one could help
and just watched her waste away before them
I'm no longer going to count the numbers
and measure and weigh
and cry and hate
I'M DONE
it can't control me anymore
she told me she was worried about me
now I know it's too far
what do I care anyway about all this?
It won't be very easy
but I'm not going to do this to myself anymore
I'm taking this canvas and BURNING IT
I'm starting fresh
I'm done with this
I'm finished
I need to be strong enough
for her
I won't become a statistic
under the earth in a wooden box
with only a block of cement
to prove I ever existed
because pretty doesn't have a size
and for her
I'm going to stop
Five years
is long enough

that girl you see? with the big blue eyes?
she's in the middle of a war with herself.
she was known as the girl who went in her car everyday for lunch simply to write.
you see her?
she's the girl who holds a mask in front of her face
and if you were to look behind it
you would be shocked.
that girl, that girl loves .
she L O V E S.
and if she loves you
then ****, you have got to be something special.
that girl is the one with depression and anxiety.
who has dealt with things you wouldn't even imagine.
she's that girl with the love for life
despite the fact that life has tried to turn her dark and grey.
that girl shines
that girl shines colors you've never seen before.
that girl is the one who is messy and unorganized but it's okay with her.
she's the girl with an ordinary face, but an extraordinary heart.
she's that girl that will apologize for the mess after you rip her to shreds.
that girl has a strange love for bears and the outdoors.
and has dreamt of the mountains all of her life.
she's from the small town where she was being swallowed.
and trust?
trust is not something that girl can do easily.
she has walls so strong that you wouldn't believe.
with a never ending for stargazing
because it reminds her each night that there is beauty everywhere
even if it is hidden sometimes.

yeah. that girl.

///

I see you
You see me
And it is true both we exist

You love me
I love you
And it is true both we exist

One day you saw me
At least one day I also saw you

One day you felt me
At least one day I also felt you

One day I saw your beauty
at least one day you felt that I was in your mind
we felt that we loved each other
even you can believe it
cause still I'm loving you

Yet you never see the god
and me too,
but we both believe in god
The believe,
the most mystic invention on the planet earth ever
yet the gentlemen never can see under the microscope

Too many thoughts in our life
but we can't exceed the thought of death
always we feel a threat of death
when we grew older to oldest
and we carry it till our death

It is true that we see the death
and its pain that we have gained
when someone's closet moves to the past
but we can't lose his existence in our mind
and in the existence of our soul

I see the death,
the mystic beauty rises up to its spiritual height
and I say, it is true that is more than the truth,
the existence of death

Though still we exist on earth
yet we can't see any event that will be happened after death
but most of us believe in after death
there is a life,
the unlimited life
where we both will meet again
either we will exist in heaven or hell
Ah! The ultimate existence

It is true that we all have a fear of death,
the very dear fear,
moves us very near
to the god
the god,
dimensionless-
space less-
existence less-
but an ultimate divine existence of god
so that we believe in spiritual existence of god-

///
@ Musfiq us shaleheen