The siren saved me
With her fragrant tune
On the water
At half past noon
He couldn’t resist
And she pulled him
Underneath
To have him join her
As her daily feast
At half past noon.


                      -L. Frost

I wish it was easy,
reaching out,
but it's a struggle.
Every day
so lonely,
isolated.
I don't know what to do.

But I have to keep trying
even though I know
I will find myself here again.
Neverending isolation.
Is it me?

Day after day
unimportant chatter.
Smartphones in my way,
fear in my heart.

The armor comes off
ever so slowly.
Painful insecurity.
Fear of being left behind
without defense.

Though all I wish for
is to lie in your arms
and for you to lie in mine
completely bare,
all our vulnerability
on display.
We hold on to each other
fearing the moment we'll break apart,
but trusting it will never come.

I know we're on the way there,
though I have to confess
sometimes I still find myself
feeling isolated and lonely,
like now.

I'm trying to deal with it
but it hurts so bad.
Still I want you to know
it's not your fault,
you couldn't be more wonderful.
Maybe something is broken inside,
maybe it's just me.

Sometimes I just long for an embrace.
I crave a hand caressing my face.
Sometimes I wish
someone would tell me
I'm beautiful,
I'm intriguing.
It makes me feel so fragile,
but I don't want to be seen as fragile,
it hurts when people see me that way,
for its not all that I am.
I want to be strong in my fragility,
I want to be seen for who I really am.

But i promise to not shut myself off
no matter how hard it may be.
I will try to keep reaching out.
I know it will be painful sometimes,
sometimes i'll still feel isolated,
sometimes i'll feel misunderstood,
but i'll keep trying,
for you,
and most importantly myself.

Come break through my walls,
take my armor away
and bind me so I can't run.

Strip me of all my defenses,
don't stop unil I stand there
fragile, scared
and longing for connection.

Take me in.

From the top of this mountain
I look upon the earth.
Everything seems so small
as the wind is stroking my skin.

All our problems,
insignificant.
As gravity looses it's grip on me
my worries fade away.

The wind is whispering to me,
begging me to follow its call.
Like a feather
it carries me away.

you don't exist when
my eyes are open
you don't exist when
my blood's not poisoned
when my soul's at peace
when my gut is full
and when I'm in company

So you exist most of the time
dear muse

so, off with my head.

all i want to do is sleep,
until i try to go to bed.

again,
relive all the words that you said.

all i want to do is die,
but i'll keep living on instead.

like death from above;
you left me,
bereft of thought.
as if blessed by a devil,
or behest from a god.
your lullabies used to fit like a glove,
as long as they were stories without plot.
just like our made up memories of swans and doves.
they twisted and turned,
like the noose that we tied,
around what we swore wasn't our love.

I see you standing there
my beautiful friend,
I run to you,
you run to me,
but there's no reaching you,
the glass is separating us.

I scratch and scratch,
you do the same,
but the glass just won't break.
Tired I let my head sink,
I smile at you with tears in my eyes.
So close and yet so far.

I sink to the ground
and press my body against the glass.
I want to touch your skin,
I want to feel its warmth.

Each day i sleep at the glass,
I just dream it away.
I dream of reaching you,
of your body against mine.
I believe one day
my dream will come true.