I see you around
but you don't see me.
I'm here,
I'm reaching out,
but it's in vain.

I'm hurt,
what can i say.
I feel like you forgot,
I feel like i'm not important,
but i know it's not true.

It can't be true.

I feel jailed in my own body
socially forced to conceive
emotionally sick
hurt within

Scared to transmit pain
in this age of depression
reminding my ancestors' culpability;
will I also hurt my descendant?

Struggling to finish a phd
in this age of precarity
thinking it might push me;
Or, will I fail it all?

Rest your head, depression.
Wake up with the intention
to live.

Oh, the love of my life, I have thrown away…

Out of heartbreak and shame,
do I write about the guilt and my single regret?
Do I write about my sorrows and attempt to explain?
Do I cry out our memories, will my heart ever return to your chest?

Oh, the love of my life, has left me…

The cold on my tile floor
Fulfills me
It’s you I implore

For now...

I must love a life without you.

Diseased
soon to be deceased
toxic me
how I failed to belong to you.
Once, I followed the back of your ankles and watched your body walk away from me
though you turned around to hug and kiss the face of
the meek smile that appeared for you.
Lonely travels now
following the empty space that replaces you.

I have wanted to run away ever since I learned how to jump off a soaring swing and land on my two front feet.
I have
wanted to run away ever since I learned how to seize the night under giant trees.
I have
wanted to run away ever since I learned how to heal heartbreak.
Impossible.
oh please,
I pack my bags underestimating how far my lungs can breathe.

There is someone who appears uninvited.
I ask this stranger to leave, but my leaves turn to pleads of please  
don't leave me now, dear.  
Fall down, follow me.
We are pebbles being split apart by a child's amusement of
hearing the echos and seeing the ripples at the bottom of a well.
Well, here we are drowning together...oh, she has not let go of you yet.
I drown alone. And you enjoy a life worth living.
This is fair.

I thought the rumble of elephants
chasing me down a path of unknown
would scare me
I thought the skeletons
creeping out of my closet
would scare me
I thought late night walks home with no
shadow to protect me
would send shivers through me
I thought looking into the future
to find what was next
would scare me
I thought nightmares that surpass
the dream catchers grip
would scare me
Who would have known
love
ran right past and swooped in
giving me nothing
but the constant dread
of losing it