Am i falling
in deeper?
my heart
cant keep her
i am but
just a weeper
i can't admit
i need her

I live on an island
In the sea of my own thoughts
Life is never stagnant, neither is the sea
That is why i choose to stay
Where in isolation, I am least alone

It comes from within
It doesn’t hurt to begin
It never leaves you
Although it paints blue
We symbolize it with red
As if it makes it less dead
And we believe
If we feed
We can be stronger
Than the somber
Feeling of being alone
So we sit back and groan

It leaves like a snail
Traveling the straight retreating path
Every 7 years our taste buds change
I wonder how long it takes for my heart
To replace itself
So who’s to say,
You can’t be replaced too?
You replace yourself over time so why can’t I?

As I learn the cycle
through and through
i must learn to enjoy the weekend,
after-all, it is the end of the week

Remember when you were young
And life had just begun
The world so small and fun
All that summer sun?

back when nothin got you blue
And we always had somethin to do
When we never wore our shoes?

Back when we could fight dragons
Or just pull our red wagon?

Remember when there was nothing to lose?

I was told once that
Women are intimidated by me...
I'm a 5 foot 8 inch  blonde twig with acne
How am I intimidating?
If anything I'm translucent

On a regular basis
I encounter Death
As if the safest place
Would be in stasis

At 10 years old
Guillain-barre
Almost took me
But my cards i did not fold

new born
i was failure to thrive
and my head 3 sizes big
now i life with a chest cavity deformed

Not to mention the multiple
attempts on my life
but that's my own doing
i'm culpable

yet this life
is still worth living

If you wake up in the morning
and you feel cold air
you know your heart is truly warm

hush, hush...
you don't want them to hear us

breathe, breathe;
you don't want to pass out

Eat, Eat.
you must keep your strength up

stretch, stretch,
you must be ready in case we must...

Run. Run!
you don't want them to catch us

goodbye, goodbye...
you must live

All you have to do is pay attention to me
And understand I need a lot of it

24/7/365 I need to be your sunshine

Chilly Autumn days
bring harsh winter winds
but the Roses still grow
in greenhouses

The greenhouse, a garden
grows Roses for the lucky lovers
In the dead middle of winter
just to come back two months later

As the Rosebud trembles
with each passing
it blooms and falls
to the hands of the deserving

but it ****** in self defense
much like the love
we all thought we'd cherish

Although our memories are dead,
The ghost of the past will forever haunt me

I meander through time
And space
Upon my aching feet
And of everything i stand for,
At least I stood

I want a Number One
I wish for someone
I can’t stifle this heartless desire
And quell this fire

I want to be a best friend, a boyfriend
I wish you’d love yourself even if it ends
I tried melting your heart
But it really is a complex body part

You wanted left alone
You wished someone would throw you a bone
You wouldn’t let me in
So I started to get bad again

You desperately wanted attention
You wished for love and correction
You wanted a Number One
Yet we were blinded by the sun

I don’t know what it is about her
I do know I think I love her
I want to hold her
I want to protect her

It is selfish
But I know I am a bit of a shellfish
Always crawling back into my house
The scare little mouse
I am

But no matter what I do
I can’t seem to convince you
I won’t make you blue
I wish you’d get the clue

I was in utter disbelief
But also I felt relief

You shared the same feelings
Like me

I can feel your heart beating inside my rib cage
and the beating of your heart is causing internal bleeding
It beats
it thumps
It spews out blood
and now I'm drowning in it

I see you in the trees
I hear your voice in the breeze
I feel your presence when i eat your favourite ice cream
I smell your hair when i lay face first into our pillow
I hear your voice in the videos we made
So tell me why i miss you so much
When you're right here in my heart,
The only place you can be

To share things
In a boundless way
to bring a couple together closer
no matter what is

THAT is Intimacy.

I sit st my desk
stuck with a grotesque
feeling if writer's block
I can tell i'm loosing my stock
so i open my curtain to the window
just before sunrise

As the sunshine peaks
I look at my window
and to my my dismay
i see a charcoal black crow
and it said to me
You reap what you sow

Raging like a river
or soft like a tap,
Water flows through the body
Without it
We would not be able to
Withstand much of anything;
Water can tear you apart
Water can stand up to any force
And still be water
and so can you

Hello, hey, hi
or some other opposites
of goodbye
Introduce us to new possibilities

Without you
i am a train-wreck
but that's what you fell for
so don't try to change me,
or you'll leave

If i could sit in silence
I could go back to when i was a kid
and write about that

The first step is birth;
to do this you must curse all of your self worth

The second stone is self awareness;
you must find this to know your purpose

The third stepping stone is faith;
You have to put some in yourself before you can live

The fourth one, important to some, is love;
Be careful when finding this, you don't want to skip the previous three

The fifth step is more of a miss-step;
you must fall down before you can get back up again

Number six must be make the others askew;
you need to find that self-worth

Seven and finally you're free;
You're happy

the matching orange firmament
matches the burning flames of hell

What's it like to drown i wonder
is it this aching feeling i am always feeling
when i am deep in my head?
it's dangerous in there i say
to myself through a mirror

Up in windows
Sways a birdcage
with a tweety-bird
singing to the cat so far below
with it's taunting song
it sings a song of tease
as the cat chirps back
claiming it's treat

The bird so high and mighty
does not consider the cat
to be more than a worm
but the cat
just sees a snake that can fly
a meal for the mites

Hippie Heights

How much can you fit in that brain?
I can fit two bi-polar opposites
And I can see two different ways
it's like they reside in opposite  hemispheres
oh wait

Once I saw you I knew
I had to ask
"Will you catch the breath
You stole from me?"

Let's take it slow
with lights down low

and a line of blow

I've never felt so low
Why couldn't we have taken it
slow

I seem to have a thing for the women
Who don't exactly love themselves
But it's okay because once they do,
They leave

I want to go where the sun shines bright
and tans my skin

I want to see where the mountains
meet the ocean

I want to go to where
i can breath again

I want to go to your arms

Can it fall?
Does it end?
Will it stop?
Won't you fall?
Why can't I?
How will we?
Why so many?

With you I'll be moving
through hell while stuck in
heaven

I write this through cold fingertips
Dipped in the blood of my heart
I see my own soul in the bathroom mirror
It's weird i can see myself so much clearer
So while i lie here alone
And stare deep into my phone,
Call out to me,
I'll reply with the cold dead truth

The cold dead oak tree
Roots itself inside my head
But i have never bled

I want to be in love
Falling deep into the
Bottomless ocean
Swimming deeper
Where I can breathe easier

I wanna stay in love
Feeling the butterflies
Deep in the bowels of my stomach
Because I always eat better
When you're around

I wanna experience heartbreak
That stabbing nuisance of knives
Where butterflies once resided
So I can say I lived as selfish as that seems

Deep in those woods
Behind any good house
Lie secrets worth exploring

Secret lovers
Secret adventures
Secret secrets
That stem from imagination
The kind we all love to find out

Evil demons
And beautiful damsels

Where you learned to master swordsmanship
Where you brought your first love
For a cheesy picnic on la Grande Jatte  
That we saw in art class once

Secrets are kept
In those woods out back

I call out
To a shallow cave
And in return
I get a shallow reply

I wanna feel the harsh
Salty breeze hit my legs
I wanna feel the crashing waves on my toes
while my heels are buried in the sand
I wanna fly high at sea level
humming along to the summer day
sounds

Everyone has their
Lazy days
Where we just want to watch the sandcastles
Wash away
Sitting in our pajamas

I've cared for you for who knows how long
It's time i said my "I Love You's"

I feel
Discombobulated
Angry
Livid
With myself
Because I find myself
Without anything else

It is weird to live
In a world where everything
is so very backwards

Tear drops are our plasma
so try not to cry too much
it thickens the blood between us

I see you in my dreams
But I don't know you yet
But that's okay because I know you;
You are beautiful, in your own way
You are smart, in your own right
You are short, by that I mean with me
You are everything I need

I am a mess. a train-wreck.
I know I am a handful,
But you'll be able to handle me
I won't just be attracted to you
I'll be attracted by you

I'm from Evergreen
If you know what I mean
so I'll be calming
You're probably from Sunshine
Because you already brighten up my day

I'll never have to see you
way back in my rear-view

Every day I take a nap
Deep in the protection
Of my mattress
my blankets and pillows
I dream of happiness
In your warm embrace
I wish I knew you
But I know you exist
And for now
That's enough