there is a darkness within
that cannot be controlled
cannot be contained

there is a darkness within
that craves freedom
that desires to roam

there is a darkness within
i can feel it
clawing
climbing
shoving
its way to the surface

there is a darkness within
always hungry
never satisfied

there is a darkness within
and it's growing restless

Sometimes
I wish I was a leaf
so I could always feel
the rain
the sun
and
when I felt like it
I could break free
and play in the wind

Sometimes
I wish I was a flower
so I could always see the stars
and get kisses from butterflies

Sometimes
I wish I was a bird
so I could sing all day
so I could soar high in the sky
so I could finally touch a bit of cloud fluff
and then
when I felt like it
I could fly somewhere new

Sometimes
I wish
I was anything
but me

My mouth goes dry
My heart races and fills with longing
longing for something more than friendship
My mind is swarmed by thoughts of only you
My cheeks blush pink
My fingers twitch
My body trembles with excitement

My eyes smart and fill with tears
My chest swells with pain
I wonder why?
Why do I love you so?
The tears escape
I begin to weep
And all at the sound of your name

Wind whips
through my hair
heavy
with the scent
of change
and as I smile
I know deep down
that everything
is going to be just fine

There is nothing
harder on the heart
than the choice between
holding on
and moving on

I still love you
but I adore him, too

What to do...
Oh, what to do?

*What should I do?

I'm eating at that place we always used to go to.
I can see our usual table.
I can see us sitting there
laughing
talking about dinosaurs.

And it makes me miss you.

What if
I'd said "hello" at that one party

What if
I'd stayed and talked to you at the bar that one night

What if
I'd made more of an effort to talk to you

What if
I wasn't so insecure

What if
I wasn't so shy around you

What if
I tried

What if
I started conversations

What if
I actually showed my interest

What if?

Would it change anything?

Have you ever heard your name
and not recognized it?

Do you ever have moments,
when someone calls you,
where you think they're talking to someone else?

Have you ever written your name
and just stared at it,
knowing something about it is wrong,
but you can't quite figure out what?

Have you ever seen your name on a screen
and thought you were on someone else's profile?

Do you ever introduce yourself
and feel like you're lying?

Has anyone else experienced this
or is it just me?

It'll never work
we both know
This love
has nowhere else to go

But one look
from those soft brown eyes
and I want to change my mind

you say
you want a girl
who's like this

you say
you want a girl
who's like that

you say
you want her
to speak like this

you say
you want her
to think like that

you say
you want her
to care like this

you say
you want her
to love like that

when will you notice
when will you realize
that the girl who's like this
and the girl who's like that
is sitting right here

bring on the day
let me face new challenges

i'm ready

let demons snarl in my face
let goblins mock me
let all evil try to send me to my knees

bring it on

**i'm ready

into the depths of the soul
we catch a glimpse
with every stroke

we hear the sighs
feel the longing

we see the tears
feel the sorrow
the ache

we rejoice in the triumphs
feel the love
the joy

in this world
pen
paper
writer
are one

love is a lot like the flame of a candle. i know it’s terribly cliche, but stay with me. once lit, love dances wildly and unabashedly, illuminating even the darkest of corners. it brings warmth to the places where warmth seemed impossible. it bathes everything in a new light and gives the world a whole new glow.

but, expose it to even the smallest outside force, and it’s out, leaving you with nothing but smoke and the strong scent of what used to be.

that’s how we are, you and me. just watching the smoke curl into the blackness. every now and then, though, our candle is re-lit and our flame dances wildly and passionately, the way it did in the beginning, giving light to corners we’d forgotten about.

and then, out of nowhere……whoooosh. the most subtle breeze blows through.





it’s out.

the night
terrifies

the night
consumes

the night
stalks

the night
stifles

the night
envelops

the night
heals

the night
protects

the night
creates

the night
is freedom