I go back to Hampshire
to pretend I have old friends.
I drive around the mountains
to look for an end
to the violence
that's been breeding inside.
I've been a god ******,
god ******, god ******.

There's a dying wild
surrounding this town;
a girl limping with her mother,
holding ****** hounds.

You can consume it,
the blurred out dreams,
that these rubber-lovers
hung in Christmas trees.

There's a sense regret
amongst the ****** chic;
a romantic degeneracy
not lost on the teens.
Push in the fate,
to let something out.
I'm such a god ******,
god ******, god ******.

And I blot the ******
remnants of the past,
fire a cheap cigarette
and cut myself on the glass
of the car I drove into
the bank of your dreams.

To get out, to get out,
I've become such a ******* fool.
To get out, to get out,
I've hurt everyone that thought I was cool.

Your arms might be the only
I will ever feel at home in

Your arms might be the only
I will ever be alone in

Your heart might be the only
that will ever keep me lonely

Your heart might be the only
that will ever keep me going

Your heart, your arms,
your love, your touch
you leave, I weep
I see you sleep
Peaceful and sound,
not another moment to be found
You've torn me apart
and dream as though
you don't hear the sounds
of my tears on the floor

Your arms were the only I will ever feel at home in

All your lies and all your pain
following dreams you'll only break
on this road for way too long

But when it's said and done
there really was no way we could have won
the cracked glass shatters to the floor
reminding me that life always gives a cure

All you know is home
with a heart that doesn't want to be alone
with a heart that doesn't want to lose it's song

But when it's said and done
there really was no way we could have won
the cracked glass shatters to the floor
reminding me that life always gives a cure

And I know you had to go
Had to get yourself back home

But when it's said and done
there really was no way we could have won
the cracked glass shatters to the floor
reminding me that life always gives a cure

there were words I couldn't speak,

words I couldn't see,

feelings I couldn't find,

feelings I couldn't hide.

The day you said you loved me,
the day you walked away,
the day you said I'd come to find
no one else could make me feel this way.

I believed every word you said.
I believed you now and I believed you then.
The difference between us, is you still left.

I stayed, for two years
and when you finally said you loved me
I saw all my dreams becoming true.

Then I saw her. She just showed up.
The only person besides me you kept in your life.
So for months I let the torment work its way through my body
until I was simply rotting.

Every time I tried to explain the hurt that bounced around inside
all I managed to do was start a fight.
But I loved you, and I love you,
and I tried my very best,
until one day my insides tore, and I was now an external mess.
As my insides poured out into all the wrong places,
I felt the burning sting of pain beneath my sleeve.
The wounds reopened, as I was closing.
My arms were cut to bleed.

My brother brushes past me in the kitchen.
I find myself offended, not for his rudeness nor the brash way he attempts to apologize.
But because on my own flesh and blood I smell him.
It has been years but the odor of his cologne still sends me spiraling.

Memory is a haunting thing.

How am I supposed to move on when every wide eyed, bro-tank wearing beef cake smells like my worst nightmare,
It feels like I am just trying to escape,
but was forced into Stockholm's syndrome via perfumed air and this sense of helplessness that I cannot bear.

This is what it feels like to drown all over again,
but this time I am perpetually a scared 14 year old girl, and it is arms surrounding me not lake water.
I could find irony in using that brand of cologne to light myself on fire,
or to inhale the aerosol into my already full lungs for a short high
Either way it would be the same as killing myself all over again.

Half of me is still on that mattress somewhere,
I don't know how to get her back, or why I want her so bad.
But, how can I make this little girl inside stop crying if I'm not there to comfort her?
How could I ever be there to comfort her?

I am so broken and bruised,
I still flinch when hit in spaces once blackened by hands I thought I knew.

If I died
Would you miss me?
If I lied
Would you forgive me?
If I love you
Would you love me?

I put One above you
Who do you put above me?

If I hate myself
Would you hate with me?
If I find joy above all else
Would you celebrate with me?
If I'm lonely
Would you stay with me?
If I let sin own me
Would you pray with me?

i just  love canaries with there yellow plume
with there lovely song lifting up the gloom
jumping perch to perch in there aviary
always very active full of energy.

they are so delightful wonderful to see
always full of joy as happy as can be
they are only small with feathers very bright
this yellow bunch of joy brings me such delight

Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow—
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream:
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.

I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand—
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep
While I weep—while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?

The noon's greygolden meshes make
All night a veil,
The shorelamps in the sleeping lake
Laburnum tendrils trail.

The sly reeds whisper to the night
A name-- her name-
And all my soul is a delight,
A swoon of shame.