The sun calls me outside
But I am trapped inside
I stay seated – afraid

I don’t know why I stay,
I need to get away
Can’t breath – but still, I wait.

This cannot be my fate
But knowledge comes too late
I just swallow my words

Pens are stronger than swords –
Or so they say of words
That is true I suppose...

What of secret prose?
The words that turmoil throws –
The secrets that keep me trapp’d,

The secrets wrapped around me?
The fear surrounding me?

This is why I cannot be free.

Leaves whisper to me through the door
The clear glass door, so far away:
“You won’t be so sad anymore”
They say “Go Live and Be today”

Leaves make promises they can’t keep
But still; I dare to hope and dream,
I boldly let myself believe,
In the faint promise of the leaves

They whisper many things to me
They say this cloud will go away
They promise I will be okay
And my dreams aren’t so far away

Bright futures dance before my eyes
They call me, like a Siren’s song
But I know that it is all LIES—

Something I have known all along.

I saw leaves through window glass
They blew in wind, inviting.
Has my own summer come to pass?

In the sky, the sun is ling’ring
Ever beaming, it stays bright
And my heart remembers singing.

Sing the song of a summer night,
The darkness looks for a way in.
Run, run, run! – It will be alright.

What keeps my heart beating within?
Is peace merely transient?
Fleeting from place to place on whims?

Is this light truly capricious?
Will it leave me in winter?
Will I be more alive, or less?

I died in my own skin, from fear.
I trudg’d through months, not breathing
With darkness whisp’ring in my ear.

But this, this new state of being
Promises bright tomorrows –
It sings of a future something.

These moments of light, I borrow –
But to return or to keep?
Can it be filled, this black hollow?

Is this a dream, do I still sleep?
Will all this be gone so soon?
Will I awake to snow and sleet?

For too long, I talked to the moon
Just the two of us, alone.
I said: “Maybe I will join you”

Unmoving, still it brightly shone;
“The sky is no place to be,
Stars keep solitary thrones.”

I think I am still trapped – not free.
Summer flits beyond my grasp
But, for now – at least I can see.

A life stuck at 7PM
The clock on the wall never moves
And the second hand never shifts –
Nothing to win, nothing to lose.

See the sky slowly growing dark.
The in-between time, before sleep,
Nothing is right or even wrong –
A place where I don’t want to be.

Perfect dusk with reluctant clouds;
The sun has gone to bed alone
While my head is clouded with doubts
I lie there – silent – on my own.

Waiting is the hardest part tonight:
In between breaths I wait for sleep,
Dreaming of all the things undone –
Losing pieces while losing me.

Silent rain creeps down my window
To whisper: “I will find you soon”
I turn, not wanting to feel,
Look away to implore the moon.

I search for answers in the dark,
But all I find is silence.
Seconds stretch to days behind me;
All that mattered was in past tense...

They press harder against my ears:
Screaming, screaming, screaming loud
They compete – all my secret fears
If I can’t breathe, I’ll surely drown.

There is no peace for me because
They refuse to keep their silence –
Whispers morph into demons, and
Demons are replaced with giants.

I surrender, the same refrain,
A question, always tireless:
Tell me what tomorrow will bring;
For mine endless night is timeless.

Until you hear a person’s darkest secret
You only know them in part
Until you find what’s buried in their deepest recess
You have never seen their heart

We put on masks and play pretend –
Lie that we’re fine and don’t disclose
And in the end:
That’s all they’ll ever know

No one knows your desire
Unless you verbalize
They will never see your fire
People don’t read eyes

Bitten-back words
Are born of fear
And silent screams will not be heard
By any ear

Listen – That swallowed tongue
Is your worst enemy
If hearts are not undone
You will never, ever be free

Night charges in and Fear tiptoes after
They slither across the floor
And as they crawl into bed with me, I can hear their maniacal laughter.

In my sabotaged subconscious there is no lock on the door,
An open party where the demons dance
And in explicit, intricate agony I attempt to scream “No more! NO MORE!”

The zombies infest, fester, and invade as their decayed, falling-off feet begin to prance
My mouth is gagged and the chains tighten, as horror plays before my eyes
This is no ordinary tragedy – not one soul has a chance

Trust is meaningless and dangerous, the loyal ones are spies
Logic is thrown out – there is neither a beginning nor an end
Time turns and churns, double-crossers criss-cross – lies, lies, LIES!

My power is ripped away, shred by tiny shred
Everything is spiraling out of my control
I silently scream and struggle as Fear forcefully pins me to the bed

I swim through the sea towards consciousness, but He won’t let me go.
Eyes fly open as Fear ties me up with taught ropes, His beautiful disaster
The unbreakable fibers are woven from smoky shadows, and time crawls on far too slow

My heart beats – faster, faster, FASTER!
But the helpless heroine is no more
The shadows slink away and stick to their corners, for Daylight is my master.

You cannot ask
The great poets of the past
The secret meanings of their words:
No murm’rings can escape dead lips.

Just as the poets are silent,
So am I – do not ask.

Fate doesn't merely want happiness,
but pain back as well as outscreamed distress,
and buys ruin at a second-hand rate.*

{this quote comes from "The Voices}