I am...

the kind of abandoned house
people leave in ruins.
I am a wreckage;
I am destruction

the end of the **** of a cigarette
people step on the moment they're done with.
I am the poison they inhaled;
I am discarded

the type of crack on pavements
people walk around to avoid tripping over.
I am a trap;
I am dangerous

the kind of toy broken beyond use,
parents throw away into the bin
I am trash;
I am worthless

but the house was once filled with laughter and joy
the cigarette was once lit
the pavements were once whole
the toy was once valuable

i was onced LOVED
i was WORTHY
I once LIVED

Was.
Past tense.
No longer.

I have my doubts when you're not here
But they fade away when you appear
At times I feel like you don't care
Then you prove me wrong when you are there

You say sweet things for one minute
The next it's like I don't exist
I'm so confused, what should I do?
I lose my sleep with thoughts of you

"I'm happy with you" that's what you said
But then you say I make you mad
At times you'd walk away from me
You'd crawl back later and say "Sorry"

You treat me like I don't mean anything
You say my flaws are what you're hating
Later you tell me I'm perfect like this
It's not my fault I'm weak to the beasts

Sometimes I want you to leave me alone
But then all night I'd stare at my phone
I want you bad but I hate the pain
It's like I'm drowning in the pouring rain

I'm never sure of what you want
You make me want to get up and run
I love you too much to let you go
But please, I beg you, don't give me false hope

I'm sorry your hands had to leave bruises on my skin
and that my love breaks your ribs.

I'm sorry for the bruises I made in your heart
and for the lies I told with the same lips you tasted.

I'm sorry for the bruises I bore in my heart
and for the storm I brought to your mind.

I'm sorry for the bruises I left in your life,
and made you see my chaos with your eyes.

I'm sorry for the bruises made from holding onto you too tight,
and for the hate that filled your lungs.

I'm sorry for the bruises I can't erase
I'm sorry for the bruises old scars replaced.

I'm sorry for the bruises my fingertips left
I'm sorry for the bruises my lips marked on yours

I'm sorry for the bruises on your wrists with my handprints
I'm sorry for the bruises that took your breath away.

I'm sorry for the bruises.

of bruised skin
and tear-filled eyes,
of empty palms
and tired smiles

of raging waves
and endless storms
of aching heart,
a rose with thorns

of burning heat
from walls to fist
with ash-filled lungs
and fractured ribs

I cannot breathe;
it's suffocation
I cannot live;
this is depression

I** walk down the hallway, keeping my head bowed low
No one looked my way, no one said "hello"
So many people, but they didn't know I was there
Invisible I seemed, to all everywhere
Going into class, I went to take my place
Nobody saw me, nobody recognized my face
It kinda looked like I was part of the four walls
Figuring I seemed a ghost, like I was in the hall
I shrugged and closed my eyes shut tightly
Could it be that no one can hear nor see me?
Answers were received for the rest of the day
Nothing I do seemed to make people look my way
This goes to show how unimportant I am

You told me my lips was filled with love and sweetness
I don't tell you yours was boredom and pity.

You told me that my lips felt like regrets and bitterness
I don't tell you that yours taste of cigarettes and her.

You asked me why my hugs are cold and distant
I don't tell you it's because your arms don't feel like home.

I asked you why your eyes are ice cold over time
But I don't tell you why the stars are dead in mine.

You ask me while I wear a smile like a funeral
I don't ask you why yours is a copy-and-paste.

You said it sounded like goodbye when I said I love you
I don't tell you yours sounded like an apology.

You told me not to leave when I said goodbye
I don't tell you you're already half-way out the door.