I want to fall in love again,
But only with you.

I became so addicted to the feeling of nothing
that when I started to feel you
I went through withdrawals.
I wanted so desperately to forget about
the nice feelings that ran through my mind
when I thought of you,
because I became so intimate with being alone
that leaving the vast isolation of myself behind
felt like I was killing the part of me
that taught me how to survive.

Stop treating me like I'm the cut on your wrist your sweater just barely covers.
I am so sick of being something your ashamed of.
Your secret, your mistake.
But you know as well as I do that the guiltiest of pleasures are the most rewarding.
Maybe that's why you keep ending up back in my bed
And maybe that's why I keep letting you.

I've had enough, I'm done
Your standards are no fun

You're a broken wordsmith
Lost in a world of words
Searching for realization
While your story is unsung

Your screams from mountaintops
Heard only by cowards ears
Your brightest light
Can't catch my darkest hour

Good day to you sir
A forever blur*

*Joseph B Schneider

I’m not scared I will never know you
I’m more scared you and I are more alike than we know
Desperate and unprecedented in the worst way
Do I really want to love you?

I know you far better than you realize
I know myself the way I know you
We have the same souls
I don’t fall in love with strangers
But I could never love myself either
And if we are made of the same thing
Can I really stay with you?

I am thankful for media chips,
and memories of lips;
of still mornings,
and warm warnings.

I am thankful for lightning,
for every bit of string,
a feeling of self-autonomy,
and the stars I see.

I am thankful for the hope,
college and all its dope;
for your hand there,
and the wear and tear.

I am thankful for this noose,
and my ability to tie it loose.

I used to think I couldn't go a day without your smile. Without telling you things and hearing your voice back.

Then, that day arrived and it was so **** hard but the next was harder. I knew with a sinking feeling it was going to get worse, and I wasn't going to be okay for a very long time.

Because losing someone isn't an occasion or an event. It doesn't just happen once. It happens over and over again. I lose you every time I pick up your favorite coffee mug, whenever that one song plays on the radio, or when I discover your old t-shirt at the bottom of my laundry pile.

I lose you every time I think of kissing you, holding you, or wanting you. I go to bed at night and lose you, when I wish I could tell you about my day. And in the morning, **when I wake and reach for the empty space across the sheet, I begin to lose you all over again.