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newpoetica Feb 2019
sad poetry,
that's what my mind says to me.
let it all all out,
vent and then try and pout.
because newpoetica, if you are honest with who you really are,
you can get yourself feeling up to par.
keep a healthy mind set,
because that's the least you can actually get.
the world is spinning,
your light is dimming.
and it's okay, my mind tells me,
but it's not okay to not live, because there is still so much more beauty for you to see.
i had an extremely difficult day, so i decided to log onto hello poetry to hopefully release any pain i was feeling or in reality cope with it. what i logged on to see made me cry, but this time today they were happy tears. 36 notifications of people appreciating my work. it's not the attention but the fact that i have been having a really hard time with everything. i have been confident for a years now, but the past two years and especially thesee last two months... i just haven't wanted to be me anymore. i have ******* up so much and have so much emotional baggage. i wrote a bit of poetry when i was younger, but started using it to cope last December in 2018. it has helped me in more ways than one. today i logged on to write that life isn't worth it and how I wanted to be numb, but seeing that maybe I have something worth it to pursue as a hobby and something relaxing in life. so thank you for everything, i didn't ever expect feeling so grateful to those on the internet :))
newpoetica Feb 2019
often more times than not, i question if i have a knack for writing poems.
truth be told, i cannot discern the answer.
i attempt to make something roll off the tongue.
but, it's hard to do so when you don't know how to start.
so, a poet like me will have trials and tribulations that weigh heaviness on themselves.
it's the soul-crushing kind that feels similar to a heart aching.
because you want to be one of the best, but the reality is that you don't have the means to become better.
newpoetica Jan 2019
i'm awful and rotting,
i'm good for nothing.
i'm so far from being even a decent daughter.
in fact, i should be charged with a soul slaughter.
she's my own mom,
she has always made me so calm.
yet here i am breaking her,
making what little confidence she has left deter.
i don't know how to apologize,
when what i said to her was far from lies.
yet i took it too far,
i made her feel like she isn't up to par.
it was one hair color, but i know,
that she took it to heart, like an arrow from a bow.
what i wish she knew is that despite this mistake, i love her,
this is the only statement that i can say for sure.
I just had to vent, I hurt my mom and I feel so awful.
newpoetica Jan 2019
before i knew it was all too good to be true,
i genuinely cared so much for you.
you put all this trust into a person,
but they let you walk away while they're there *******' and cursin'.
see, the thing is that we all want to see the person's best,
even though their hurtful words never give you a rest.
we want to see these people grow,
so that one day their love for us will maybe someday show.
that though, isn't love at all,
it's your eyes that are covered by a shawl.
it is good to have hope in the face of the worse,
but that viewpoint is also a curse.
truth be told, toxicity isn't always easy to leave,
this is a thought that's worth to conceive.
before i knew it was too good to be true,
i genuinely cared so much for you.
I've been slacking on my poetry recently ever since school started up again. On the bright side, that means I'm not dealing with that many family problems or issues because I'm too busy to care. Also I have a crap ton of homework due to AP US History and AP Psychology, so wish me luck on that stuff. Haha.
newpoetica Jan 2019
there's something so beautiful about you being broken,
you're still kind, honest, and open
you, my love, are yourself and unapologetic,
so as i attempt to string along these descriptions into something poetic
remember how much i adore you
there is nothing that i've felt to be more true
because even as you are struggling to move on
you still wake up each day to see the dawn
newpoetica Dec 2018
what do you do when you're ashamed?
do you cower with fear because you're the only one to be blamed?
the hardest part of admitting failure is knowing you're going to have to restart.
you finally realize that this time you have to play the part.
it means you must be responsible and willing,
instead of not studying, and staring at your bedroom ceiling.
i've learned this now, it only took two years.
but i swear this time around i'm all ears.
if i don't keep this promise to myself, then who am i.
because everything i say will be a lie.
newpoetica Dec 2018
you tell me to call
my head instead,
hits a wall
the fear of losing you,
it's killing me too
the fact that this could mean goodbye
if this life is your love,
then without your love, i will surely die
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