you said you loved me,
a single lilac among others.
prettier, you said.
sweeter, softer.
you loved my delicacy,
sense of solitude,
my endearing growth.
however,
sprouts whither,
and I find
myself asking
why must you
always turn back
to smell
the roses.

Just a cut,
Just a scratch.
It wouldn't hurt,
It wouldn't last;

It would fade,
Fade into blue;
The colour of sadness,
The colour of you.

Concealed depression is
Buying water proof mascara
So you won't have to reapply makeup
after each daily breakdown.

Concealed depression is
Laughing at everything
so they won't question
why your eyes always water.

Concealed depression is
staying up until 4 a.m
because it's the only time
you can ignore the world
and no one will notice.

...Or concealed depression is
taking three melatonins
in hopes you'll sleep deep
enough to keep the terrors at bay.

Concealed depression is
Staying consistently busy
So your mind will be too exhausted
at the end of the day to fight you.

Concealed depression is
the impatient selfish monster
that burns bridges as you cross them.

Concealed depression is
feeding yourself lies like
"I'm fine" or "I won't cry".

Concealed depression is
the uphill battle that you don't get to win once;
it's a mountain you're forced to climb every single day.

Concealed depression is
silently screaming, hoping someone
will have super sonic hearing,
swoop in like a bat,
and carry you under their wings.

Concealed depression is
never hugging too tightly
or meeting a gaze too intensely
in case your guts may slip
out before you can catch them.

So when they accuse you of changing,
when they accuse you of rage and indifference,
of violence and apathy,
when they ask why you never called,
when they ask why you never told them,
all you can say is that concealed depression
is like an overbooked hotel and there's only room for one.
All you can say is that you were afraid
Your darkness would drown them too
and then there would be no one left to save you.

my lover comes from a town where
every image triggers the memory
of a memory : everything is new and
overgrown, even the trees. but it feels
as if he has been here forever.

the sky floats in my rearview
as a reflection against an old,
white dodge neon, sun settling
into the hollow hole in my
stomach
like
melted peach frozen yogurt.

last bit of sunlight sleeping somewhere
in my skin, i put my brights on halfway
down the highway, smiling into the
shadow of today (the shadow of him),
i can't help but love the way
his eyes smile before i
leave.

i roll my windows
all the way down
so it will feel like
i am flying
all over.

stop light red moon
i follow
where the sun sits
home into the
night

slow driving
i have time to think
take pictures of tree
-lines so i won't
disappear

our words trail across
the sky as airplane exhaust
fade before i blink
i still feel them
in my skin

i feel him waiting in
every forest
every second
every foot more of pavement
until i am home

and he is smiling as i drive away
**** any god, i pray he follows

Meet me where the sidewalk ends and the highway begins
Somewhere between the endless showers of spring and the changing shades of autumn
A place I once knew like the back of my hand
resting under yours
Where we could have sat in silence for all of eternity
If time had slowed down or stood still
But seasons shifted

Tonight
Wrapped in the dying light of the setting sun, I close my eyes
And fall off the face of the earth and back
Into your arms

Ive written the note
I'm ready to take the pills
Only to be told that what I'm doing is
Selfish

Apparently it is selfish to commit suicide as you do not think of those
that you leave behind.
People clearly don't understand
The meaning behind suicide.

Yes you are leaving people behind
But it is not like you did not think of them
That is why I cried while writing the note
I cried while I thought of my mom at my funeral

To those that think suicide is selfish -
They should think of how selfish
it is to drive people into such a deep depression
That the only way to make it stop is to end their life

I'm not selfish
I'm selfless
As the world is a better place
Without me