You told me you wanted to die
on the mountainside on the 28th of July.
The same day your mother died.
Chased by your sins shouting melodies that are carved on skin.
The kingdom has fallen and you were loved in the best ways possible by the people you wanted, but now the river overflows all the dreams you once held close to you dearly.
And now here you stand reading the letter that she wrote.

"Keep alive and live past my grave. Grow flowers in the darkest places and bring light into your lungs and breathe the air that smells so sweet. Believe there is a place beyond the hollow ground and believe we'll meet up there one day again, but please do not make that day anytime soon. Climb the trees that the past has planted here and swim to the other edge, always be on the other side. Don't worry if you trip over your own feet. Don't fiddle with the cuts you marked but kiss them each day until they're there no more. Follow the path that leads to the river and watch how it flows gracefully over sharp rocks to make them smooth enough to hold. Early in the morning awake with joy because the sun shines for you and the birds sing for only you to hear. Do this for me, my lion heart."

And you kept that letter in your pocket every day and held the crisp paper in your hands pretending it was hers.

I found you in the cracks of winter. On our first date, we drank tea from cups bigger than our faces. You also told me you wrote poetry. I noticed how every time you would lick your lips before you would speak. The first time you read me a poem your window was open and it was raining. Your voice cracked and you cleared your throat six times. I was smitten. After our third date, I showed you my favorite place in the world. I took you to a bay on the outskirts of town. I told you the stories I carved into the sand a long time ago. I told you I came here every time the world kept turning but I felt as though I've fallen off, waiting for a guitar solo crash or a midnight knock on my window.

I wanted to tell you, you were my midnight knock. You let me hold your book of poems that night. There were bite marks in them from when you said you climbed up in trees back when you were as tall as the kitchen counter. We had conversations of Bon Iver and soccer as we laid on the sandy bay.

I realized that night I wanted to be there with you when the clock swallows up your time and watch indie movies on Netflix when there is nothing good on TV. I turned to look into space and swallowed all my feelings. I felt hollow when I looked at you and noticed your skin was old and tired. But you looked at me like you were young. You said I was the first to make you feel this way. I was smitten.

At first, I looked at you like a star but ended up seeing the whole solar system.

This has all just been a game
one you can't win,
but you're forced to play.

The game keeper has got your
beloved ones around his finger.
A king in a devil's costume.
He calls the shots and makes the moves.
And it can be 'game over' for them
with just a roll of the dice.

In a ring of fire,
that no water can put out,
I watch suicides all around me.
A jump from up high, a shot to the head,
a dive in the water never to be seen again.

In this game there is no survivors but
there is one victor.
He sits and waits for us to fall.
He sits and stays watching the heroes die.
Watch them fall like flies
into the never ending hole in the ground.

I'll be watching my own death tonight.
I'll be dead before the day is done.
I'll be running with the demons at sunrise.
I'll because a slave to his kingdom
because that's where they all go.
Deep though the hole centered on the ground.

I sail alone
because the sea now holds my lover's bones.
Some nights I see parts of her red dress
floating by in distance.
Death was always engraved on her skin
since the day I said hello.
Over the waves, isolation is my only company.
I age with the sea,
I am a constant pattern of madness.
Only at night do I dance for the midnight stars.
The moon was my partner,
the only one I couldn't destroy.
I lead, the moon followed, with her dress of waves that
flowed gracefully around my ship.
We don't dance for long as I fear
one day I'll be the end of her.
The clouds were beautiful.
A home I crave away from these grounds.
A place that's far from a soul I could damage.
I pledged, I would never love a person again,
or get to attached to them.
I wish to be far away from earth,
I want to be up with the thunder.
Distant from where all my past
lovers are six feet under.

I've been on the run for 500 years.
I carved a map on my back
of all the places I've been.
It's made up of all the old stars from my eyes
that no longer have meaning to me.

What a shame you couldn't have come with me.

The trees stand taller than the mountains,
growing up into the skies to touch the clouds.
The lady in the lake that pushed and pulled the boats
was a lovely savage.
These lands had no end.

I meet a man that lived on the clouds.
He told me the story of how he invented the stars
and how he cried the rain.
I never did run from the rain again.

I listened to the wind's whisper,
so low only for my ears to hear.
They told me to paint flowers for you.

So I took myself and found your stone.
Quiet, cold, and ever so selfishly was this sight to see for me.

I'm sorry your last breath was wasted on my name.
I have lost you to greed.
I wanted to travel forever with you,
but your state of body did not agree.
I took you from your saver and your bed,
and now I walk a thousand miles on my own.

I look for you every time the sun
falls down,
but knowing I'm lost in the moon's glow.

I would give all for you
to be here with me.
Winning isn't all that fun in
the end,
but now the game is over
and I stand lone a victor.

I painted you a garden of the most beautiful roses.
It's such a shame you'll never be able to see them.

I've been standing in the water for a long time now
searching for the end,
but only tripping over stones in the pathway.
Someday my pain
will fade away,
but sadly I'll have to go as well
don't cry yourself to sleep.
It'll make me happy
to die while I still feel alive.
This disease has eaten all that I'm made up of.
Do this for me,
when I'm drifting away, please
hold me tight.
I rather not be alone.
Instead, point out my favorite constellations,
carve this date into a tree,
and sing to me.
Just please sing to me.
I'll find peace in your words and,
I'll catch the tears
that fall from your redden cheeks
and hold them close to me.
There's probably a better place somewhere
out there for me.
A place where there is no pain
and no suffering
because this cancer is slowly killing me,
and I can't live in this state anymore.
I'm sorry.
This world isn't for me
so I must leave.
I must leave.

With sand sinking quickly,
It’s dragging me down and there’s no way of saving me.
You stand and watch me drown in my own river, for now, I’m just a skeleton in your closet.

Words of regret you feed me,
But I throw them into the stream because the adventure was so much sweeter.
I told you to just leave me in a pit and wait for the earth to cover me up.
If you so greedily wish to see me again just dig me up.
When I ask to throw me into the sea you were scared of the waves I was to create.
I told you not to worry because if you want to see me again just dive down below.

This life is all I want to remember.
I don’t want to live a future.
You told me if I died you’ll never grow me flowers or cry for my pain.
So I stopped and lived another day for you.

And you told me you have been on the run for decades but never knew why.
So since you know you must keep moving you kissed me in every language you knew,
As our hands parted like passing ships.