You sit politely on the shelf,
tempting, teasing.

You haven't changed in the years.
Physically, at least. But I know
you've grown bitter, behind that
facade.

One day, I think, I'll take you down.
Finish you in a day, come back in a year.

I remember where we met. That
shop, the covered market.
Knew you were the one. The promise
of romance, a cunning plan...

I returned home giddy, keen to begin.
But a new job forced a delay; then a girlfriend, depression, apathy.

I took you down once. Made a start but never finished.
So I put you back, guilty of that literary crime.

So many books, so little time.

Inspiration is scarce.

Masculinity ravages like a
starved beast on all
that's pure and painless.

Upon my life it clings and
departs not now nor never.

In hours of weakness it strikes
and pseudo power creates a
pleasant bleakness.

When all is over I lay in sweating
idleness. Womanhood must hate me
but sometimes I hate it too...

*** is a *****

I searched for love
and found it after many years.
But she didn't fufill me. Alas,
more tears

I looked for work
and got it after a few weeks.
But it didn't fufill me. And all my
hope leaks

I decided to pay for pleasure
and it worked for a few nights.
But it didn't fufill me. How life's
pain bites.

I turn to substance
and I live from day to day.
But it doesn't fufill me. My sanity
drifts away

I long for some feeling
and all the clocks fall.
I can't grasp anything and
I am; and that is all

Well if I saw her now my eyes would
turn inwards, my torso away from
her place, my head tilted in
disregard.

Still, her face, in all its
horrific glory, is unmoving
in my mind. And when she passes
the memories of it return
fliterringly

The knife of regret tries to cut it,
the wind of thoughts obscure it,
and the force of envy destroy it.

But she remains through it all.

How I long for the order of solitude.
Away from the malicious passion
and the maddening peace. The longing
ceases

until she no longer cares- but I do.
And in the nights when I battle for
the never coming release, I think
of the days when we were one.

I don't see her now- did I ever?
and now i suppose i wasn't so clever

Come with me
I said with glee
I'll take you to bed
Or we'll kiss instead

She agreed to the former
But it didn't seem to warm her
In fact, she seemed sad
Was I that bad?

It ended short
For we were keen to abort
And she ran away madly
Perhaps even gladly

Not really worth a dime
And I think next time
In search of better joy
I’ll pay for a boy

You belong with the social beings
Who want to chat and laugh with glee
As we all are meant to be
It’s with them you ought to live
Not with him, poor him
Who has nothing else to give

He chases you and cherishes you and wants to be you
But when he tries so hard to be bold
You shoot him down and make him feel cold
So he runs and ravishes and friends are rare
Only I stick by him
You don’t want to care

So remember this dear friend
Each time you laugh and point and jeer
He’s alone once more, no reason to cheer
Lying in bed, so thin
He draws a blade and
Etches symbols onto his skin

And if you knew how the blood stained his floor
You wouldn’t find it funny any more

She whips me down
And drags me round
She roars like thunder
And my freedom is plunder
She spits and seethes
And still nothing pleases

And so I’ll leave
For she will not relieve
The torrid strain I am under
In this oh so monstrous dismal blunder
I’ll succumb to a sweet sleep
And I know you won’t weep
As I end my stay
Besides, who could dismay?

Dear Miss you are so pure
More holy than sinful
More exciting than bore
And I tell you gladly
I will not complain
If treated badly
For I am so profane

You sit there in divinity
Blessed and humble
Like my holy trinity
And I’ll sit here below
Out of reach
Your sanctity, no!
I shall not impeach

The white dove flies and flutters
But doesn’t match to you
Nor do any others
So I won’t speak cursely
For nothing could be worsely
I tell you now I am not worthy
No! I am not worthy

Above me there are great stars
That shine so wondrous
But cannot tell me why
I am so loveless
Then for a moment
While I ponder in despair
The heavens seems to realise
And one moves slowly through the air

Slow at first but then quicker
The star moves with ease
Across acres of farmland
And stretches of seas
And its beauty in this night
Gives me a subtle pleasure
Unheard of in such times
Of hatred and of terror

Then it vanishes
And order is resumed
My world is bleak again
Or so I assumed…

Yet as life takes hold
And I remain so alone
And words of friends bite
Too close to the bone
I find comfort somehow
In the way it flew
New feelings emerge
And I laugh anew


So upon days when all is gone
I think of that star in all its grace
And without thought
My heart begins to race
For the moment has passed
But is not thrown and tossed
And memories remind me
That all is not lost