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lila Mar 2019
every time the doorbell rings
my heart stops and sometimes
i think i start hearing things
small flashbacks
of broken childhood memories
and apologies falling through the cracks
but i can’t seem to forgive you
after all that you’ve put me through
because, i guess you forgot
but you hurt me too
3/30/2018
lila Mar 2019
did you know
1 in 5 women
will be ***** during her lifetime
but every 1 has a name
and every name has a story
and no one story
is ever the same
mine isn’t any exception

it didn’t happen at all
like u think it did
there were no shadowy figures
reaching out rough hands
to pull me into an empty alley
as i walked the streets alone at night
8 out of 10 rapes are by someone you know

my body wasn’t a rag doll
to be thrown against a brick wall
while ****** objections flew
from my mouth like cannonballs

it was just us
in a space that was ours
a hushed no living and dying on my lips
the scary sweet nothings
whispered in my ear
must have drowned out the tides
rolling in and streaming
down my cheeks
because your hand never once left my throat
and you didn’t stop

i was nothing more than a shiny object
laid out on a dingy sheet
for you to devour
made to please

but when i rusted
i was abandoned
right where u took me
a corpse to rot
amongst the flowers
but if u squint hard
i may be pretty enough
to use again
3/28/2018
lila Mar 2019
i kept my promise
and loved you more
than there were
stars in the sky

you said you loved me
all the way to the moon
but that love never
came back down
to earth
2/25/2019
lila Mar 2019
you were my medicine
but now im overdosing
straight to the brain
when i take you in
doses so large people wonder
how im not dead yet

and my friends are in my ear
screaming, crying, reminding me
that all you caused was hurt
but your love was just so blinding

maybe our love was laced
because darling, im high on you
and youre high on me
our romance became chemical

****, u were my medicine
and now im overdosing
everytime you go
it leaves me jonesing
for one more hit
the sweet sensation of acidic touch
i couldnt afford to believe in
such thing as too much
euphoria

the sting, the drip, the pain
the energy i get
only lasts a fleeting moment
so i crave something harder

my need for pain
became insatiable
i dont know if im capable
of staying sober  
3/26/2019
lila Feb 2019
mon ange,
what a lovely collection of paradoxes
darling, you’re absolutely celestial

kisses imitate the taste of fresh vanilla
and those eyes
twinkling divinely
as deep as the galaxies
in which they reside

your voice is heavenly
like waves crashing on moonlit shores
and that laugh
i swear it sounds just like
a light bell chiming
music to my ears

your graces blinding rays
shine their golden light
upon sun kissed cheeks

mon ange,
you are a symphony to my senses
2/21/2019
lila Feb 2019
writing words of revolutions
with the real stories
scribbled out between the lines
encased in beautiful metaphors
hidden in plain sight
1/30/2019
lila Feb 2019
i had my words stolen from me
time and time before
strips of duct tape placed over my mouth
to keep me silent
because it was wrong of me
to feel anything but happy

and really
i’m okay
these words bled out
from the ink in my pen
were the raw emotions felt
that i couldn’t seem to verbalize
pieced together into
these innocent little stanzas
that everyone seems to write
from time to time
so what’s the harm
that comes from a few lines?

and if i wanted them out there
i would have told you
either shouted from the mountain tops
or whispered in the dark
if i wanted you to know
trust me
you would have known

but instead of dripping onto paper
the ideas, the emotions, the pain
whatever you want to call it
buried itself inside me
became ammunition
in a then loaded gun
pointed at my head
until it became too much
where any little thing
could just pull the trigger
but it was always better to keep me silent right?

so think think twice
before you steal these words from me again
because this time around
the ammo locks into
my fiery tongue
not afraid to fight back anymore
because I’ve found my words again
no thanks to you
1/27/2019
toxic relationship silence words stolen steal mute
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