In my bones there is fire
It seeps from my marrow
It radiates
It burns me from the inside out demanding to be heard
To be felt
To be known
I shut my eyes and push back the pain
The sorrow
I allow myself to become hollow
And pure
But I am unclean
I am filth
I am rage
There is a fire
And it burns
And as I rip the flesh from my bones
I can hear it whisper
It is pure

In darkness I found myself
Empty through the veins
To my finger tips
Numb
I became
Inseparable from the pain
The leeches that drew
The words from my flesh
My flesh from my bones
The bones I crack open
To feel alive
To feel ashamed
I'm on my knees and I no longer feel a thing
Feel you
I long for you
I cling to you
But you can't even hear me anymore
But until the earth has taken me
Until my rotting marrow
Seeps into the bellow of the lamb
I will call for you
For you

(I) have always seen you differently
You have never (lied) to me
(You) have such pure intention and
I am not used to honesty
As the caterpillars (are) changing
You remain the same
Think they are (perfect) anyways
That is....
Special
But (to) be frank
I do not need you
I am a caterpillar and I can manage on my own
Grow on my own.
I shall go on being (me)
And you can have your flaws young man.
I don't need a mirrored dream.

You have all the things I need
To prove im more than just a seed.
Merely planted in the dirt
You give me water spurt by spurt.
As I grow into a flower
Their cold souls cast over me like an erie tower
I start to wither. Start to fade.
I am covered in dark shade.
You act as sunlight too,
Turning my skies bright and pale blue.
You warm my heart and rejuvenate life
And remove all my strife.
Pain can not forever end
But can be managed by a true friend.

The day I left you,
I didn't want to drive away.
Part of you was still mine,
And I realize now that it was your heart.
That seems irrelevant now.
Threats are not the way to win me back.
Neither are love letters.
Phone calls.
It is over.
I was so in love with you.
You ****** that up.
I was protecting you, and you repay me with this.
I admit I wanted you back.
Not now.
Maybe one day, that boy with the big brown eyes,
The one I see standing at the alter when I close my eyes,
Maybe one day he will help me get over this hell you put me through.
Love me.
Unlike you.
Maybe I've never met him,
Maybe I have.
I see him though.
We will be happy.
And as for you,
I hope you realize I did everything I could to help you,
I left when I didn't want to.
You chose to break me.
Your mistake.
I'm moving on.
To find my brown eyes,
And wash away your big blues.

Dear Friend
I do not know what's wrong with me
It's something that I fail to see
But what I really can't conceive
Is why you're trying hard to flee
Dear Friend
I know of late I've given up
But don't look at me like a wounded pup
Do not avoid or just say "yup"
When you know half empty is my cup
Dear Friend
Do not say things behind my back
Or patience I will surely lack
The smile I wear is going slack
And your every glance is an attack
Dear Friend
Not everything is my fault
I wish that wasn't the default
And for my wounds don't be the salt
Be even half the sweetness of a malt
Dear Friend
I guess what I am trying to say
Is I need a helping hand today
Or insanity is the price I'll pay
Because you are pushing me away.

You will never begin to comprehend
The fear I have in just existing.
I want it all to meet its end
The dark thoughts always keep persisting.

Will you ever understand
The world I see through twisted eyes
The silent stares that reprimand
And touches I'll forever despise?

The things that haunt me are unseen
To everyone except for me;
My demons come with just routine
For one to sympathize, I plea.

The thing is:
You **** me off.
I am literally so done with your sass.
Your stares that cut through me.
The annoying way you ignore me to get me to "chase after" you.
What the hell do you think you're doing?
Im not a toy, **** it.
Either love me or don't.
Fact of the matter is, I will ALWAYS love you.
I have tried not to. I can't win.
So either leave me alone,
Or hold me while I cry.

Why do I always crave the knife
Or broken protractor
I'm sick of this
Never ending **** really
It feels so good to just scrape the blade
On my bare skin
Not cutting or leaving a single mark
Just feeling the blade
Feeling it
I guess I just want to feel something
And tha used to bring me comfort
I want to feel comfortable again
I hardly remember what that is like
And why does something that causes pain
Make it easier to breathe
Takes away the pain
The blood shows that my ticker still beats on
I've never drawn blood
I wonder if the ticker is beating after all
It sure feels dead in there
I'm not sure this is a poem
Just a series of thought
I guess that's what poetry is, right?

When I met you, my life changed
Don't know when this feeling came
I got out of bed one morning
Shocked about this feeling

It's not right to love you, I know
But I can't force myself to forget you
You gave color to my life
Though I know the time is not right

I told myself to stay away from you
But I can't teach my heart not to love you
This feeling I had for you keeps growing
A reason for me to be afraid of what this could bring

My mind always telling me to let you go
But my heart is always saying "I Love You"
This heart really rules my mind
And that is why I can't stop this feeling inside

Asking God to help me to decide
Which one will I follow Heart or Mind?
God has purpose to what I feel
For He only knows about what is real

One thing in common between my heart and mind
Is that they're both saying what is right
My mind is right and so with my heart
But one thing is for sure, You are a part of my life