Anxiety
Inside of me
Never show
Society
Just be strong, keep moving
Right along, it's your choosing
To feel this way

That's what they say
But they don't know this feeling
Twenty four seven my stomach is reeling
And just before I thought of dissappearing

Too bad there's no running
Feel sad for what? Nothing
I thought I was strong
But it wasn't for long

Bottled it up and now I'm broken up
Can't even soak it up
Lack of emotion and feel like exploding
My ego's imploding, body's eroding

So that's how I was
Until I...found drugs

No place to call home
I faced on my own
This cold world
Taught me the hate we all know
Brought me disgrace we've all chose
To forget about, but I'd never pout

Still, I remember and it's the cause of my endeavors
Cause if in December, it was warmth to be remembered
Then I wouldn't be the man who fights and writes this quite clever

Never saying never
I might feel less pleasure
It's all the for the better

Self made is an understatement
I paved the pavement,
Layed foundation
On a lot that's vacant
What have I created?
A lot that they can't.

I'm on one
Been trapped in a buzz for four or six months
Since that I've pulled a few stunts
My mind, opposite judgement of a nun's
So I tend to act rugged when it comes

I'm on one
Zapped down by these side effects
Trapped now, take benzos to alleviate
More and more as the effects depreciate
Good for a few hours
But I need to finish this report, so I give myself powers
Amphetamines by all means
I had a dream once, but now I cant sleep
Don't use guns, to do this damage to myself
Going through funds to do this damage to myself

I'm on one
Is it worth it in the long run?
I've Seen what happens and it isn't fun
But how can I do this job without them
Be out of water, desperate as a trout, man
Aches and pains I think I have the gout man
Take pain killers, the real brain killers

I'm on one
Tipping over while typing these words
Tripping over how I got this net worth
Incognito, reputation with the best first
Wish I could reveal, but I'd have no appeal
They'd think I went bananas

See I no longer have the fun that I had before hand
Gleam in the Rover like the sweat against my forehead
Blasting AC on max, thinking about paying tax
But I already am, my kidneys show the facts
Because I'm on one

Another Sunday, time to recover
From all the drugs, my only lover
Take my B vitamins to start the circulation
With some fish oils to reduce inflammation
Most importantly, are my amino acids
Because of that I've been flushed
So now I replenish these masses
The benzos are the only drugs that get touched
So addicted to them, so I know it's a must
If a doctor read this, he'd understand my logic
But if a doctor read this, he'd command me to stop it
As I continue my day with my normal acting mind
I realize I'm a slave to drugs, all the time
But I'm financially flourished
The whole family I nourish

And after reading these poems, I feel some people get jealous
Who would follow me? They know my soul I had sold it
I always follow back, I'm not a bad guy
Now sit on top of that, I'm not living a lie
I could really care less about it
It's just an alias, and a therapeutic outlet
Just another Sunday
Glad you read about it

You can buy your way out of anything
In my supply you'll see I take everything
But in this poem I won't talk about pills
On my own, my dreams I fulfilled

Mesmerized by green paper at a young age
No surprise, planned to be a doctor by a certian age
I mean, I always wanted to help people
Until one day, I let a women turn me evil

So my personality obtained a sequel
No remorse, doing everything illegal
A different course, had to find my own kind
Now of course, the stock exchange was in my mind

Ever since she cheated on me
My main goal was to achieve luxury
Brown nosed those who I perceived under me
Clown nosed them as I put them under me

Now I'm at the very top
My name, can't even drop
Destroy my reputation?
Rather be a vegetation

Money is freedom
That saying, incredibly dumb
Have to write with a brown bag on my face
Drug addicted boss looks like a disgrace
Trapped behind golden bars
I wish I could say more
But all this...for that lame *****?

Wake-up with the pill bottle next to me
Other side is the girl that had *** with me
I know she doesn't love me
I just flaunt some of the money
Then they wanna come see

Get out of bed when they start to kick in
So amazed how I got all these prescriptions
Pill caddy because today I'm on a mission
Driver is out front
Time to put on the front

Get to the office, bursts of motivation
See my partner do it-with no medication
But things are fine, no reason to whine
I got it all

But when I define all, it's where I fall
Money, drugs, mansion
And no hugs from a honey or some laughing
Who will I share it with?
My computer I just stare at it

Give my tasks to my secretary
Because, that's why I pay you, Sheree
I'm just the founder
With a bold face to motivate

No more brown nosing
See, now they brown nose me
But as the clock hits four PM
Look at all our profits, yeah I see them

Time for my downers so I can mellow out
All the guilt, time to throw it out
Let's go out, Sheree
She says yes, not to me...but to the money
Yeah I admit it kinda hurts...
But its all in, A Day's Work

What doesn't **** me makes me stronger
That which kills me, is what I long for
We're all trying to maintain
But I feel
I'll never abstain

Rid the pain, make it rain
I'll prove it with one-eighty proof
Bulletproof liquid
Even better when I mix it...

Yellow, green, and blue
I pop to change my moods
Try to control emotion
It's my own secret potion
Sink into the couch
Grab some lotion

The lonely stoner
Trapped in his mind tonight
Trapped in his mind tonight
Wasn't awake for her wake
His days and nights are mixed
Her funeral he missed
Time for another fix...

You can have
All that you dream
Said my dad
Eyes opening

From that moment
A ****** for lust
Was my main component

Wealth was a must
No one to trust
Hated everyone, except green faces
I guess I had become a racist

Skate through class, got a degree
But only thought of luxury
Traded all my friendships
For full time internships

As you work your way up the latter
Money becomes all that matters
Bank account high, seven digits
Before my age was five times six

But how can you flaunt it to your **** list
When you lack time to even spend it?
So confined, in this concrete jungle
No love of mine, I'd ever stumble

Trapped within the US dollar
Perhaps I shouldn't have even bothered
But now I wear the golden handcuffs
Without a key, I try to stand tough

If I was poor, I'd be less happy
Another round, and make it snappy
Drown myself in fine wine
And crown myself after I snort my line

Set the alarm and sink to bed
I wish I couldeve seen ahead
I wish my father would have told me
Zeros and commas, can make you lonely.

Twelve hours now, stuck in bed
Last night's memories, stuck in my head
Twelve pills in, my heart was racing
Thinking of, the girl for chasing

She was once mine, until I ruined it
Drugs and money, my soul consumed it
Twelve times two, how many months with you
Our life I drew, but traded drugs for you

When you left me, I craved success
I got it all, you moved on to another
I gave you more, he gave you less
I took a pill, then popped another

Head full of thoughts
Bed full of memories
See money talks
It gets my remedies

Two times twelve, how much I popped
Into my bed, my body dropped
See, all my remedies
Land me into memories

One day at a time
My Mom's the strongest
At alcoholics annonimous

One day at a time
I count my pills
Doctor hopping prevents the chills

They keep her going
Her AA peers
Four months in, without a beer

They keep me going
Addies, I'm wide awake
Kolonopin, come reduce my shakes

So proud of you
As I look in her eyes
New innocence within her mind

So proud of you
Her oldest son
Living lie, I am one

Can't sit still, feelings overflowing
I grab a pill, my cravings growing
Trick all my doctors with false symptoms
Just to control my nervous system

They say life has ups and downs
When I'm down, I pop some ups
Pop the downs when my heart erupts
My morals gone, I am corrupt

One day at a time
Made that motto evil
One day at a time
Countdown to my refills