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 Oct 2017 joel hansen
Khaniek
Come here and whisper in my ear all the lies you feed yourself,
The fairytales that should chase the nightmares away.
Tell me about the times lost,
How you went searching for what you thought was promised.
Tell me when you realized that nothing is promised. How the nightmares were reality and the fairytales did nothing to comfort your heart.

I want to know how you still smile.
When everything in you cries, the tears that hit your pillow every night, the unanswered questions that plague your mind, the dishonesty, the brokenness, the pain that festers still with each breath you take, the aching in the pit of your belly, the endless pulsing agony that travels straight to your fingertips simply because of a name said,
You know what comes next. Why do you take the same steps? Why are you still willing to smile?
Nothing will be left. Then what?

I can not smile for you. Not the way you’d want me to. I will not pretend. I will not pretend for you or anyone else.. I refuse to accept this false happiness so that you can laugh and smile with your woe.
If you need him so much I won’t tell you to let go,
Just don’t expect me to be apart of your gaiety.
Call me crazy
I refuse to talk in a room full of my peers,
Because I am afraid for
How those will react to the
“Shy” “Quiet” “Odd”
Girl to speak.

Call me crazy
I would rather be home writing
Enjoying a hot cup of hot cocoa rather than
Be out late at a party
With a random stranger
Who likes me for when I turn around

Call me crazy
I do not reach societies standards
For a barbie body,
Straight A’s,
Or owning the hottest pair of jeans on town.

Call me crazy
But I am not like the rest
And I refuse to become somebody
Who I do not want to be.
 Oct 2017 joel hansen
NTR
Would you kindly
hug me tight
with your hands
around my neck?
Would you kindly spend the night
and comfort this nervous wreck?

Could you show me a smile
while you tell me that I'm trash
Could you insult my lifestyle
without even batting an eyelash

Should you care about garbage like me
your tastes must be perverted
Should I be allowed to feel this happy
honestly, I'm uncertain.

I need you to use your claws
to draw out the blood from my skin
I need you to break through the walls
I built to hide my true self within

I need you to split me open and dig inside
to grasp at my heart if you can
I need you to know the thoughts that I hide
and love the person I really am
 Oct 2017 joel hansen
ChikuShanae
Im not getting any grey hairs,
Worrying about what you think of me.
I usually keep myself up nicely,
But sometimes Im carefree.
Your comments go through one ear out the other.

If you don't like me now,
I promise you wont like me later.
While you stuck in the past,
Im moving on to something greater.
 Oct 2017 joel hansen
matthew
You.
 Oct 2017 joel hansen
matthew
you apologize,
but you show no real remorse
you only want an excuse,
to keep me in your life,
to manipulate me,
to hurt me.

you hurt me.

you make me feel stupid,
fat,
ugly,
worthless.
worthless.

I am worthless

you've taught me that I have no self value,
that I am good at nothing

my self esteem is gone,
you've taken it all away,
I'm watching it burn,
with the memories of you.

you.

I hate you.
What if I can't look again?
Without disliking the words I say
I'm a manic
And the words in my head never truely translate
I wanna be a artist and create
Banish all forms of hate
That self deprecate
I wanna be happy and smile
But I can wait for a while
I'm impatient
But not like before
6am to see if Santa's called
Is this even good I question it all
But I've realised to move forward I have to scale every wall with due course.
 Oct 2017 joel hansen
Zero Nine
It's been heard I'm adequate with words
If only they knew,
they knew less
than the full
story

It's been said I'm blithe, articulate
I'm pleasant at that
That I have
and want not's
compensatory
transitory

In the end, I'm worth forlorn words, no more
In the end, my has-been charm goes dead weight
In the end, I'm your additive to the dull days
In the end, my gains come from a snake's tongue

In the end,
I'm nothing
but words
for reading

black lies
on the white light
of a flat screen

In the end,
I've nothing
but words
beneath me
beneath me

Beneath me twists and turns the caverns where my heart grows.
I call it art to your face, when I'm a broker by trade.
You won't know that you trade, you won't see that I sell myself.
You won't feel the hidden strings on your cervical
spine until you've given your food, four walls, window and door,
given your love to a dead duck scanning for escape.
at certain things, i excel
but in doing them i hurt myself
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