Echoes from the past

Bounced off of dim

Tobacco stained walls

Make their way

Into my room

Pastel green and blue

Mute the sound

Of

Poker chips and laughter

Chairs scraping the floor

Clinking and choking

Din and loudness

Makes me

Just as happy

As the room full of family

It chases the darkening night

And childhood fear

Like whispering smoke

Breathed from the dragons ’round the table

Downing whiskey and stories

Laughing

Not knowing

But singing sweet lullabies

In the dark

Singing down the hallway

Sweet goodnight

She was a child when she left

But when she returned

The man she used to know was gone

He had grown old

His bones thin

His belly fat

He still laughed

But the light in his eyes

Had grown dim

But still

She laughed along with him

And smiled at him

And pretended

That they were both

Still young

My pen is my saxophone

Played loud and lonely

In the night

Tunes of sorrow and joy

Running like honey

Singing sweet songs

Brass and breath

Heart beat and pen

Leaving languishing notes

Trailing in the dark still of night

Cold toast and salted ham
Just sitting in the sun
Warm skin
And hot coffee
Bringing in the day
Soft boiled eggs,
Breakfast honey
Suckled like morning dew
Brown beast,
Muscled madness
Laying at my feet
Just waiting
Perhaps
For breakfast in the sun

Why do you lie

While I sleep?

Telling things

That I should keep

Oh, Drunken pen

Trailing ink

Telling stories while I drink

Where are you

When I wake?

Gone, gone

But the ink

Just the ink

On paper traced

nothing left

But stories, Stories,

To be told

In the dark

Never, ever to be shown

in the light of day

But drunken pen

Why do you,

Yet sober stay

So far and  far away?

And in the sky
Floats all the breath
Of every man who has ever lived
Or ever died
Pasted onto the pale blue wind
Sometimes raining
Sometimes shading
But always and forever there

I wouldn't write
Not a word, Nay one
Until she caught me in the corridor
A dark hallway for sure
And put her blade to me
Sharp and cold
To the hilt
One push
One twist
To make me feel the pain
So now
And only now
Do I sing

And all that time
And all that love
In the end
Came to mean nothing
And the dreams of the young
Oh, those passions
Died on the beaches
Shot down storming life
Killed as surely as any man
Put to their end
And they bled out
All that they had
Tattooing the sand
With all their crimson hopes
Until the next tide
Erased them all
In shifting colored eddies
And washed them out to sea
To be gone forever

Not many marriages survive the death of a child
And now you and I
All old love aside
Are buried on that mound
Just as dead as he is
Just as cold and hard
We could not survive
And all we are now
Instead of you and I
Is just another statistic

I'm hoping that she lives now in the green pasture
That's nestled into the curve of the forest
Outside of the dappled dewy shade
And hued moistness
The blue sky running like water above
And the lazy trickling creek running it's course below
All the red clay gone
Cut through to shale and rock
By the water that cares nothing but to run
I hope that she has a place here
A place in the meadow in the Sun
A place to be warm
After all the cold she had in life

Do I dare to dream
To aspire to those lofty
heights from which I could fatally plummet?

Ah, but the air is crisp and the sky is
blue upon that misty summit

And it calls to my desire to have the world
beneath my feet

But if I am again to dream I first must rest and sleep

It was like waiting for the rain to come

Waiting for the drops to strike the parched dust and feed the earth

Hoping into blue skies and cotton clouds

That something would form

Would come

Given by grace or God

And it was that God awful wait

Not knowing from day to day

If she would live or die

It was as bad as the wait at a death bed

Waiting into the dawn for the dying gasps

And then one day it came

The skies opened

She told him that she wanted to decorate for Christmas

No tree or gifts and not even the inside of the house

But he knew

As soon as she said it

The wait was over

The rain had come

The water would run in the fields

She would live

Kiss me now like it is the last time
For tomorrow only brings sorrow
Kiss me now
And hold me
While warm love is still on my lips
Warm breath still in my body
Kiss me now
While I still have life
For some time tomorrow
I will be cold

She had become a pale wraith
Just a ghost of the girl gone
Blondness and whiteness faded into one
Dead already
But not yet really
Still breathing
But with no heart beating
Nothing warm or filled with love
Just the pinch of the needle
Stinging in her arm
Her only smile
For that pleasure
But that too would soon be gone
And she would be cold and still
And she would wait in her bed
Frozen like a statue
Waiting for someone to find her
And consign her to the ground

It's time to be alive again
To Breathe again
To feel again
To let the dead
Be gone
And be dead

She moves through the darkness

Alive yet dead

In sheeted glory she breathes without life

Bleeding without battle, she fights

I wait and wait

I hope

It is a battle I cannot fight

My skills cannot persevere

Though sword and knife

Are easy to my hand

I wait

I trust the skill of another

Who's knife gives life

I hope that she can fight

She is all that I have

I wait

Her tears flowed like blood
As she cried her life out
And her blood flowed like ice
Frozen in her veins
And her heart became cold
As cold as winter wind
And her hot breath stopped
Just stopped and was no more
And who she was
Was gone
Gone
Like a bird flown
Carried on the wind
Never to land again

I flash like lightning
Blue crackling fury
From a cloudless sky

You should sulk away in shame. You are a bottom feeder pretending to
be predacious. Life has shown you that in the order of life, you will
rapaciously lick the lips of the alpha every time . You mistake your
pretension for power, and you and only you make that mistake. Don’t
think that any other believes that you are anything more than the
absolute bottom of the order. You can cry to all who will listen about
your greatness and only the most ignorant will believe; For a while.
Your attempts to empower yourself by belittling others is a pathetic
attempt to cover your own inadequacies. Maybe you haven’t realized yet that they can’t be covered, that everyone really can see you for whom you are. I am amazed that something would actually mate with you. I can’t believe that one of your slightly more pretentious peers has not taken her from you yet. You are a disgusting example of a human being. You are petty, jealous and cowardly. You are the very definition of anthropomorphism.; You have been attributed with human traits without actually having them. You are lower than an animal and are pathetic.

Gone from this body
And flown
To fairer places
With no pain or travail
Gone but for the memory
And love left behind
Gone but for legacy and legend
Gone but for us
The three percent
Left behind

I  remember

When we still danced like we were young

Under the silvered moon 'round the crackling fire

Spilling wine and laughter

Late into the night

Our own private party

Until the dawn of the day

When we still danced

Like we were young

I should have stayed in the shallow end of the pool
Getting nothing wet but my feet and legs
Risking nothing more than a chill
But I'm drowning
Choking on all of the right choices I've made
I'm drowning on all my loyalty and love
My lungs are filling and I die
I die
The air that I try to breathe
It's not air
And my lungs fill while I panic
Clamping,biting and heaving
And I'm in the deep end of the pool
Drowning
Feet trying to find the bottom
Drowning on people dying and hurting
Drowning in all the pain that they are not willing to face
And I'm under the water with no way out
And I don't know what's worse
To die and stifle and suffocate
Or to wade in the shallow end of the pool
And not care and just watch
While everyone else
Slowly goes under

When tyranny sings
And gunshots ring
Then it's time to cast my vote
From rooftop high
To mountaintop
I will make every vote count
In the  mean time now
And the mean time here
I am sitting this one out

I am odd
Some would say
But not to me
Living here in my own skin
In my castle of bones
Listening to words
Beating like my heart
Some would say
I am odd
But not to me

I think it was losing Lyric that did it
After everything else that I had lost
It was the  final straw
My gardens once bright and heavy laden with fruit
Became dry and fallow
The soil hard and unworked
Uncared for
The bright blue sky became pale
The sun harsh and hot
My hands so full of carving and craft
Gripped nothing
No longer was beauty
Birthed by them
They were as empty as my heart
In the end

I have become nothing
I am empty
I am devoid

She sits in the cold rain
And lets the dark night weep onto her skin
She does the only thing that he can't
Which is to feel
She is as cold as him now
But she breathes
Weeping into the night
But breathing nonetheless
Still having life
Even as the cold sting
Robs her of her warmth

It's a picture from better times
Long gone by
Cousins sitting in the doorway
Full of smiles
Still too young to dream
Just happy to be alive
But there is hope and happiness in all of their eyes
And enough life
To last forever
Enough dreams vested in them to fill the world
And I look at that picture
From so long ago
And I notice that the paint
Is scarred and worn
That dirt mars the door frame
But you know
Their smiles are so bright
That it doesn't really matter

Kiss me now like it is the last time
For tomorrow only brings sorrow
Kiss me now
And hold me
While warm love is still on my lips
Warm breath still in my body
Kiss me now
While I still have life
For some time tomorrow
I will be cold

The kindness of strangers
Has kept me going
Amidst death and pain
So much kindness has been sent my way
My heart though broken and rent
Is touched by so many
So far away
So many I don't even know their name
But I do know their kindness of thought
And deed
Thank you
For without all of you
My heart would bleed
Until I died

My words became
Roses
And made bouquets
To brighten her room
Beautiful red roses
Without any wilted petals
Of sorrow or fear
I left them laying
Strewn carelessly
About her bed
And left the crying
For the cold hallways

It was ******* terrible
Probably the worst thing I've had to do in my life
I couldn't look at her
The life drained from her young face
Killed by life
By child molesters
By her ***** of a mother
She looked at me and smiled
Asked me if I would come back and see her when she was better
But I knew that there was no better
There was no later
I had to leave the room
And let hot tears pour onto the cold and sterile tile
Before I could answer
I lied
I lied
I smiled and kissed her goodbye
Knowing that it would be final
And said goodbye

I won’t hold her

I won’t bind her to this earth

Not after losing the second one

Not after losing her baby

I won’t force her to stay

Not by promise or time

Or love or sacred vow

There is only so much

A human heart can take

Before it bleeds and breaks

When this one goes

I think that I I will have say goodbye

To all that I love

I won’t hold her

Anymore

I thought of her one day

Walking in the woods

Between the sun and shade

My wild child

My little Celtic beauty

Beautiful and strong

Her blonde hair

Flying in the wind

With a smile on her face

And mine

We had raced through

The narrow streets

On roaring steel

Wanton daredevils

Without fear or care

I smiled as the wind

Ruffled through my hair

Gently whispering memories

And wondered

Where

My wild child

Had gone

Just dig a hole
Make it big enough to hold us all
Just dig a hole
And roll us all in
Let's just be done
No more crying
And no more pain
Just dig a hole
And fill it in

He is gone now
Returned to dust
All that is left of him
Are his mother's tears
Tears that she cries in torrents of pain
Late at night when all others sleep and dream
She rocks in the old rocking chair
Weeping and sobbing
There is no comfort for her
Knowing that he is gone
His place on this earth vanished
The life that she gave no longer existing
All that is left of him now
Are his mothers tears

Let your children grow cold
Cold and hard as stone
Let your hot tears never fall on their skin
Let them go to the ground
Alone and without you
May your sorrow and grief
Never see them again
Never give the last goodbyes
May you be given as you have given
Not a measure more
Nor a measure less
May grief and misfortune
Follow you for what you have done
For you have forsaken a mothers love
And denied her
Her dead son

There is nothing sadder in this world
Than to see a mother sobbing into a baby blanket
It doesn't matter how old he was
Or what he had become
It can never change a mother's love
She breaks my heart
Watching her cry
Sobbing, knowing that he is cold

I can't tell you why it is
Anymore than I can tell you
Why the warm spring sun feels so good
Or that a tumbling waterfall is something to see
Or a blue sky is something to be lost in
Or how gently crashing waves can soothe a soul
But all I know
Is what it is
Somethings are just meant to be
And I think that I was meant to love her
I knew it the first time that I ever saw her
That we were like nature
The sun, the sky, the waterfall and the ocean
Everyone needs someone to love them
She has me.

I hope someday

That you will know

The love that was born with you

And will die with me

I hope someday

That something

Will take your pain from you

I hope you know

That I wanted the pain

To end with me

I hoped

That I could make it better for you

I couldn’t

I am sorry

My love has never dulled

And only will

When I cease to be

I love you

And will never know

If you care

I can never change that

But I will replace you

I swear

With something

That will make me forget

Although

All of the things

I’ve tried in the past

Have not worked

Someday

I hope

I got a gift of butter, now
Good butter it was claimed to be
I don't think it was from a cow
And if it was, it cowed me

A beard was growing on the stuff
A goatish beard without a doubt
Ah. it was sickly, sour and rough
With poison juices seeping out

Ah, it was slick. ah, it was grey
I don't think any goat produced it
I had to face it every day
Oh, how I wish I had refused it

The salts a thing it never knew
In fact I'm sure they never met
It sprouted spots of green and blue
It made me ill. I'm not right yet

'Twas made of grease and wax and fat
And substances too vile to utter
You may be sure that after that
Ive rather lost the taste for butter

She caught him out in the shed
Like a thief
Stealing a moment of pain
Wracked by sobs and pouring out tears
Over small and faded pink canvas shoes
The shoes had supplanted his purpose
Sapped his intent
They made his tools indifferent
And uncaring
Turned them into nothing more
Than rusting steel and hanging shapes
Outlined on musty pegboard
That meant nothing
Nothing at all
Until her small and gentle hands touched him
And in shame
He dried his eyes
And put the shoes away
Back in their box on the shelf
And became a man again
Lived again
And worked again
In his shed full of tools

He pounded coffin nails
With a hammer forged of fear
Every word of spite nailing in and holding
Badged and vested
Death and bullets resting in his gun
But still frightened by this woman
Standing proud
Whom he could not bully
Nor subdue
Hammer, hammer, hammer
Testimony to the judge
That in all his years
He had never met a woman like her
Who acted like her
No respect
No fear
Of course not you fool
You charged into the camp
Of Boudicea
Come to **** and pillage
And fell beneath her sword
Hammer, hammer, hammer
You can lock her up
But you can never bury fear

He pounded coffin nails
With a hammer forged of fear
Every word of spite nailing in and holding
Badged and vested
Death and bullets resting in his gun
But still frightened by this woman
Standing proud
Whom he could not bully
Nor subdue
Hammer, hammer, hammer
Testimony to the judge
That in all his years
He had never met a woman like her
Who acted like her
No respect
No fear
Of course not you fool
You charged into the camp
Of Boudicea
Come to **** and pillage
And fell beneath her sword
Hammer, hammer, hammer
You can lock her up
But you can never bury fear

It was a **** in the forest green
A two track
Run red with clay
Smelling of grass
And laid down below
The ocean of humid air
And it carried off miles into the swamp
Riding on the back
Of the long, long Island
And my feet followed it
Like a river of earth
'Til its end
At the old Indian mounds
Mountains of men
And the ghosts of long ago
Just sitting there in the lonely forest
Reaching up to the sky
And every time I arrived
I always thought the same
Such a lonely place to die

I didn't even know that I was dead
That my empty veins held no life
And my heart
That engine of my life
Had sputtered to a stop
And become cold
That my bloodied hands
Somewhere in the climb
Had faltered
Lost their grip
And let the rough stone
Slip
My hand suddenly clenching
Nothing
Just an empty fist
I didn't even feel the fall
The rushing wind
Nor even the impact
I didn't even know
Until I looked up at the sky
And it's pearly blue
With quickly fading sight
That I was dead

Just some ideas

Thought outside of the lines

And without the box

Ideas so dangerous

They comprise a crime

To think to be free

That your laws

Without my consent

Mean nothing to me

imprison for life

For thinking such things

But

A lonely cell

Just won’t hold

All of those

Dangerous ideas

I am bleeding words onto the floor
Spattered puddles
And random pools
In patterns that make no sense
None
At all
Because I have no cuts
No wounds that issue forth
It is simply nonsense
And nothing more
Because I have gone.....
Well, you know.

Electronic tears and pain
Via the telephone line
Depression and open wounds
Bleeding into a strangers listening ear
Pooling as it gathers
And drains into his brain
Telephonic transmission
Of a soul
That flies by wire
Just looking for another soul
To touch with