What can I say
I'm trying to send a message
A few words to portray
Exactly what's going on in my head
Things really aren't clear
I feel a bit dead
I don't know why I'm here
I need to get up, and get ahead
Outpace them all
Like I know I can
Scale the "impossible" wall
An became a woman
I know I'm strong
I know I'm intelligent
I admit when I'm wrong
(can't find a rhyme but you get the hint)
I'm a critical thinker
I see through the lines
But my mind's beginning to splinter
I'm not actually fine
The world's driving me mad
And I'm feeling homicidal
Then  stop feeling bad
For being suicidal
I don't like it here enough
To put up with ****
Lights out like *****
Don't think I tried well I did
Four times in one year
Guess I really wanna get out of here
I spilled one last tear
And knew death was near
First time I cut a tad too deep
Second time I took a little too much Paracetamol
Next I tried to hang myself, failed and felt like a creep
Then I thought a lot about jumping off of walls
Finally I overdosed
I was home alone
No one knows
It hurt a lot
My life flashed before my eyes
I knew I was going to die
Somehow I woke up alive
And now I'm here writing dumb ****...
And thinking about number five

When you see a boy
You feel fear
Nothing you enjoy
Right here
When you see a girl
You smile
You would give anything in the world
To be with her
Been that way for a while
When he touches you
You flinch away
When she touches you
You want to stay
When he holds your hand
The  air tingles tension and discomfort
When she holds your hand
It's like nothing before it
Listen girl
You don't like those guys
It doesn't feel the same
No matter how much you hide
The way your heart goes won't change
You like those girls
Well that girl
Listen girl, you're gay

It's a summer night
The start of July
There is no light
Apart the sky

Those brilliant stars
The only equal to your eyes
You're the reason for my scars
And why I'm alive

I'm scared of the men
Who try to slip in my bed
But I'm terrified of the monsters
Inside of my head

They whisper words
From the back of my mind
Memories that hurt
From times I can't find

I'm so close to my demons
I could give them all names
Try to justify my wrongs
By playing this game

No number of millions
Could fix my heart new
You're lost among the billions
I hope one day I'll find you

I think I hear your steps
But It's only my dysfunctional heart
That beats itself apart
Just at the thought of seeing you

No one else
Ever made me feel the same
As you left somewhere else
I whispered your name

Again my heart breaks
For the love that I lost
No gods or golden lakes
Could pay back the cost

I can't remember your name
You who I loved most
A soul one can't tame
A beautiful ghost

My heart is aching
It has been for a while
Now
I try to keep on a smile
How
Can I keep doing this
Everyday
It doesn't feel fair
That some of us are so sad
When others are happy without trying
That some people hurt so bad
And others are just fine
And how come it's me
Why do I get this everyday
When the boy next to me in maths
Never thinks bout depression anyway
I never asked for this
Or did I ?
Mum tells me to internalise
And that's probably wise
I want to be happy
And I do try
But when I'm so tired
There's comfort in the dark
In the gloom
The heavy heart
The pain
Then the numbness
Grandma tells me not to give up hope
I say yeah but deep down I'm not sure I can cope
I tell me to be strong
That I'm not the worst off
And I usually try to keep my hurt on the inside
But now and again it hurts too bad to hide

I gave you my heart
So you could keep it safe for me
I gave you my heart
And I thought I was setting myself free
I gave you my heart
As a hopeful and desperate plea
I gave you my heart
And you smashed it into a billion agonised parts
I gave you my soul
And you locked it in a golden cage
With a heart shaped lock
I gave you my soul
And you twisted it slowly
Into this putrid thing as cold as rock
I gave you my soul
You are an evil fire
And I was your coal
I gave you my everything
And you treated it all
Like it was never anything

I woke up this morning
With a lump in my throat
And a knot in my stomach
I'm feeling scared
I'm seeing shadows
Again
I'm wanting to let go and drown  
Life's going grey  
Looks like it's going to rain
Again
I'm letting myself down
Getting addicted to the pain
Again
I'm creeping back into the safe dark
Again
Burying myself in my own ashes
Again
Someone hurt me
Again
I hurt myself today
Again
What do you want me to say
In the end

- Charlie McMahon