poetry is my escape,
my getaway from reality

in poetry i lay my soul and
i write away my heart,
my pain,
my struggles
in an array of 26 letters

i lose myself in that written world
i escape into poetry

Why
Do i
Cause so much pain
To me
you see
i lose but never gain
Family
is supposed to be
family
but not to me
they're the ones who hurt me the most
even more
than i
ever could alone.
its easier to cry than it is to laugh.

its easier to say bye than it is to lend a hand

its easy to wonder why when you're the victim in the case
but when you're the suspect
its easier to be chased

whether you get caught depends on what you do

clean up,
dont waste time,
get in, get out, move.

sometimes the worst gets the better of me too

feels like i land on the sun every time i aim for the moon

and i end up burning to death feeling like the heat just grew.
if only i knew.
it would be this way.

i never
ever
would have saved

myself

that day,
those days
back then

back when
failure followed every attempt

to take myself away from this world.
one day i'll be where i was trying to go

one day i'll see nothing but darkness

one day i really will be all alone.

life just seems to only get harder

and whether i'll last long is something i just dont know.
my thoughts are running around and i keep telling them to stop

i yell and throw all my belongings around

i try to be normal i try not to exist

i try to be happy i dont want to be like this.

im ****** up in every way and no one can help.

i dont know how the **** im gonna make it by myself.

She's locked herself away,
Hidden from love's painful force;
She's convinced that if she's all alone,
She'll never end up with a broken heart or hurt.
❣
But her heart aches of loneliness,
To which there's only one cure;
But she promises she won't ever fall in love,
This she knows for sure.
❣
So in an empty room,
She cries behind a locked door;
She just wishes that love wasn't just pain,
She wishes it could be more.
❣
She doesn't know when she decided she was better off alone,
All she knows is that it's breaking her to her core;
She reasons that if she ends up needing someone and then they leave, She just won't have anything left to live for.
❣
So she sits huddled in the warmth of her lies,
They offer such comfort but she's choking on her words.
Why can't she find true love?
Maybe she just has a lesser worth.*

❥

Shh, mommy, I have a surprise.
How would you feel if I told you I was dead inside?
How would you feel?
Would it make you cry?
Would you apologize?
❣
Or would you let it slip to the back of your mind?
❣
How would you feel?
How would you feel about the cuts on my thighs?
How would you feel if I 'accidentally' died?
❣
How would you ******* feel?
❣
Would you be able to swallow your pride?
Be able to listen past your stubborn side?
Cause lately, I'm feeling pretty worthless, don't you know?
Oh yeah, that's right... Cause I don't want to worry you- I don't let it show.
❣
How would you feel though?
Would you believe me if I told you so?
Or would you just say I'm "crazy" and forget it all?
I am curious...
If your daughter killed herself, would you miss her at all?*

❥

I'm sorry.

"What?"

I'm sorry I left you,
Not because of me,
Not because of you.
Because I was selfish,
And I didn't listen.

I'm sorry I felt pressured,
Not because of me,
Not because of you.
Because of my friends,
And I chose them over you.

"No, no it's—"

I broke what was already broken!
I let you stumble down a path,
That we tried to climb together.
And we could've gone up together.

Then I made a turn,
And I didn't help you there.
You fell down and broke your bones.
All because of me.

"It's—"

Now I made us both shattered.
With the other parts that can't be found,
I made you this way,
I made myself this way.
This is where I brought you and I.

"I—"

I'm sorry.
I miss you.
I love you.

Do you ever get the feeling?
That you don’t want to live anymore
I felt that before
Before I break and gave up

a.v.

you told me you love me
you were my world
you knew me
but I don't know the real you
those secrets you've kept
kills me slowly

a.v.

we used to be friends
best of friends actually
but when you let insecurities get you
you became a poser and broke my trust