8/27/16

you flirt with me innocently through a receipt
my last night at here
and for the last three months i tried to justify the casual verbal and physical ****** harassment that was happening before me - to me
because he was easy on the eyes
and he dressed up ***** words to make them sound poetic and pretty
and anything but romantic
nobody had to ask why i was leaving because i didn't tell anyone except for the managers - all but one
the one who is known for this pattern of taking us naïve girls to the beer cooler in the back
to do anything but what was gentlemanly
and i ate up every single line like they were candy hearts
because he made my head blow up like a balloon
he's in there now
smiling like nothing's wrong
and when it's blatantly obvious that everything about what he does is so wrong - even illegal - that's what merits a "what's wrong"
and i don't know why i still love you
because you haven't once attempted any of the things you said you would
you've just pulled me so fearlessly close that i have to get as far away as possible because the "l" word scares me
and you would rather her than i
and you're caged up in the same home as someone you probably have to share a bed with even though you don't want to
you blame it all on the way your parents raised you
and the nightmare your mother had
meanwhile i would've cared for you relentlessly
and i do?

Yes I'm a waitress-

Which doesn't mean I'm dumb
People skills are declining in need
But still you all come

I'm here 40 hours a week
Clean the restaurant before I start
Some days I feel ok
Most days I've a broken heart

Even though I'm cracked inside
And my fake smile wants to frown
I'll give a night you'll never forget
Face painted like a clown

You have no idea
in your one hour break
Or your 30th birthday
Which I will make great

That just last night
I received bad news
But I have to work still
I don't get to choose

I'm dying inside
but you'd never guess
Smiling my head off
Though my hearts in a mess

So next time you come
and I'm not the best you've had
Just remember I'm human
And I'm losing my dad

Your tears will speak for you
while your loss dries up all words.

The spreading tearstains
on my shoulder
are eloquent enough.

Hi, you have reached the voicemail box of Syreena Phelps. I am either working, sleeping, or too depressed to answer the phone. Leave your name, number, and a reason for me to live, and I'll get back to you as soon as I am mentally able. Thanks!

To the person
whose fierce loyalty
brings comfort.

Whose embracing hug
turns my hurricanes
into a whiff of wind.

The person who's my emotional crutch
on the struggling of days.
And the life vest
when I am drowning in pain.

To the person whose vibrant of all hues,
the bliss in my blues.
The shelter from torrential rain
And escape from my aching pain.

The listener
of my stirring experiences
and muddled-darkened thoughts.

The one
Who's ear is made of patient-empathetic cells
And words of underlying calmness
that seeps deep into the depth of my bones
and soothes my soul.

With you
Best moments are
Exponentially happier;
Much more vivid and illuminated
Worst times made bearable
And Infinitely less nerve-wracking.

You are my go-to
at any point of day.
The Christina to my Meredith
And the star of my Starbucks visits.

I am grateful to be
deeply embedded in your heart
as you are in mine.
To be your sanctuary
As I am yours.

Sanctuary found
Support and recognition
Second family

he helped me untangle
the knots in my mind
just by being there.