Just because you can’t hear me doesn’t mean I’m not there.
Every moment is a waking nightmare
Of anxiety and all I see’s a dangerous path that leads to apathy.
Just because I’m still kicking and breathing and fighting
Doesn’t mean that I’m not struggling
Doesn’t mean that I’m not juggling every single task
With kicking, breathing, and fighting just to stay afloat.
Just to keep from drowning.
Just to keep from shaking and crying and breaking and dying and
Screaming out to the world

I am not okay!

And you know what that’s okay.
Because I don’t have to be okay every single day just to be able to say
Everything is fine.
Everything is not fine.
And when the world comes crashing down around you
And you feel like you’re about to burst because of all the emotions that you aren’t feeling
And when the world starts reeling and spinning under your feet
And you feel like you’re sinning because you don’t feel complete,
Take a moment

To breathe.

Because no matter what you believe
One day you will feel again
You’ll feel the sun on your face, a loved one’s embrace and then
You’ll finally feel
alive.

I swear I tried to keep these thoughts of you
From creeping in, but what was I to do?
Was I to **** the thoughts I can’t forget?
I’m sorry love, I can’t forget you yet.
I can’t forget the things you’ve done to me
And everything you’ve helped me learn to be.
And as you fill my thoughts and change my soul,
I start to feel a little bit more whole.
And when the clock strikes twelve, though I’m asleep,
And when I pray the Lord my soul to keep,
I swear I cannot curb these thoughts of mine
Which stray, and stray to you, but I don’t mind.
In waking hours, I feel as though I dream.
For thoughts of you are all sweet dreams to me.
And you should know I think of you always
And try as though I might, these feelings stay.

What’s going to happen to me?
When all is said and done
What will be my destiny
At the end of this long run
Can I control my future
Is fate to strong a force
What will I endure
And will I stay on course
If destiny is everything
What can I do to accept it
What will my distant future bring
And if I fight it will I forfeit?
I feel like my future’s beyond my control
But for now, let the dice of chance roll

What devils have we sold our souls to?
What mindless thing controls our actions as we walk around
Feigning ignorance
Uneducated and afraid to step out of line.
Why do I have to say the right thing all the time?
Why can’t I for once say that this country isn’t fine?
This world isn’t fine.
And still we allow it to waste away to nothing til even nothing will decay.
But no it’s all in our heads they whisper, laughing through their solemn nods;
But no how could it be real they say, knowing that despite the odds
And the proof against them we will believe because we want to.
The monsters can’t see us if we can’t see them.
This isn’t a stage where we wait in the wings and if we can see the audience they can see us and it’s all just a play
And it’s all just a farce.
Well I guess that’s true enough.
And how I wish I could laugh, but I am far too angry at the situation to be able to make light of the horrible plague that we are to ourselves.
If we respected anything perhaps we would survive, but alas we hate ourselves as much as we hate each other.
We are a species of suicidal tendencies
Killing each other and with each blow we **** ourselves.
We waste away to nothing til even nothing will decay.
But we smile and pretend to not smell the rotting flesh that is our own;
We feign ignorance because it’s all we have known.
People say I’m unpatriotic.
But how can I be proud of my country and its people
When even humanity itself offends me?
When even I myself
Offend me?

Having Depression is like finding out that mermaids are real
It doesn’t make sense to you until you’re getting dragged to the bottom of the ocean
And then you think
Oh
That’s what this is
And I’m drowning now,
That’s just……… great
And eventually, with your last vestiges of breath left
You float back to the surface
And you’re fine.
And that’s it.
Mermaids stop existing again.
Because you never actually saw what grabbed you
You only felt the claws around your leg
The cold, clammy hands tugging
With a force that you could never fight against
But you never saw her
So it was all a dream
Right?
And it happens again and again
You are drowning again and again
Until the water begins to feel like home
And the only thing reminding you that you are alive
Is the burning in your lungs
And when everything you had balanced so very carefully starts falling
Off the shelves of your life
When your “mild” depression starts deciding it wants to be more
When being alone makes you feel dead inside
And when losing your cool for one ******* second makes you contemplate your own demise
When do you admit to yourself that you are slipping
You are sinking and just because you can slow your descent
Does not mean that you’re not still drowning
And at the end of the day just because it took you longer to get there this time
Doesn’t mean you aren’t still lying on the ocean floor
Devoid of light and sound
And if you had just climbed onto that now distant boat and sailed away
You’d be fine.
But climbing was too hard
And sinking is so much easier
And you’re scared that if you reach out
Your hands will feel clammy and cold
As they wrap around your friends throats
And drag them down with you
And you would rather rot at the bottom of an endless sea
Than let that happen
So you lie in darkness and wait
For a sound
The singular resounding sound
Of failure
And you slowly float back to the surface
Take a deep breath
And you’re fine.
Because mermaids aren’t real
It’s all in your head

He looked at her as if she was the moon and he was the tides
Everything she did pulled him closer to her side
Her eyes twinkled like stars in the sky
For she is the moon and he’s just some guy
Some guy who will go to the ends of the earth
Some guy who’s been waiting for her since his birth
But just so you know, nothing is as it seems
For it is not men that live in her dreams

Lady Luna sing to me
As I lay ‘neath this cherry tree
As I lay here in darkest night
That hides your ever loving light
Oh, Lady Luna show your face
And let me feel your glow’s embrace
Let notes of song that you compose
Sing to me in my repose
As I lay underneath these boughs
Of green and fruitless, soft, white flow’rs
Please sing to me your sweet refrain
I’ll never be the same again

Sometimes words speak themselves
Sometimes hands move on their own
Sometimes, just sometimes, ideas leap to life
And they do it all alone

That’s the magic of a muse
When the world is colors and words
And not clouds and rainy days
But sunshine and happy little birds

And you sing write me write me
Well okay if you insist
But if you insist so vehemently
I must insist on this

Let me write you as I write you
Please, do not complain
For while muse may not come easy
Success is even harder to obtain

Not every word is perfect
In fact, most are not
But please do not begrudge me
It may be harder than you thought

To take your inspiration
And turn it into gold…
Don’t worry, I’ll be quiet now
And do as I am told

We’re finally okay
We fought and we struggled and we kept on and on and
We’re finally okay
And I’m sorry it’s hard for me to believe that you are gone but
We’re finally okay
And when everything is over and all is said and done and
We’re finally okay
That’s when I’ll finally rise. Brighter than the sun

Look out the window
What do you see?
Is it hurt? Is it pain?
Now, look back at me

I see a world
That’s shattered and torn
But through all that suffering
Joy is still born

There are lanterns and stories
And campfires at night
There’s cake pops and movies
That freeze you with fright

This world is so vast
And it’s filled with such joy
Like road trips and bumblebees
And a baby’s first toy

I know that it hurts
I know it so well
But I want you to hear
What I’m going to tell

This world is so worth it
Its oceans, its sky
The snowfall in winter
Blinding to the eye

And you know something more
Just one single thing
You’re worth every wonder
Each summer and spring

You deserve to see
Every glorious day
And if that isn’t worth it
What else can I say?

The demons come in darkest night
To take your soul away.
They keep your body locked up tight
And then they start to play.
The vampires dance, the monsters fight
The werewolves howl ‘til day,
And your soul is left in shiv’ring fright.
At least, that’s what they say.

When demons come in blackest moon
To steal you from your home.
It’s always best to lock your room
And stay at home alone.
Who knows what horrid creatures’ tomb
May come for you and your bones?
So, lock your door and pray for noon,
For night’s when monsters roam.

If demons come when moonlight beams
And you aren’t quite home yet,
Oh traveler, beware the screams;
It’s you they’ve come to get.
And pray that nothing’s as it seems
And that it’s still sunset.
For, when moon is out all horrid things
Walk freely, as they’re let.

What kind of room is it that keeps you locked away and never wishes for you to stray?
What kind of life is it where you begin to decay and as you live you waste away?
Why accept that fate of gruesome chance where when you fail the demons dance?
Why not disobey and live your life who cares if there’s hardship death and strife?
I choose to live in my own way and fight and laugh every single day.
And you can’t control what I do and who I love. For there is a greater power above.