Erika Castaldo

Erika Castaldo Dec 2015

Untitled

I watched you
Cover up scars
With bracelets
And cover
Bloodshot eyes
With sunglasses.

I took your
Razors and Alcohol
Trying
In vain
To protect you.

For a while
It worked.
You powered through
Pain and uncertainty
Until it all
Came rushing
Back.

You held on until May,
And for that
I am
Proud.

#hide #pain #alcohol #failure #scars #protect #razors #bloodshot #sunglasses #bracelets

Erika Castaldo Dec 2015

Sink or Swim

Why do you keep calling?
I don’t want your pity
I don’t want your help.
I’m just fine,
I can handle this by myself.

So what he left?
I don’t give a ****.
He can do whatever he wants,
Get over it.

Yeah, I’m upset,
But there’s more to me than him.
He isn’t in my life,
And I won’t sink, I’ll swim.

#life #alone #leave #breakup #sink #swim #moveon

Erika Castaldo Dec 2015

Tainted

She taints everything,
Your smile, your eyes.
Things that used to fill me with joy,
Now make me think of her.
I want you to be happy,
But this is becoming too much to bear.

Seeing her in your arms every day,
Watching as you push back her
Too-bleached hair and kiss
Her forehead the way you did mine.
Seeing you whisper small words
Of love in her ear, words
I can still hear so clearly in my own.

I miss everything about you.
Feeling your arms around my waist
And your soft lips on my cheek,
Keeping me in your lap for what
Felt like forever.

But forever is nothing but
Something we made up
In our foolish minds,
Clouded with the idea of young love.

When I look at you, I see the
Hundreds of smiles she’s put on
Your face when all I could was a scowl.
I hear the words of love she gives you,
When all I could do was curse.

But she doesn’t know how you felt
The day your mother died.
She’s never sat next to you
While you were in a hospital bed
Covered in tubes and wires after
An accident that only you survived.
She wasn’t the one comforting you
Every night when you woke up screaming.

Your relationship with her is easy,
You can just be together without
The stress that we had.

I don’t regret helping you through that,
I just wish I had thought to help us in the process.

An older poem that I rewrote

#death #alone #happiness #accident #regrets #younglove #tainted

Erika Castaldo Dec 2015

Fire

I am fire,
Glowing, Blazing, Growing.
You are water
destroying me, drowning me.
He is wind,
Helping Me Grow, Pushing You Away.

I am fine,
Living, Moving, Learning.
You are nothing,
nothing to me, nothing for me.
He is mine,
Supporting Me, Loving Me.

I am happy,
My Life Full of Love, Success.
You are gone,
never even a thought until now.
He is with me,
By My Side, Holding Me Up.

I am fire,
Glowing, Blazing, Growing.

#fire #on #growing #wind #growth #fine #moving #glowing #blazing #destroying

Erika Castaldo Dec 2015

Untitled

I sat in the back of the classroom,
staring at him flirting with the new girl,
Shameless, Absolutely Shameless.

I understood how she felt,
Utterly infatuated by this boy,
Naïve, Helplessly Naïve.

She didn’t know what he did to me,
The way he took advantage of me in the park,
Oblivious, Incredibly Oblivious.

He stood there smirking, popping his gum,
Waiting to use her for his own pleasure,
Sadistic *******.

I couldn’t help her, I couldn’t even help her,
When I tried to help myself I was laughed at,
Whispers in the hallway, ***** looks, suspension.

Please don’t hurt her the way you did me,
Please.

#alone #hurt #**** #naive #flirting #rumors #shameless #rude #classroom

Dec 2015

sol

Nebulous

i think i see you staring at me,
  But then i turn my head and it is just a trick of the light.
The luminescent bulbs reflect off the white walls, and i wince when i hear you speak.
     A butterfly settles on my cheek.

i thought i saw you standing in the corner of my room,
  watching me sleep as my chest rises and falls with the thought that i will wake up next to you.
     But it is only a ghost i had created in order to replace you.

i hoped i would find you in my dreams.
  i did, but you were not dreaming of me.
And they say that when you dream about someone it's because they fell asleep thinking of you.
  i highly doubt that is true,
     And i don't dream during the night, much less about you.

i wish you would talk to me.
  A half of my life says that i can't trust you, because they are afraid that you will hurt me.
And the other portion of my life tells me to take chances now,
  or i won't have stories to tell to my children, or my children's children.

And if i can't reach you then i know that i am nothing more than a fragment of a broken star that is not part of your constellations.
     Because i am too far away for you to see or care about.

And I hope that someday i will be part of someone's world.
Close enough to see so they miss me when i am gone.
But if that never happens then i will fade out rather than burn away.
     Having nothing to give, i will leave no trace.

experimenting. let me know if there are any mistakes, i'll correct them

#dreams #ghost #stars #space #constellations #fragments #nebulous

Erika Castaldo Dec 2015

Distractions

Did she offend you?
Baring her shoulders, her collarbones, her knees,
How risqué of her.
Dressed for comfort in the 90 degree weather,
She was asking for it, right?

Did you not break her?
Make her scared to wear what she wants or walk alone.
But she deserved that, didn't she?

Are you sorry for hurting her?
After you used her, she tried to **** herself three times,
All because you couldn't control yourself.
Was her body so distracting that you took away
Her whole life?

#suicide #life #death #ruined #worthit #offend #objectified