i've hated everybody
since polaroids of fake friends and birthdays
decorated the inside of my locker door
ever since i'd empty the medicine drawer
take too many pills, then take more
and be found on my bathroom floor
-
i've loved every person i've ever met
since my wide eyes eyed every girl as a king's bride
ever since my wide mind contemplated your  two iride sunshines
i'd gaze and stare into them until i went blind
and i could've looked into those eyes until the day i died, if i tried
you gave me bright butterflies, like a white river at sunrise
you were the rapid current, and i made sure to capsize

with wide, bright eyes
i'd go wonderblind, every time
obsessed with the gift of your iride skies
even when i cried, even when i tried my best not to lie
you opened your eyes, basking my skies with your iride sunshine
ever since polaroids of shy walks home
and safely locked medicine drawers
you always saved me
under the guise
of iride butterflies~

In that time
When we were whole
When all we could think about
Was each other

And my soul was clean

We spent time
Learning the riddles
In each others skin
Painting with lightening
And ice
Words like brushes
Arcing across dimensions
All circling about our hearts
A wind in the weaves of fate
Whispering a gift to us
Like we had never known

In the morning
Before work some days past
You came out from about
A wooden corner
You seemed to have a billion eyes
And they all smiled at me
Like the calm luster
Of the moon

"I'm late" you said
And I got half way through
The stupid " you don't work toda...."
When my soul slapped my brain
Across the face with such raw ferocity
That I was worried the neighbors
Would call the police

Stammering like a drunken lunatic
I went to her and embraced the
Glow of her, the energy piercing us
Coiling about in infinite design

Just this once did I ever know peace

We talked about everything
My body went to work
My mind dreamt and my soul...
Well it danced. We brought life
to our parents eyes
and hope to ours.


It was just a few weeks in
And that same wooden corner
And that same beautiful woman
But there was fear
So much fear
A red red fear
And the world turned grey

Her words were like ashes to me
Cast over my frozen body
I stood blank
holding her heaving form

"It doesn't want to stay" she said
"Why doesn't it wan't to stay ?"

I wanted to say something
Anything!!
But I died right there
Still breathing
Holding her in Pompei comfort.
Like a little wooden man
Holding a plastic flower
Begging to forget the answer
To whether or not
God gave a ****.

Art
is a way
of survival.

It repairs the heart.

I didn’t leave you

I didn’t run .

Even when every one told me to,

I stayed

to  patch your heart

the same way they used to repair broken pottery

with golden dust.



I didn’t leave you

I didn’t run .

But I gave you my love

and everything I had

even when i knew

that we were falling apart.



And now,

I can’t fix you anymore

with golden ink or deep kisses

And how am I supposed to draw you

when I don’t even remember

what I used to feel for you.



Is it my fault if you left me

Or your fault if I left you ?

But we will never found out my love

Because you left me too soon.

Or was it me who did ?

I left you behind.
I had too,
the pain was crushing me.
I couldn't breath anymore.

I could see naught
but the spectrum of iron and ash.

It struck me so profoundly,
As if I had seen the impossible lines
In gods ancient hands.
A resonating slap across the soul.

I could not be you anymore.
But I left you her picture,
a beautiful, broken path
and I crawled away.

I cried everyday.
At first in every regard,
and then mostly inward.
I became as a black veil
as the cathedral I build to her
slowly melted away
in the acids of anger and pain.

Around the ruin
I dug a mote
and I filled it with sarcastic regret
and I set it ablaze with volcanic irony
the hate of how I was.

I built a Castle from my own remains,
a dread and lifeless thing.
Stone by stone,
Quarried from the shell
of what I thought love would be
Each splashed with a crimson
"never again" and set soundly
against all who would come calling.

I have lived here ever since.
Walls lined with exquisite paintings.
Markers of siege I withstood
each a beautiful face, lost but never forgotten.

Everyday I sit at a simple table
covered in the jigsaw mess of it,
a broken song I wish to sing
but I am missing so many pieces
and I left the box with you.

Every ****** night
before I go to bed
I look in the silver reflection
beset by patina and time
and I peer back at the familiar
seventeen year old boy there
who has yet to fall in love with her,
to be wrapped in the glory
of her soul
and I tell the dreams in his eyes
the very essence of him
the wayward pieces of me
I am sorry, I am so very sorry,

But I had to leave you behind.