The solo road takes hold. I don't know where it goes, but where it goes I go.
A midnight’s drive under a sky full of clouds, blocking the moonlight.
Only the glimpse of a shimmering star guides my way, but to what I do not know.
A night of indifference, just going where this winding road takes me, but
I can barely see that shining star through clouds of hesitation.
The road is a one lane highway to a destination unknown
the fog is so dense it is like a layer of blankets used to hide the fears of a child in the dark.
At this point I wonder if it can hide my fears as well.
Do I even want to hide from these fears at all or should I stand up to the inevitable?
My engine’s sputtering, stalling, my car’s running out of gas and I feel like I just might crash.
I put my foot to the gas and hope that I wont fly through the glass and end up with my car smashed, because this car is my only way off this **** road in the first place.
I see no headlights coming my way even though I pray that one day I will see a light at the end of this godforsaken road but the day isn't today.
Some days I pray that I will lay on the road face down
with a trail of my essence turning the road red with release
but other days I carry on like it was my job to mindlessly keep both of my hands on the steering wheel and hope that at the end of this road, there’s an exit sign,
and that all I need’s a little more time.
Because night after night, my hands grip the wheel so hard my knuckles turn white as the fog that clouds my vision day after day.
My sighs echo down this ever growing street, every twist and turn feels like another reason
to unbuckle my seatbelt and open the door because
I’m going 85 in a 50 and I can’t even see my own headlights on the road
my vision is blurred and my mind is as foggy as the road I drive on.
Every now and again I wonder what the point is
I can barely remember the day I started driving, it was so long ago
and I pray for the day when I can wash this fog away in rain,
that I’ll find an exit and take it.

“I want my ears to be your journal.”
“I’d rather you cut my wrist than yours.”
“Your wrists are beautiful; don’t add another scar to them.”
I sat on the edge of your couch
playing “Chasing Cars”
and I look over to see you tearing up.
I don’t know how to explain
the connection that I feel to you.
I’ve known you for a few months
but it feels like a lifetime,
and yet so much of you remains undiscovered.
I want to discover you
discover your body
discover your heart
discover your soul
piece by piece,
your personality is an enigma,
a mystery,
one that I’d love to unravel-
but never all the way
because hey,
what’s the fun in that, right?
“Any time you want this, I’m game.”
“Sit back, relax. This is about you.”
“Your body is a temple;
I’m focusing on making my way towards the treasure.”
I’m so used to jumping in
doing everything at once
figuring out where we go from there
but the moment I mentioned that you said,
“**** that.”
Slow,
sweet,
sensational,
kind, loving, caring, gentle-
not rough, not hard, not *****,
just us.
Just looking and seeing a person
you love so **** much
that you trust so completely,
“I felt comfortable.
Comfortable being with you,
comfortable being me.”
“I love everything about you.
Even the hard spots on your fingers,
the calluses from playing guitar
because it’s another thing that connects us.”
I explain to you that in my mind,
*** means love,
and that’s why I’m coming on so strong
but later on
Hands trailing over scarred skin
and a smile that says, “I’m here for you,”
a pair of lips that whispers,
“I’ll never leave you”,
the push and pull of your calloused fingertips
on my hips,
your breath in my ear,
my hands running along the curves of your back
I am in love with you.
I would say I have loved you to the point of madness
but that would be an understatement.
I have lost myself in your gaze,
gasped at your soft touch and
I have loved you beyond madness-
in a good way.
Let’s lay here in eachothers’ arms
outside at midnight
and listen to Shinedown
as the moon shines down
accentuating the labyrinth of smoke
around us,
let's chase cars around our heads,
let’s forget the world for one night.

Recede into the music, each stride in sync with the beat of the bass and vocals change and alter the mood. I never think when I walk. I am automatic. I walk like an automaton automatic split second corrections to simple problems. I am never free, I can’t be derailed. My feet move on their own like a pre-programmed line of command telling me to take a left, a right, a left, a right. My head bobs to the beat but my vision is so tunneled I only see if I’m about to run into something. That’s all the code will let me do. Slight adjustments, never straying from the path, like I’m on rails, and the code never fails. I don’t use this time to think. I don’t use this time at all. This time is a blur. I can’t remember it at all. Everyday is the same, day one to day three hundred sixty five. I am a slave to the routine of daily life... if you can call that life.

words on paper meanings truly expressed acceptance is never clear. love is just a word its meaning must be proven. when love is blind it is flawed. to not see the flaws is to mock someones being. it is better to recognize the good and the bad and learn to love the bad till it becomes good. i love everyone of your flaws because i am flawed. we both feel broken from time to time, so lets fix each other. I’ve got a few parts of a soul, you have a few pieces of a heart. lets make each other whole.

i feel like **** and ******* do i love it. i drag my self from room to room, my eyes focused on the clocks tock. i don’t hear a knock on the door my feet drag on the floor. my head lays on the desk and thats when i feel my second best. I hull myself to the driver side door wishing i could just throw it in reverse and slam my foot to the floor. but not before i see you come around the corner. i throw up ******* to signal to you that i see you. i just sit and smile for a while till you come around the passenger side door, throw your backpack in the back. were both so tired but when we look into each others eyes there is a shock a spark like art when paint connects with canvas and a masterpiece is made, when your falling in a dream and just before you hit the ground you wake up our bodies are sent a sudden pulse of energy. it truly isn’t enough to describe when happens in my brain the thousands of chemicals responsible for these emotions i can’t name them all. call me a ****** because i am addicted to the high i get when looking in your eyes. i feel Dimethyltryptamine because when i with you i real life seems like a dream. my Dopamine levels are off the chart i can’t control this smile. my Serotonin levels are uncertain because when i look into those eyes i forget the world my movements are awkward and automatic, but while my hands are shaking i am calm in your presence.

Rise from smoldering ashes, bring forth new life in a outward burst of flame, and holy cleansing fire. Like the phoenix, I have been given another chance to live again; You to can rise from the ashes of a world that is too clouded to see, take my hand, and begin to fade until there is only an ember glowing among ash, and erupt into a fiery flash blinding all who witness becoming a new you rekindling the flame of life, and beginning again. You have done to me what I cannot thank you enough for. You have given me a reason to rise from these ashes, I will in turn give you a reason to rise from your own ashes, or I will burn out with you.