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3.7k · Oct 2014
Bulimia nervosa
Ellie Shelley Oct 2014
Believe me its easier this way
Useless, thats what I am
Lies pour out of my mouth
I’m sorry you got dragged into this
My knuckles are red and scared for a reason
I love you
And I’m sorry

Bet you
Everyone
Loves seeing me
Like this
Am I right?
3.2k · Dec 2014
Untitled
Ellie Shelley Dec 2014
I didn't know it was possible to get your heart broken this fast.
I haven't had my first date with him yet.
I'm slowly withering away.
I don't know why
I love him
2.9k · Feb 2015
cuss words
Ellie Shelley Feb 2015
You see
Your cuss words no longer have an effect on me
You can call me a *****
A *****
A two faced ****
A **** up
And I will smile and say thank you
Because if you really wanna hit me hard
Tell me I won’t get a full ride to my dream college
The only ride I’ll get will be with you later that night
If you wanna get a rise out of me
Tell me my poetry will fall on deaf ears
That all of these cheers are false hope
Tell me my cousin will grow up with an eating disorder
And won’t trust me enough to help her
Tell me my cats will run away from me
Tell me the only way I will get nice clothes is by stealing
Tell me I will never be able to pay everyone back
If you want to hit me hard
Tell me I will be a terrible mother
Tell me my children will fail out of school
Tell me their father will leave and never pay a dime of child support
If you want to get me good
Use your tongue like a razor
And cut deep
Find meaning in your words
and hit me harder
Because your cuss words no longer have meaning
Ellie Shelley Dec 2014
You there 
Yes you 
You sit there so quiet 
Pretty blonde hair, green eyes 
You play with dolls you don't notice peoples size 
You see beauty and that's all 
You there 
Yes you 
You sit there so quiet 
Pretty dark blond hair, green eyes
You cry in front of the mirror because someone told you someone told you to hate your size
You see ugly and that's all
But wait  
You there 
Yes you 
Pretty red hair, green eyes 
You stay so quiet
You sit in the bathroom 
You play with razors because someone told you someone told you to hate yourself 
You see red and that's all
But wait 
You there 
Yes you pretty black hair, green eyes 
You still sit in silence 
You play in the bathroom 
You won't keep anything down
They taught you to keep up the hate
Hate yourself 
But wait 
You there 
Yes you 
Faded blonde hair, dull green eyes 
You will lay there screaming, *with no one hearing *
All you are is an empty shell 
They taught you hate and *now it's too much *
You'll lay in the hospital 
But It’s still to much
But wait
You there
Yes you
Hair freshly dyed blonde 
Eyes shut so tight
Ribbons over freshly cut wrists
Best dress on, white stained with red at the hips
You lay so quiet 
*Whispering your final goodnight
1.9k · Nov 2016
My rhyming poem
Ellie Shelley Nov 2016
Everyone wants to hear a poem that rhymes from the girl who rhymes
But I’ve got no rhythm tip toe around the precision of other writers  
I get lost easily in the waves of patterns and structure
Rupture my skin in the process
Destroying words and phrases in the mess of my skin and blood
Dragging myself through the mud I am a jumble of words that don’t even fit together in sentences
My types of fetish’s aren’t feet or latex, but poetry
Supposedly everyone can rhyme but
My fingers can find the time from the space between pen and paper
Maybe if i cover my room in wallpaper made from failed poems
I’ll finally get there
Rip out all my hair
I’ve never successfully written rhyme worth sharing
I’ve been in this despairing state for a while
Ran miles on my tongue  
Wrung myself dry from all my creativity
Found I have a bigotry towards everything I write

Everyone wants to hear a poem that rhymes from the girls who rhymes
I ask for an example
Sample sounds on paper
Ending up with ample amounts of couplets
But its never enough, its always going to fall short
Someone needs to take me to court I’m copying the sound of other writers
Profound thoughts never said eloquently enough
It’s rough to be a writer that doesn’t know how to write
But I’ve never been the type to give up
Cover up all my failed attempts at rhyming with free-verse
Curse me, Or even worse
Coerce me into thinking I know what I’m doing
Because whats worse than blissful ignorance
Hand my a fistful of advice and set me free
But I’ll never be the girl who rhymes rhymes
My fingers will never find the time lost between pen and paper

Everyone wants to hear a poem that rhymes from the girl who rhymes
Sometimes they nearly get their wish
But all dreams parish in jumbles of words in phrases
Blaze through whole journals trying to write two poems
Crumbling my own thoughts in my too fast thought process

Everyone wants to hear a poem that rhymes from the girls who rhymes
I still with pencil and paper
Set out on this caper
With a website that gives me words that rhyme
I’ve decided to let people get their fix
Try my hand at rhymes
Take my time
And slow down my too fast thought process
Soak up all my creativity
A rid my mind of every bigotry I ever had
Because the girl who rhymes
Will always be the girl who rhymes
My real name is Ellie Shelley and I can't rhyme
1.9k · Jan 2015
Rape joke
Ellie Shelley Jan 2015
Insert tasteless **** joke here*
I stand still listening to the clicking trigger of your words
As the bullet shooting from your mouth hits a still new wound
And even though this all past just over a year ago
Every time my battle scars from this ongoing war start to heal
A new obstacle must be conquered, and new wounds form
What you did to me was repeated
not once
not twice
Four more times
****
******
and Child *******
All used to just be words
Officers
Judges
And district attorneys
Were once all just people
Your **** joke may be funny to you
But think of the people who really lived through it
The *** end of your **** joke
The boys and girls standing
Hiding behind the façade of petty laughter
1.6k · Nov 2016
Rant @ ex best friend
Ellie Shelley Nov 2016
You were never strong
Even in those moments when I thought you were, you are not, have not will never be strong
You let the victim card define you
And while you survived many things
thats all you did
You never over came
You were never the gold you sang you were
at most you were a gold covered chocolate coin
Gross on the inside
Covered with false light
You just turned 18
You can't play the victim card to get out of jail
You can't play it to get out of court
And no matter how loud you sing
The stench of the drugs and alcohol in your system will always be louder
You said you were proud of yourself
Not like your father
Or your brother
Oh but yes you were
Ever bottle to your lips was
There are days I wish I never would have met you
Never would have tasted the sin you subjected me to
Wish I would have retained my innocence  
But now I look at gold covered candies
And thinks of your sin
Ellie Shelley Oct 2014
Smoke hanging in the air
The feeling of falling is not fair
Lisping out my empty thoughts
In the form of shots
Poured out one after another
Drunk off of you
I’m intoxicated by your presence
But your love is not present
I once thought I was falling for you
But I was just falling for your lies
I was in love with those eyes
But they were just a disguise
Hiding the real you
You’re the masked bandit
Covered with lies, but all I want is truth
I want to know the real you
I want to really love you
Feeling this mutual feeling
With no mutual ground
My razor kissing my skin
Instead of your lips
I never thought falling in love
Would mean falling out
I never thought kisses
would turn into stitches
I guess thats what happens when
You get love drunk
I mean
It is what it is
1.5k · Oct 2014
Anarchy
Ellie Shelley Oct 2014
You and me
It’s pure anarchy
Holding hands
Is like flipping chairs
Our kissing
Breaks down buildings
Our love
Sends people screaming
Our destruction
Is a perfect love
You and me
It’s pure anarchy
Ellie Shelley Jan 2015
You made me fear myself
You made me do things I would have never wanted to do
I told everyone so I could get a bit of relief from them think I was so cool
But it only made me want to cry for myself even more
I didn't know how bad this was till the cops showed up at my door with your name lingering on their tongues
Tainting the room with the essences of my fear mixed with my infatuation
It made a bittersweet fog for me to fumble through, a bittersweet unknowing fog
I didn't know how bad this was till they made me take my shirt and pants off to show them bruises in the shape of you
When they took off my ribbons stained with an ink held in vein
Showing your name, more permanent than a tattoo
The scars still haunt me, making me flinch every time I change
I didn't realize what this fear could do to me
Slowly letting the cops drag bits and pieces of you from me
The pieces that I held close to my heart
The pieces that had left tears and wounds on me
Not quite able to see what you, my fear of you had done
I was barely able to see how big of a mistake I made for you
I did all of this out of my fear of you
My fear making me think I loved you
Fear did this to me
Oh fear, it drives me
It drove me to this
My fear of you
It drove me to this
You drove me to this
Or maybe I feared not you, but no you
Oh the fear I have of you, Its so terrifying
terrifying myself that at my youngest of thirty, or at my oldest forty five
You'll come and get me
Get me and not let me go
I smell you surrounding me
The first three months it comforted me
Now it sends me into a panic
I can feel you slowly pulling away my innocence
So slow and thrilling at first
Harsh and cruel as it goes
Slowly realizing there is no more to pull away
No more innocence
Only raw ***** skin
***** skin, so fragile, it could tear away any moment
The pain you give me
Now received by your claws ripping down drawing blood I've never spoken of
Your teeth leaving scars only seen by me
Time like that left untold, they built a dam of stories
It has leaks and holes, threatening to break open
It has me threatening to tell about the three days in November when you did more to me than I ever wanted
You ignored my whimpers and pleads of no
You pushed me, Making me yours
Making me your two cent *****
I still fear waking in your house wanting to leave but my fear keeping me rooted to the spot
Your touch making me a puppet for your use
A rag doll for your pleasure
Fear is such a simple word but the way it drives us is a complicated *******
A ******* that won't let us out of this metaphorical car
How was my fear able to shape me into this whimpering being afraid of the dark
Afraid of my monster
Afraid of my monster that made me a woman before I was even ready to be a girl
I have an immense fear of you
Fear that I will never be able to shake you
That you will always be around that corner ready to get me
My fear drives my more recklessly than an alcoholic at happy hour
It drives me to think that I was the one who did wrong
It drives me to dark places
Places where my fear pushes
Pushes me to my inevitable demise
My demise sending me down to hell
Sending me to have an eternity with you taunting me
You have shaped me into something no one should ever have to be
I throw myself into trying to forget you only to receive more shame
The shame of waking up tangled in sheets not able to find my shoes
You created me
I am afraid of a two headed monster
This monster is you and the me you created
I fear you
I fear no you
I fear having you
There is no balance to my insanity for you
The insanity you inspired
I am being driven by a simple emotion, turned oh so complicated
I am being driven and I can’t get out of this metaphorical car
I can’t get you out of my head
Ellie Shelley Jan 2016
Don’t become infatuated
Don’t fall in love
Especially not with poets
Because they only ever exist in their words
They will write you love poems, and lengthy paragraphs
With words said in ways you have never heard before
You will fall in love, with love poems, the way they say their vowels, and the look in their eyes when they read to you  
They will lull you to sleep with sticky sweet words
And they will speak of the colour yellow, in a new light
A new meaning will come to its definition
And it will slowly become your favorite colour
You will wear yellow dresses, and put daisies in every room  
You will see the speckles of yellow in their brown eyes
But you will find them at three in the morning sitting in the bath tub, bathing in the words of metaphors
You will find them having an affair with Stanzas and Verses at the same time, sleeping with sonnets
You will see that poetry was always their mistress
At night they will no longer share blankets with you, but they will wrap themselves in ballads and couplets
You will only be able to express this new distance with eulogies
You will start seeing yellow everywhere
In the beds of your nails, and them hems of your skirts
Till you start seeing it so often that you will want to puke up every word they have ever said to you
You will realize that talk is cheap and Rhymes are easy
You will realize that poets only ever exist in their words

Wait I.. I take that back
Fall in love with oddly pronounced vowels, love poems, lengthy paragraphs, and sparking eyes
Wear yellow dresses again
Pick a bouquet of daisies
Fall in love with 2 a.m. again
But not with just anyones 2 a.m.
Fall in love with yours
Get swept up in the arms of personification
Drink sticky sweet words, get drunk off yourself
Have a love affair with stanzas
Kiss verses on the lip
Wrap up your wounded parts with haikus
Become infatuated with metaphors
Whisper sweet nothings to yourself
Fill your nights with praise poems
And love songs
Tear up every eulogy you have ever written
Knit yourself a blanket from all the unfinished poems, all your couplets
Sing ballads to yourself
And write sonnets in the moonlight
Fall in love with rich words and complex rhymes
Don’t worry about falling out of love this time
This is two combined poems, the first one is one I've already put on here. I'm using this for an audition to try to get on my schools poetry team. LTAB (Louder Than A Bomb)
Ellie Shelley Nov 2016
Look at yourself in the mirror tell yourself this is not your fault
Repeat this step till it is not a lie
2. Gather everything that reminds you of them
Put it in a box, stare at it till it is meaningless
3. Put the box on the curb
1. This is not your fault
4. Delete all pictures of them off your phone, out of your mind, they are just taking up memory
5. You have to erase them from your social media, every picture, every tag, post, indirect, tweet, poke, tbh, every re-post, every message
6. Write every word they have ever spoken to you
7. Burn it
6. Write every lie they have ever screamed at you
7. You have to burn it
1. Look at yourself in the mirror, tell yourself this is not your fault
This cannot be your fault
1. This is not your fault
8. Wear your favorite yellow dress, the one you never felt comfortable enough to wear around them
Sing your favorite song louder than they would ever let you
9  Listen to the sad songs, Adel on repeat, Taylor Swift, every sad song you can think of
You need to cry out the toxicity
10  Fill the gaps in your life with friends, all the people you could never hang out with
Pick up a new hobby, learn how to hem al the pants you have
11  Realize you never loved them, just the idea of them
12  Understand that looking through rose coloured glass red flags don’t look like red flags
1  This has never been you’re fault
You’re starting to realize this has never been your fault
13  Shave off all of your hair

Okay maybe not that extreme but cute your hair short, dye it black, electric blue
Do this for yourself something you’ve always wanted to do
Wear this as a proud sign saying “I’m over you”
0  Realize you’ve found closure
Understanding what happened was half of it
Know that your mind and your body are in the last stages of healing
You’re healing
You have found closure
1.3k · Sep 2015
Aurora Gray Darling
Ellie Shelley Sep 2015
Aurora Grey Darling

He left bruises more beautiful and detailed than any artist ever could paint, detailed lines and swirls,
Blotches, patches and scratches
Marring the pail canvas of my skin
I had my own collection of northern-lights from where he pressed to ******* delicate skin
Skin tears and dried blood on clothes
Everything was grey when he wasn’t around
Light dim everything an old movie
But when when he was there he light everything up
I was color blind and he brought color back
But he was two faced
Bringing color to my sight, but ******* it from my eyes
I was grey
But he still called me darling
My body was a piece of abstract art, for everyone to gawk at
He was the artist who created me
He signed me AGD
I was a tattered Gray canvas with the Aurora borealis painted on my skin
Yet he still called me his little Darling
I guess he truly listened to William Faulkner
“You must **** your Darlings”
I updated this, and I turned it in as a writing assignment in my WW class.
1.2k · Oct 2014
Stop
Ellie Shelley Oct 2014
I'm falling in love with someone I've never been able to touch.
1.2k · Jan 2015
I finally got the letter
Ellie Shelley Jan 2015
and he's only serving 283 months
For ****** one girl they know of
Five truthfully
And more than once for all
Sodomizing at least four
Over twenty truth fully
and he's not getting charged
For breaking my heart
He said he would marry me
He said he would carry me when I fell
He said I wall the bell of the ball
But now he wasnt here to see me fall
And he will never carry me
1.2k · Jan 2015
rape joke
Ellie Shelley Jan 2015
I stand still listening to the clicking trigger of your words
As the bullet shooting from your mouth hits a still new wound
And even though this all past just over a year ago
Every time my battle scars from this ongoing war start to heal
A new obstacle must be conquered, and new wounds form
What you did to me was repeated
not once
not twice
Four more times
****
******
and Child *******
All used to just be words to me
Officers
Judges
And district attorneys
Were once all just people
Your **** joke may be funny to you
But think of the people who really lived through it
Ellie Shelley Dec 2014
~She will fall so hard you will need to pick her up
~She will take in every word you say and turn it into a weapon of self destruction
~She will write novels about the little things you do
~Every kiss with her will last to the count of infinity
~She will need you at two a.m. to stitch her battle wounds
~You will have to take on the job of being a safety net to catch her when she slips
~She will beg you to part the clouds so she can dance it the sunlight with you
~She will fight you till the end of time for trying to say she is beautiful
     ~She will never just take your compliments
~She will lie and say she's okay when there is a war in her head
**~She will love you more than she can love herself
1.1k · Oct 2014
Smoking words
Ellie Shelley Oct 2014
Let these words
Slip of my tongue
And hang in the air
Like smoke
Let them
Become something you crave
More than the nicotine
That poisons your body
Make them your addictions
That thing you need at two in the morning
The thing you can't stop thinking about
Let these words off my tongue
Hanging in the air
Breath them in
Let them take over your body
Get your high
Off my words
Let my tongue be your addiction
1.1k · Nov 2016
Stagnant Water
Ellie Shelley Nov 2016
Water that stands still becomes a poisonous petri dish of parasites
No one willingly drinks it
No one, not even dogs can survive on it

You told me people were changing
Tried to make me promise not to change
I didn’t think anything of it
I’ve always been a creature of habit
But I didn’t realize every still frame you took of us was turning us too still -
Stagnent

Every Creek runs a stream
Every stream runs a river
And water is always traced back to the oceans
The oceans
They support millions if not billions of creatures
Millions of different sources creating a big beautiful constantly moving changing habitat
Every part working together
And while parts of the ocean get terribly still
There is always a storm
Wave crashing destroying beautiful things
Only to be rebuilt in an even more fantastic way

Now don’t get me wrong stagnant water supports life
Like disease carrying bugs
And the bacteria that can give you malaria
Stagnation can take over whole creeks, streams, even ponds
Destroying whole ecosystems
Letting things rot

You said that I have started to change
Tried to make me think I was doing the wrong thing
When I put myself and my family first
When I kept running
You kept yelling
“WE HAVE TO STAND STILL”
Your toxicity can no longer touch me
I’ve found the ocean
An amazing ecosystem working together supporting life
Moving together and separately
Supporting growth

While your stagnant puddles are evaporating from the sunlight,    
The bugs keep crawling on you

But your disease can no longer touch me
Parasites can no longer reach me
I’m running and flowing
moving and growing through this ocean
And you stay still
In your still frame stagnant puddle
1.1k · Sep 2015
Father and Dad don't rhyme
Ellie Shelley Sep 2015
I've been trying to make father and dad rhyme
But dad has the essence of holding and never letting go
and father is some one who writes you letters after years of no speaking
Dad is some one who held you when you scraped you knee
And father is someone you only remember seeing once, and it was very cold that day
Dad is some one you talk to
and Father only wrote you one letter and you are 16
Dad is someone who you fight with, but you love him
and father is someone you will never know
Maybe its best that I can't rhyme sentiment and hopelessness
*Present and absent will never coincide with each other
Because my dad is not an antonym
And my father will never be a simile
"I've been trying to make father and dad rhyme" is not my line I heard it in starving artists
1.0k · Feb 2015
Realize
Ellie Shelley Feb 2015
Wake up
Put on your face
so you can pretend your demons
Don’t chase you
Realize you don’t love yourself
Go to the kitchen
See all the pills you have to take
to stop the shaking
to stop the voices
to stop the depression
Realize all you are is a mix of pills
Make breakfast and listen to your dad call you fat
As he walks away your confidence with your untouched breakfast
Realize you don’t love yourself
Take your pills
With a glass of water
and a shot of whiskey
Realize all you are is a mix of pills
Go to bed
Dream its okay
Wake up
Realize you don’t love yourself
1.0k · Oct 2014
FuckYou
Ellie Shelley Oct 2014
God your beauty pains me so much
I just want to hold you
Wrap my arms around you and put my head on your chest
I want you to hug me tight and put your chin on the top of my head
1.0k · Oct 2014
*He was almost twenty*
Ellie Shelley Oct 2014
The word “****”
Is something kids should never have to learn
You should never have to know what is means
To be pushed down and have them forced upon you
Its nothing youth should know
Its nothing kids should know
Its nothing anyone should know
Its just a four letter word
Turned into a world of horror
Where the word “*****”
Gets thrown around at the wrong times
How did I ever bring this hell upon myself
When the clothes I was wearing were baggy
The shirt I had was collard
My pants were long, no holes
How did I scream out
“Take my innocence
Its okay I’m thirteen today”
Because I didn’t,
And if I do recall
I said the word “no”
So how does that give you the right to say
“Oh boys will be boys”
*He was no boy
He was almost twenty
1.0k · Dec 2014
Pray
Ellie Shelley Dec 2014
Please everyone, I know not everyone prays, but my niece is having Anaphylaxis . Please keep her in your prayers, or in mind.
Anaphylaxis is a sever allergic reaction
1.0k · Nov 2015
Against the Odds
Ellie Shelley Nov 2015
Galaxies don’t really overlap all that often
But for us, they did
Even though the flying debris from their collision created a blackhole
The stars shone even brighter
And in that metaphor I’m referring to social groups
And a star crossed couple
And a vindictive ex-girlfriend
You see we made it against the odds
Your friends have always made fun of my friends
Cause my friend spend all of their time on Tumblr, and going to ****** concerts
And My friends make fun of yours for never giving us a chance
And your ex, makes fun of both of our friends because she doesn’t know the phrase “let it go”
this is no longer relavent this guy ******* cheated on me after 4 days
Ellie Shelley Mar 2015
1)Spill out your heart in a poem and write every single little detail about how he makes you feel like your body is on fire but in a good way
2)Reject your poem, and substitute the two hundred thirty nine words with three letters “hey”
3)Feel the pain of talking to someone who has no idea what flirting is
3)Tell yourself you are not taking a direct enough approach
1) Spill out your heart in poetry and write every single little detail about how he makes you feel like your body is on fire
2) reject your poem, and substitute the two hundred thirty nine words with three words “So whats up”
3)Feel the pain of talking to someone who has no idea what dating is like
4)Tell yourself you will not worry over how you look for him
4)Tell yourself you will not worry over how you look for him
4) Tell yourself you will not worry over how you look for him
5)Be friends with his friends
6)Watch his favorite show
7)Imagine every good way this could end
8)Imagine every bad way this could end
9)Tell yourself you will be his friend, nothing more
10)Write two hundred and thirty nine words to tell him what he does to you
11)Wait for him to read your poetry
990 · Oct 2014
Whore
Ellie Shelley Oct 2014
Don't you
Put your hands on me
Don't you
Push me down like that
Don't you build me up
To knock me down
Don't leave bruises
On my mind
On my skin
On everything I am
Don't tell me about
How good I am
When I'm not good enough
To be anything
But your *****
958 · Oct 2014
Upload a hug
Ellie Shelley Oct 2014
We are separated by screens
We fall in love
With false idols
Willing to give everything
For the love we don't get in our own house
We send Our lives over text
We spend our lives behind screens
We are hidden behind masks
It's turning into the Red Death
Each of us dying by half an hour
We are waiting for love to load
By we can't get a hug from a hard cold computer
We try to send love we don't know how to get ourselves
We are hiding behind screens
Hiding behind false names
We are hiding
Only to try to find love
But we can't upload a hug
891 · Feb 2015
The rape poem
Ellie Shelley Feb 2015
The, Oh I just can’t stand this pain
The, I will never get him out of my head
The, Why me, why me
The, this is my fault
The, I’m forever ****** up now
The, I hate you so much
The, don’t touch me
The, I jump at the sound of leaves
The, I head footsteps coming to my door
The, How did I manage to get into this
The, Every movement you make will  cause me to flinch
The, Don’t give me metaphors to heal my heart
The, Don’t touch me
The, I said don’t touch me
The, A hug is touching me so please stop
The, your walking to close behind me
The, this is my fault
The, If I smell him I will burst into tears
The, every face in a dark room is his
The, Why do I still think its my fault
The, If you grab my shoulder I might start crying
The, No I don’t want to talk about it
The, I don’t have to tell you if I don’t want to
The, please stop asking me
The, Yes I knew Him
The, no, you don’t have to be walking home alone in a dark ally for this to happen
The, I said no
The, he didn’t listen
The, why wouldn’t he listen
The, I still think its my fault
The, No man can ever heal me
The, Yes there are good men out there, but I don’t want you  to “heal me”
The, no, not every poem I write is inspired by him
The, no I don’t hate ***
The, no I don’t hate me
The, Your touching me again
The, No I will not talk about this
The, It’s not my fault poem
Ellie Shelley Dec 2014
Docter Pepper
- Barbie marathons
- Micro-wave Pizza's
- The cold ravioli you hated
That unfinnished basement was like a home...
- The crawl space under your bed
- The sims
- Doctor Phil
- Mansy ***** bands
- Plans for Highschool
     - And Warped Tour
Crying was okay...
- Pepsi
- Locking me out of my I-pod
-Sharing weird two A.M. thoughts
- Panic attacks
- Dumb boys
And I bet gullible is still on the celling.

*Remember that moment when everything was perfect?
864 · Apr 2015
I'm blue
Ellie Shelley Apr 2015
You’ll never see how much I loved you
I was going to dye my hair brown
I stayed up crying three nights in a row
trying to let go of my bubble gum hair
But the next day
You told me you didn’t love me like you did yesterday
So I dyed my hair blue
842 · Jan 2015
Its a new year
Ellie Shelley Jan 2015
Its A new year
And I still hate myself
Its a new year
And I still have mental illness
Its a new year
And I'm still an addict
Its a new year

*And I still love you
Ellie Shelley Sep 2015
When I was young I wanted to be Crystal
It sounded so fragile and clear,
It was who I wanted to be
I felt so
muddy and alone
Then I wanted to be Lilly
Delicate and pure
The opposite of what I was at the time
No rough girl
with and older boyfriend could be called Lilly
I now want to be called Aurora
The galaxies on my skin
And in my hair
I am the light of the night
I am cold
814 · Feb 2016
-Insert Name-
Ellie Shelley Feb 2016
I wanna sit in the back seat of a car with you
My legs on your lap
My back against the window
Your lips lingering on my neck
Telling me stories by mouthing words on my skin
Fingers pressed so hard into my skin
I expect you to leave bruises for the rest of my life
Sweat lightly beaded on our skin
My hair sticking to my shoulders
Your vest tightly wound between my fingers
I want you to play Flatsound
And tell me about your childhood
I want you to press your secrets into my skin
Till you engrave your story into me
I want you to stare at my flaws
Till you don’t hate me for them
I want you to scream everything you regret
Put your hand on my thigh
And tell me how you feel about me
Wrap your fist around my hair
Put your hand on my neck
Tell me what makes you hurt
Tell me what makes your soul burn
811 · Sep 2015
Galaxies
Ellie Shelley Sep 2015
You made me feel as though I had galaxies is my veins
And like my eyes were deep pools of the night sky
My mouth had been a grave yard
But you planted the tree of life on my tongue
My hair contained the winds of the world
But since the day I found out you left
I started draining my galaxy veins
Leaving empty universes
Reality with you holding her fogged over my night sky eyes
The tree of life was poisoned by my acidic voice
The day you left
The wind became extinct
And every metaphor I ever was, is gone
This is the new edited version of an old poem I wrote
804 · Nov 2014
Goals
Ellie Shelley Nov 2014
I can’t seem to get a hold on my mouth, nor my tongue. These curse word spill out of my mouth like smoke out of a cigarette. I work on my goal, and I’m trying my hardest, but maybe my hardest is not good enough for this.
799 · Sep 2015
Bitch Rap
Ellie Shelley Sep 2015
Listening to ***** rap in class
Staring into the depth of my screen
Fast pace words and faster beats
Backdrop of rhythm making my feet tap
A swath of warm words wrapping me up off my feet
778 · Dec 2014
Schizoid
Ellie Shelley Dec 2014
I finally realized why I reach for a sound button when I'm all alone
Its something I started doing
I've seen my father do it day after day
In the silence
We reach for a sound button
*To turn down the voices in our heads
763 · Nov 2014
Past tense
Ellie Shelley Nov 2014
We were going to be forever
We were going to stay by each other for life
Be shoulders for crying, have hands to wipe tears away
It had been seven months
Seven months, I took  chance on you
October
October 21 began the first of three nights
All of us sat in our rooms letting secrets through
You helped me see light when I was surrounded in a nineteen year old darkness
You were my first love, My first love that wasn’t lust
You were my first love, My first love of a girl
The night I had kissed you, the night I kissed you, the night you had stayed so close to me
That was the last of two nights
Two nights leading to the whole summer crying
Ellie Shelley Mar 2015
your
spinning blue dress
twirling the tip of your needle point heels
on my hands
pricking my finger tips
drawing the red rain you dance in
melding the blue, to
purple
spinning the split hairs of my insecurities
around my arms
binding me
closer to you
738 · Oct 2014
Homecoming
Ellie Shelley Oct 2014
A long night
Heels that could ****
Feet sore
Make up smudged
A dam of tears built
Trying to keep it in
Long drags of a cigarette
Dancing, isn’t that supposed to be fun?
Kissing, shouldn’t you like that person?
We leave the dance
We walk aimlessly
He tells me about you
He tells me about how he loves him
He tells me about how he likes you
He cries out a laugh of pain
What is one to do?
I watch her
Anger rolling off of her in waves
She yells out
“Why aren’t we drunk
Why aren’t we high
Why aren’t we so ****** up
I want to be on cloud nine”
I say nothing
I breath in my nicotine
And whisper to him
About my love
My love that loves me not
I whisper about how I wish I could throw myself into not liking him
I whisper to him about how
I hate myself
As we amble into a fast food place
I cry
Codys face haunts me
It was to be fun
A long night
Heels that could ****
feet sore
Make up smudged
My dam of tears broke
735 · Dec 2014
Bare skin hugs
Ellie Shelley Dec 2014
The first time I hugged you your skin was like the down on a baby duck
I could have spent hours stroking the palm of your hand with my thumb
It was soft and warm
Like a new spring leaf
But now every bare skin hug is marred with your skin
Rougher than tree bark
Every line on you, I can see the pain you have endured through the years
In your youth you are so old
Holding your hands now, it has lost its spark
Your hands are colder than any winter I’ve lived through
Your hands
Are now almost just bone
Thats probably because you have only grown taller, no wider, since seventh grade
Even the beautiful cherry smile you had
Its is now lost in the wind like the last crumbling winter leaf
728 · Feb 2015
Don't tell me you love me
Ellie Shelley Feb 2015
Don’t tell me you love me
Find a way to say it differently
Don’t say something so cliché
Said every day
Don’t tell me the sun sets and rises for me
Because I know the the rotation and revolution of the earth mixed with the gravitational pull of sun
Tell me you’ll buy me seventeen cats, because you know seventeen is my favorite number
Tell me you’ll paint my house purple, because it matches my hair, and it will make you think of me every time you look at it
Tell me you’ll never let me miss a Metallica concert that comes to Kansas
Tell me that you would take me to the aurora borealis and read me the poem about it
Tell me you will keep a drawer of head phones, so I never run out
Tell me you will take every knife out of the house
Tell me you will hang your clothes according to colour because it makes you feel like I did it for you
Tell me you will never buy me a valentine, you’ll buy me a bottle of ***** instead
Tell me you will hold me even when I’m screaming that I hate you
Tell me you will never try to make me like sports
Tell me you will take me to comicon and cosplay with me
Tell me you will always deal with my friends, even when they hate you
Tell me you will never say a bad thing about my mother, unless I say something first
Tell me you will buy me tampons at two in the morning
Tell me you will think i’m beautiful when I eat
Tell me you will make me feel like I can eat in front of you
Tell me you will watch cheesy disney movies with me
Tell me you will sing songs with me
Tell me you will dye my hair
Tell me you will listen to me even when I don’t make any sense
Don’t you ever say you love me
724 · Apr 2016
-P.S. I'm keeping it-
Ellie Shelley Apr 2016
Two months --
And a maybe
68 days --
And a .1% chance
Eight more days
To take upwards of three
tests to see
If my life --
Our life --
Is changing
Or maybe I was right the first time, Just mine
Because when I told you about worry
You told me about clinics
When I talked about
Talking to parents
You told me you didn't even want your mom to know
Seventeen and Sixteen
You tell me you don't want to be a statistic
Another cliche
But I don't want to be a graveyard
I don't want to grow flowers either
You asked me why I'm worried now
And I have no words to describe the feeling in my gut
The odd sense of paranoia
With no evidence for my worry
A little over 9 weeks
And a trembling thought
2632 hours
And anxious feelings
-P.S. I'm keeping it-
718 · Jan 2015
Untitled
Ellie Shelley Jan 2015
I'm so glad he's gone
Because "go **** yourself *****" is no way to great some one
717 · Apr 2015
Untitled
Ellie Shelley Apr 2015
You are a poem
Comparing your white skin to paper
Blue veins to blue lines
your story written on you
like the ink on this paper
714 · Dec 2014
My (Mexican) Love
Ellie Shelley Dec 2014
Kisses on the nape of my neck
Tight hugs from behind
Arms cradling my waist
Warm breath melting away the frost on my heart

I didn't think a puppy love would ever feel so good
I never thought "I love you" would ever come this easily

Pressing your hand on my ribcage
Light bites on my lips
Smirking at the low moans escaping my mouth
Our lungs breathing the same breath
I'm not racist
697 · Nov 2015
Dear Tenderfoot
Ellie Shelley Nov 2015
Dear tenderfoot, Don’t hurt yourself here
I am the jagged edges you will no doubtedly cut yourself on
Soft hands grabbing me in the night
Take me for a ride, and just drive
Simple sweet sin in the depths of your shallow soul
Fingers tied into yours
Pull me apart at the seems in the thick waves of your chestnut hair
Dear tenderfoot, you haven't earned your name yet so I will not say it
Late night texts turn the wheels in my mind till turning pages with stanza written acrostically for you
You see you are a lot like the paper in the journal I write in
You tear easy
My dear, I am the pen, I can tear through you with my inked words alone
You see, lovely tenderfoot
You are soft and gentle like a chaser
And I have a ***** personality
You are a teddy bear in the talons of a hawk I call my poetry
But you will stay intaced
For now
The hawk will do you no harm
My inked words will not permeate your skin
And frankly I’d like a chaser like you to dilute the punch of my personality
so my lovely tenderfoot
Are you ready to become words on a page
With a star crossed lovers theme?
Or are you ready to give up all these dreams
And drive away with all my metaphors
Whoops I added two lines, I'm reading this for a slam on Wednesday
688 · Oct 2015
Don't love poets
Ellie Shelley Oct 2015
Don’t become infatuated
Don’t fall in love
Especially not with poets
Because they only ever exist in their words
They will write you love poems, and lengthy paragraphs
With words said in ways you have never heard before
You will fall in love, with love poems, the way they say their vowels, and the look in their eyes when they read to you  
They will lull you to sleep with sticky sweet words
And they will speak of the colour yellow, in a new light
A new meaning will come to its definition
And it will slowly become your favorite colour
You will wear yellow dresses, and put daisies in every room  
You will see the speckles of yellow in their brown eyes
But you will find them at three in the morning sitting in the bath tub, bathing in the words of metaphors
You will find them having an affair with Stanzas and Verses at the same time, sleeping with sonnets
You will see that poetry was always their mistress
At night they will no longer share blankets with you, but they will wrap themselves in ballads and couplets
You will only be able to express this new distance with eulogies
You will start seeing yellow everywhere
In the beds of your nails, and them hems of your skirts
Till you start seeing it so often that you will want to puke up every word they have ever said to you
You will realize that talk is cheap and Rhymes are easy
You will realize that poets only ever exist in their words
This is the final version
688 · Sep 2014
I am not
Ellie Shelley Sep 2014
I am not writing to you about  how my love for you burns deep like a river
Or how I lay awake at night unable to shake the dream of us staring at the stars
Whispering our untold love expressed as wishes
And taking form of the dizzy lights in our eyes
Pushing
Pushing
Pushing
Till the words
"I love you" finally slip out
I am not writing to you about how I can only see you with hearts surrounding your ever glorified presence
And I couldn't be writing about The way my knees start shaking
My heart starts racing
And my hands can't be still when I'm around you
Unless
Maybe you feel this way too?
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