It's good to miss you,
routines make me get bored easily,
and boy have you failed at being consistent!

I'm just worried,
do you even miss me too?
If this becomes the routine,
then what do I even get out of it all?

They say the world is becoming a better place, proven in that happy people are becoming happier. Nobody seems to want to mention that sad people are becoming more sad too, so isn't that original statement a little underrepresenting? How is the world being a better place even a good thing? Doesn't that also mean that the world is a bad place to begin with, and it becoming less negative doesn't take away from the fact that it's still negative, I mean, otherwise why am I still sad? Why isn't the sadness going away? Is it merely because of my existence or is it more about my presence in this sort of world? Even if the world was neutral, it would only be so because the disparity between those who are happy and those who are sad is growing. Then what is the solution, you may be wondering? Can't one's happiness grow without someone else's shrinking? The truth is that everyone pays a price- some pay it through alienation from others, and others by alienating themselves.

I wish I can go back home,
borrow a blanket from the living
room that was once filled with
me and my cousins' dancing,

gather four ****** from the street,
the same street I used to steal flowers from,
that now steals people's blood and lives,

borrow a branch or two from the berry tree
that my mom used to make juice out of
and give to our neighbours,
they only reside in my head now,

build a tent in my parents' backyard,
the same backyard where
I held my 6th birthday party at,
that birthday had to end early as
there was a more important event happening;

the Americans were bombing
the area I used to run so free in,
with all of my friends,
whom I never got to say goodbye to,
never get to see how puberty hit them,
or even know if they're still alive today,

today,
I live under a stable roof,
I run away from the thought of home,
because it kills me that
I left the land that once
gave birth to me,
kept me warm,
warmer than I would personally like,
once.

I wish I could
stop the distances from growing,
make my mind reside back in my body,
turn reality into a dream so it could hurt less,
feel better when I cry,
erase the borders between us so we become one,
dry the oceans so I could cross them,
fill them again with my tears
and maybe jump in,
test how deep the damage in my mind,
distance myself from crying again
and reside in a dream.

I thought you were trying to make me a better person,
I thought you knew better than I did,
but you don’t,
and I know I’m better off without you,
because all you have been trying to make out of me,
is a person you can control.

So many times,
I’ve tried telling you
that I love you and that I care for you,

I need you to know that I see your intentions,
that you are indeed trying,

He does not see you for who you are,
she can not see you for who you are,
they would not see you for who you are,
if you do not acknowledge who you are,

dear self,
care for your soul, it’s been homeless too many times,
sing to your heart, it’s been homesick for some beats,
make peace with your mind, it’s the only home for your thoughts,
thoughts like this,
that have not been cared for at all
and not once filled with some love.