I am right and wrong,
I fill my glass with poison,
And fall asleep with my clothes on.

So many things I tried to be,
Me: software version 20.2.23,
Trying to prefect what they see.

Tomorrow I'll try once more,
Step outside that bedroom door,
Stand amid the deafening roar.

On the night that conscience falls, we will be at peace, my friend. When it falls, the stars will be in our hearts, shooting us out into oblivion. Ourselves, we, you and me — it will be our greatest moment, and our worst pain altogether. When conscience falls from ourselves, the world will fall with it straight into our palms.

As I pull the daggers from my heart,
The memories of home in my mind,
The person inside begins to fall apart,
And like the ****** past, is left behind.

If love may be thy sweet rose;
If love may be truly sweet,
As the perfect flower grows
In the garden, how may I greet?

As a budding rose yet to unfold,
Would thy love not be true,
If as somehow it will be bold,
And blossom not red, but blue?

I will never gaze thy rose’s shade,
Lest I tend with care for now;
I take care thy rose and wade,
Until her blooming petals show:

I shall greet her with the same affect;
As with budding roses, love I can't detect.

Desperately holding on to the end
Wondering where the time had gone
The part of me that never mends
Regrets of the loss, the distant one.

I think I can push back against time's shove
Years go by and I think it's been only a day
Because the image of you, the touch of your love,
The sound of your voice, never fades away.

Finding the monstrous limbs to sever
The ones that keep holding on to you
The ones that made me ugly as ever
A beast overgrown with love too true.

Now I am tamed, no more self-attacks
Human once again, never to look back.

The touch of the rain
Soothing soft embrace
I can't remember happiness
When my heart craves sorrow
And the craving is bliss
Even still with a bitter taste
Still worth the cold, wetness
Because if I may feel, it's better than not
And I will enjoy it, not with haste.

Dear, old friend,
I feel old without you;
While life beats slower each passing day,
With nothing ever new and nothing on the way.

I've grown weary with the predictable paterns of life,
Which you deliberated against,
And made bounding leaps to the rarely visited vegas of existence:
          Journeys we would often make together.

What memories do you forget of me,
And what memories did you create since?
And is it worth it to live and fulfill this epic narrative?
Your life does not have to be like a tragedy;
Always sorrowful and hanging in suspense.

I can pick you back up, old friend;
I'll pick you back up again.

I've been away,
Do you miss me today?
And yesterday?
What about yesterday; when we were something so beautiful?
So beautiful, we didn't even know.
And yesterday, what about it?
Did you enjoy it?
Do you remember my smile, like I remember your's today?
I remember, and I remember it all too fondly— it was the moment I never knew, and became instantly real with you.
Was yesterday your's as it was mine?
It must not have been as fine.
Because I led and you lost the path,
When I led, did I lead too fast?
I followed my path back to the past,
Searching for your love from yesterday,
On the abandoned road to my dismay.

I led with the light of my love;
Did you see it from across the bay?
Was it clouded by the nightly fog?
I tried so desperately to lead your way.
And now, as the darkest night dies,
I wade in the waters of yesterday,
Longing at my sinking heart with sighs.
My lighthouse still shines on your shores with love, now and then,
From my island, I gaze into the new night,
Longing for a ship to sail across the moonlit sea,
Through the fog after a long journey.

"Did you come to see me?" I'd say with hopeless hope.

The blood drips from her hand
It seeps into the depths of the page
Soaking like ink the runs red and
Dulling cold with emotionless rage.

A young soul tortured old
She lets it bleed without care
Quivering hand, fingers unfold
Written all, she rests back to chair.

A midnight chime, days have cross'd
Same words of mine, "I loved and lost!"


         I've pondered in dark twilight hours
         What has been written on the page
         But unlike the falling, wilted flowers
         The passionless words never age.

The budding trees, the falling leaves:
Dying and reviving
seasons of my soul.
Tears turn ice;
year goes cold.
Cathartic vice
melts away;
my heart bleeds again,
blood falling like rain.

Beautiful red sky—
what a lovely day to die.

Cleansing blue waters—
born again on a moonlit alter.

We met at the base of the tree
     and then we played hide and seek.
You hid under cover of the leaves
     and I was searching every branch
     expanding infinitely.

You see, I heard your laugh,
     it attracted me.
I followed your voice
     but it only echoed within me.

And this tree has grown
     larger than I ever imagined,
     while you stay hidden
     among the countless leaves.

You're there in front of me
Singing the notes I wrote for you
The words that I loved set free
But you sing them not to me
You are the ***** of my melody
You don't feel it true
My words mean nothing
If you don't mean them too

Open your eyelids
Cry out your ocean soul
Tears salted like the seaborn kids'
Feel the ghost love as it goes cold
And leaves the caress of your lips
In search of someone with care.

A new voice will sing
All that was once yours
The words angelically ring
Like they never have before
Sung from lips who care
Kissed by the soul entwined in air.

I wish the chords to be played again
That's all I wish, sung from the heart!
Please — no more pain.

If you could see the horrors
The tragedy that haunts my dreams
Greater than all the world's wars
Nigh, a single night of solace seems

The hurt, the desperate, always silent
More alone than any other can feel
Screaming inside when no one listens
Screaming harder, for the pain to heal

When all is lost, the laughter begins
The moment when you become insane
And pain be becomes a pleasureful sin
Because unlike love, lingers does the pain

Alas, constance of a fix is the greatest temptation
And when constance endures, a fix becomes vocation

Silence deepens,
        The dream fades into nothing,
                The mind weakens.
Ghosts of daughters,
        Who never felt this existence
                but are in my heart.
Laughter, unheard,
        A lot, unfelt and forgotten,
                Perfection, forever unmatched.
The dream of life:
        Never was it ever real—
                Could I just leave now?
        Never was it ever real—
                Could I just leave now?
                Could I just leave now?

The road that lies ahead is a long one. Many have traveled it before and I can see them at the end. Although there are many obstacles along the way, bridges I must mend before crossing, potholes that slow me down, and inns that tempt me to stay awhile — I must resist and persist and carry on, or I might never reach my destination before the sun falls over the horizon.

I've lived a dream
Now let me live a memory.

I desire, and I long for the past.

The present is lonely, always fleeing,
Leaving people and good moments so quickly;
Leaving only memories behind to regress over time,
But the past never forgets, holding tight to the smile on her face, and her eyes as they gazed into mine with love;
The present has forgotten her, but the past never will,
All those perfect memories; all the precious moments,
Dead in the present, but live in the past. Always.

Why is it that you shine so bright?
Brighter than all the other stars in my sky
Somehow blinding is your twilight
Yet so distant from my reach, but I'll try

Even the deepest of my seas
Are wrapped in your light
And my darkest forest's trees
Can't cast the shadow of night

Without any part of me able to rest
While you shine intensely upon me
I'll be wakeful every second lest
We collide when your next passing be

This voiding air between us, oh star of mine
Will disappear quickly, all in due time.

On that autumn evening in 1962
I am falling for you,
And the sounds of jazzy-blue
Rambling lost and smooth.

In this moment I've contrived
While I am there by your side,
Inside of fiction, with you, I hide;
And walk the night under city-lit skies.

But that was an unrealizable time;
This moment was never mine.
Cloaked with nostalgic rime
Inside a Polaroid frozen in time.

All you left behind for me:
This black and white memory
Of a night I'll never see,
And a melancholic question: Who is she?

The pain of the world is far too much to bear
And for that we escape to the winter world
Where the path leads to wonder-fields, ice valleys and I stare
The beauty before us, purity of the world frozen cold

A sight that silences angels vocality
Gaia plays her infinite symphony
Over every windswept meadow
Casting light over every shadow

Give me an angels hand to hold
Once and for all as I leave this world

Beautiful words won't save my dreams,
They're so far from what they mean;
They might be silent, or thoughts of another,
But not mine they way I imagined --

I leave the page ***** and used,
Unclear poetry of my past abused;
I am no brighter than ink,
No more pure than the empty page --

Silence is always on my tongue
While all I am inside is unsung;
I might be emptiness or not,
You'll never know, will you?

The sunlight breaks the dark cloud cover and casts over the valleys of my mind. Darkness turns to light, like the way water washes over a sandy beach as the tide comes in; washes away all the imperfections, the footprints of friends and foes long gone. It gives me freedom to dream again, unbound by uncertainty. Now my path is lit, and I can carry on without the fear of losing my way.

A few more words written on a page, taken from my mind and thrown out into the open for approval or rejection. What do I care? Some praise for a moment; maybe a few faithful minds to ease my fear. What do I care of who cares? Why should I? Will it mean a thing years from now? Probably not, though I may never know for sure. Sometimes it seems so worth it, and other times I can't remember why I ever thought it was.

Ridicule me all you want,
Because I know you don't understand.
But never defend me, acting like you do understand.
Now that would truly be disgraceful,
Because I know you never can.

You leave me wanting more
Love that that isn't there
And still fading quickly
My desire dying unwillingly.

I don't want my love to die
But hearts can't beat forever alone
It takes another, for when one grows weary
The other grows stronger merely.

We cannot be weak together.
One or the other, or both strong is better
But weak love kills us both,
And I'm growing weak, tired
I feel beat! A dying fire!

I know you don't want to die
So it's time for you to be strong
Please — won't you save me?

I know you know not the pain you cause me
It is of my unique delicate heart that it grows
I try to bear it silently, in hopes that it never shows

You have a beautiful life and I wish not to impede with pity
Born of nature, I cannot despise any one soul for wrong
Why would I?  
Why would I ever disgrace the innocence of ignorance?

You've made yourself distant
Still, what I feel is no different.

But I cannot change what you chose
You've flown your path scarlet lark
Followed moonlight as the sun rose
And I'm still preaching to the dark.

The echo of your fleeting song now tears me apart
The song that gave life to my broken heart.

Forever, will my cries be in your name
Following the melody of your soul
Because from the shadow of you I came
And a return is inevitable to lecherous roles.

She picks me up,
Dresses me in blue.
Clothes me in lace,
All dolled up, shiny and new.

We play our games,
I always lose;
I'm just the doll,
I let the girl choose.

We play for awhile,
And my threads begin to fray;
With every tug and pull,
She strains me with her play.

To her it's all fun,
My feelings: she's unaware;
But slowly I'm dying,
As my seams wither and tear.

Until one day,
Something finally snaps;
My threads unravel,
I'm riddled painful gaps!

So like the dolls before,
She'll toss me in the trash;
And out to browse some more,
For the next unlucky catch.

The train rolls to a stop in front of the station. I peer out the window through the steam at the people. Some getting on, some off. But they are all on their own journey and it doesn't end nor does it begin with this change in direction.  Still I wonder if I should get off now, or should I wait for a nicer stop ahead?

I began as a sprouting blade of grass like Whitman said.
And among the millions of green leaves, I am.

Ground, oh found me dead, rooted where I stay,
I once dreamt to uproot and walk away.
Was I foolish in those days, and in my thoughts;
To dream of Life while Death lovingly held my hand?

Life's short part and Death's long verse,
And I, as they act their roles upon the stage my soul,
Weep for their sense to be sung.

I'll return one day, as all falls into place,
I'll return to see you in my aging ways.

But when you see me, know this:
I've only come home to fade away.

Where is the dawn?
I've felt the warmth,
          yet have seen no light.

Where have I gone?
Deep into darkness,
          and I've become the night.

Am I still heartbroken?
Searching for loves,
          like the ones I've known.

I'm waiting to be awoken.
Until the day,
          I'll dream alone.

All the answers lie within
All your questions will be answered in time
With a sudden moment of realization
And a catharsis beautifully written

Your story will end in peace
When you rest your head after the long journey home
And reflect on the past you created for yourself
The Question: What it right?
The answer is a resounding yes.
Because a regretful no will never change.

When I hear the music of my past;
          An echo of the person I used to be,
          I wish I could speak to it as it does to me,
And tell it notes to play so it may last.

A melody of perfect beat and scale,
          Imperfect as I play it back now;
          Music then, and broken hearts now,
Still magic of the moment, never fail.

And even with the sorrowful notes,
          The change from G to E minor, slow,
          And my love for the symphony grow,
As I play each beautiful note I wrote.

My life, is a lament to Her creation,
          All the happiness that seeds,
          And the sadness that breeds;
It is all true, and never imitation.

And when Her music plays with mine,
          The harmonizing ring of morning bells,
          Of forests, creatures, and ocean swells,
She rules 'til the end of time, with a single line:

It's not all bad, if you can still smile at something
And have a moment of commonality with someone
If you can still talk without fear, it's not all bad
And it's not bad at all if someone listens.

Imagine that? And if someone agrees, well you're ahead of me
And if They agree, well then you've got something there
And if you've got Them hooked on every word you say
Well then you've got yourself an army there.

It becomes a movement, just be sure you're aware
That when it's bigger than just you, and you alone
Someone else can lead the way, so take care
Because now you've got a movement of your own

And when a movement moves, you can't control too much
Even as their leader, you're just another man in the rush.

I'm glad we met
Although not for as long as I'd hoped

All the good you've shown me
Priceless, and still you expect nothing in return
The mere effort of repayment is enough to you
Humble, as well, and never mal-intentioned

You are not perfect
Though you try to be
Giving when you can
And wishing you could more frequently

Never doubt
You are a kind heart
Don't ever forget.

I'll show you myself because you already know
And I know that what lies beneath may be different
So different, but so beautiful in the soul's undertow
But when taken from my heart, becomes non-extisent

However, you still know with trust that lies deep
You believe in the passion expressed in my eyes
And although you can't see it still makes you weep
Because if something so beautiful was only a lie

Life would not be as sweet, and, well, is that really any good?

Where I fell,
               you knew that place well.

And as the frost gripped to my sighing,
              you ran fast, and I laid lying,
                               to myself, and breathlessly yell.

I wandered the cold night back to when you were with me,
              abandoned hope for the last time, and finally
                               I am free, and I've stopped trying
                                             to be something I'm not, oh how that was hell.

At the end of the day,
The children play
In the fields of death;
Slowly taken down to rest,
Beneath the tall blades of grass
That hold the moments from the past.
This field full of young growing old,
In time they’ll all lose the flame
And fall to ash and ember:
Like the rest of us, the same,
Struggling to stay lit for a little longer.

Sometimes you just have to let it die
Sometimes you just have to let the it burn and watch as it all goes to hell
And at some point you'll eventually just stop giving a ****.

I let go too slow,
Then I cut them quick
And bled the pieces of my heart
that were them,
And have been a part of me for so long.

I hate to see them go,
I really do.

Don't pick up only when the sun shines;
And don't fall with the pouring rain.

For every night you shall not lay down;
And for the day you should not wake.

Shall you cry, may it be of choice;
And smile no more than it pleases you.

The laws are not all set in stone;
Let sorrow bring you solace, and the departing road bring you home.

The dying day
and the newborn night
take me across the way.

I stop my heart
at temptations edge
learning down at the abyss.

I see all that I love
from days gone by
reaching for the light above.

Slowly come to life
resurrect from the grave
of memory, but still
it's all a haze.

I gave you all that you want
More than you deserve
I gave it all at my own expense
And still I feel like nothing has changed

You give the least to be polite, and nothing more.
You know that's all you must give
And because of my desperation
I accept it.

And still I give even more
In the hopes that you'll answer me with the same intentions.

I gave selflessly, to the point of agony
And it leaves me empty inside
And I am left cold
Until I gain the strength somewhere.

I dread the day when the strength does not return
And I know it will come sooner than I expect.

The still lake mirrors your beauty;
Calm are the waters, when love is in bloom;
Disturbed only by a tear fallen silently,
When roses wilt under shadows that loom.

When leaves change your emotion;
Fallen from life, to the waters below;
And your heart fades with them,
And with them buried in white snow:

You'll stay frozen in loss,
Until the sun shines again,
And releases your cold heart;
And cleanses it with April rain.

And when roses bloom red once more;
Love will heal your scars from before.

Lets turn out the lights
And dream together
All the night

Lets dream of each other
Dressed in black and white
Blissful sight, my lover.

Run to me so we can run away
Together, to wherever
Until the break of day.