When you exhale,
Your breath forms a cloud.
I wish your intent
Was as clear to visualize.

These silhouettes we cast on the wall,
A fading echo of who we are now;
The only reminder you leave with me
Is the smell of you waning on my sheets.

Run run run
Run away if you can
Stay stay stay
You've never done
You're the one with the trigger
But I'm at the end of the gun

Put myself in your line of fire
I want to bleed
Have you cut me so I blame you
I've sown my seed
Now you are the reaper
(Though it's my greed...)

I remember learning Augustana's Boston
Because you made my keys alive with it
As Luck ran about your legs
Luck died and we did too, in a way

I am the undead, and you are the ghost
In wisps you appear, in whispers you speak
You haunt in place of love

I prefer to devour hearts
I cry out for help, but no one can hear me
My lips are sown shut but they forgot my eyes

I've forgotten how to play Boston
So I guess that means you won't
                           Come home

My darling,
upon the mountain's caress.
My ******-friendly mess
in a pineapple dress.
I couldn't love less
or less of you.

Young explorer,
drifting from world to world.
A huckleberry eye
that shifts from trembling duress,
with my hands onto her back.
Why can't life cut you any slack?
The chair is going out under
as the skies are mumbling thunder.
My violin underneath the sin,
sounding from within
"...I love you."

Broken water
bounce from cheek to chest.
Your breathing sounds the best.
With my words onto your lips,
and how the saliva drowns and drips.
I grip around your hips,
with the world releasing a boulder,
that drops upon your shoulder,
and I shake you senselessly,
why can't god set you free?
I can feel from you to me.

Blood, down, to ever and let go,
with your body in the snow.
My river-drowned girl,
engulfed by the swirl.
Love, oh no, from year to year.
Your words so everclear,
"I love you, too."

Silver-shiner,
moon-kissed and ever so,
your feet on the bathroom floor,
the kills from the handled snore.
What I wouldn't give to drink
from your fountain.
What I wouldn't give to die
on your mountain.
My darling, from colored-t.v.,
with a kiss and a motel fee,
I could know what the known couldn't,
with my fingertips where they shouldn't.
Turn down the volume and say
that you'll stay another day
or three.

You and I,
We got high
together at the seven eleven at seventeen,
and listened to Fall Out Boy as he sang ironic one liners.
And we'd argue about what it would mean; too high to believe
the other was right, and then laughed at passing cars.

We stumbled to the graveyard and told ghost stories with wine,
and whiled away the hours dreaming of knights and dragons
in crystal towers far away across fable and time. I'd lift my proverbial flagon,
and you'd ****** it away, and whisper
"What am I
to you?" So sudden, and I was too high to answer it right at the time.
I stumbled. I mumbled. My words were all jumbled, and all that came out was:
"Thou art mine friend." Kind of lame, that word at the end. But I ended the sentence
With a laugh. I didn't know you were serious...
But...
I should have cut a word from the statement. Because if I was being serious too,
I'd have whispered back "Thou art mine."

In my mind, I relive the moment over again and again,
before you left and stumbled off into the dark,
I say "You are my princess, I'm your knight."
I say "When it's all ****** up, you make it all right."
I say all the right things and it culminates in a kiss by starlight,
but I mumbled,
words jumbled,
And you took the bottle of wine with you as you stumbled
alone into the dark till it took you away from my sight.

That night I sat alone and soliloquised what I didn't say right.

I bet you like the shape of my lips.
---I bet you want to taste them.
I bet you like the freckels that trail down my chest.
---I bet you want to connect them with your tounge.
I bet you like the way my hair falls to the middle of my back.
---I bet you want to trial your fingertips through it.

I bet you would never do those things.
I bet you are afraid of what might happen.

I bet I am more afraid of what might happen.
I bet I would hide my body from you.
I bet I would run.

I bet you wouldnt chase after me.

Like smoke in my lungs, it is an acquired taste that I could not bring myself to quit. And now that I have, the flavor is unprecedentedly toxic.
2. Your name is merely a catalyst to my relapse. You turned your head away from it then, and I know you will turn your head away from it now.
3. To hear that beautiful arrangement of letters coming from my own lips only reminds me of the genuine smile on your face that you can only have when I am gone. And every time it makes me wonder if I truly mean it when I say I am happy for you.
4. I cannot reconcile what is with what could have been. Maybe if I was still yours and you were still mine, it would be endearing to say your name.
5. When it's 4 am and I am falling apart in my half empty bed, I cannot find the breath to utter your name between sobs.
6. I have spent too much time pretending that your absence has had no affect on me that I have not yet grieved. But, I could never pity myself without shouting your name into an empty void.
7. Maybe I am only idealizing you, but his name left a bitter taste and I have been craving yours on my lips.
8. I cannot say your name because I know that if you were to turn your head in recognition, I'd get lost in those blue eyes and fall for you all over again.
9. There is no logic behind how I inherited the right to say your name. Since you have left, this complacency is eating me alive and I am only left to wonder why someone so beautiful would have ever touched a soul like mine.
10. I cannot speak of your name any longer because it is no longer my privilege. It is hers to say now.

At two in the morning
I told you I'd
Locked myself in the closet
Again
I couldn't bare to listen
But you knew the walls
Were thin

You told me to wait
And you'd take me
Away
From this place

At two in the morning
You pulled up
I climbed out my window
And ran to the street

Italian rock bands
In your speakers
Drowning out the house
Behind

I was just 15 you an "adult"
And I had a boyfriend
I didn't love
Though none of it mattered
No
None of that mattered

As we passed the
Townline
I choked on a cry
And you stayed silent

Pulled up to your place
At two in the morning
Air hockey tournament
In your basement
Until

I was safe