The briefest of conversations,
The most serious tone in her voice,
As she explained the end was here.

I listened, helpless, as she told me,
That I wasn't worth it,
That she didn't feel the same as before.

I watched as she stood to leave,
Avoiding my eyes,
Picking up her bag to walk out of my life.

I told her to wait, a final, desperate attempt,
I told her I'd do anything,
She said: "I don't think there's anything you can do."

And with that, the best two months of my life,
Came to a bitter end,
With tears, regrets and despair in control of me.

The hardest part is not that she's gone,
It's that I can't bring myself to hate her,
I still love her.

But I guess that wasn't enough.

Farewell, you who showed me how to smile,
Be happy,
If I can't do that for you, I hope someone else can.

I heard that tone twice,
Once to tell me of failed love,
Then that ours was too.

Am I happy?
It depends.
How are you?

Too clean,
No character,
A new heart would be,
So I mend my old one,
Stitching up the holes,
That I burnt myself,
It's our scars that tell us who we are,
Not the open wounds or undamaged skin,
It's the places we had to fix ourselves,
Where we made it through,
But we'll never forget,
That shape how we smile,
How we cry,
How we love,
How we hate,
So I can't get a new heart,
But I can make this one better,
And I have,
And I will carry on making it better,
Until I can present it to you with pride,
Instead of embarrassment.

Walking quickly,
Just to catch up with you,
So we can talk for a few more minutes,
So I can see your eyes just one more time,
Before tomorrow.

Walking slowly,
Just to make it last longer,
So I can feel your hand in mine for another eternity,
So I can see you smiling for another second,
Before tomorrow.

Holding you closer,
Just to feel your heart,
So I can hear the sound of every gentle breath,
So you can keep me warm for another moment,
Before tomorrow.

Looking back,
Just to see you step inside,
So I can catch another glimpse of your hair,
So I hear the last thing you say,
Before tomorrow.

Running home,
Just to make the time go faster,
So that the adrenaline can make each minute rush by,
So I don't have to wait quite as long,
Before tomorrow.

The old me afraid,
And the girl who knew us both,
It's her who chooses.

She starts to cry,
I know exactly why,
But there's nothing I can do to help.

Her eyes look down,
To hide her frown?
Or to hide from my reaction she fears?

I can't see past her hair,
But I hear her despair,
As she pours out the depths of her soul.

How to respond,
To such a sad song,
That leaves me with no comforting words?

Tell her it'll all be fine?
She'll know that's a lie,
An easy escape from facing facts.

Nothing I say,
Or price I pay,
Will change the events of the past.

So all I can do,
Is tell her the truth,
And make a commitment of trust.

And try to repay,
Her trust on that day,
With a secret I kept in my heart.

The time she saved,
Quite by mistake,
A weak, blackened and crumbling life.

Finally I feel,
It's time to reveal,
How she rescued me from that box in the cupboard.

It can't help much,
But maybe enough,
That she'll realise what she's worth.

And in holding my hand,
Completely unplanned,
You made me happier than I've ever been.

But three words meant more,
Words I'd never heard before,
Spoken by another to me with honesty.

And I know that they,
Were hard for you to say,
After all that others have put you through.

"I trust you"

She once waved white cloth but now,
Tears of blue satin fall,
As a girl who once smiled at life,
Cries with the pain of it all.

She once waved blue satin but now,
Drops of red velvet fall,
As a girl who once loved the world,
Sees the hatred that's found in all.

She once waved red velvet but now,
Rags of black silk fall,
As a girl who once had everything,
Begins to lose it all.

She once waved black silk but now,
She waves nothing at all,
As a girl who clung to emotions,
Lets go to watch them fall.

She once waved an empty hand but now,
Another's pulls her inside,
As a girl who sat on the edge of life,
Finds new hope in another's eyes.

He let go of all he cared for,
Let it fall to the ground,
In a desperate attempt to repay the favour,
That kept him safe and sound.

His hands now empty, unhindered,
He reached and offered support,
To a girl he could see had lost more than he dared to think of.

She accepted

He smiled

And both now wave together

Made stronger by fear and trust

I had a nightmare last night,
Filled with death and fear,
With danger and falling,
Only for a message to appear.

And suddenly I'm in her room,
Panicked and afraid,
Her room is empty and bare,
Apart from a short poem taped to the wall,
To my Mum who will find I don't live here any more,
The next two lines unclear in my mind,
But the final line stands out bold,
I've found hope with you my love.

Underneath a hasty drawing,
Of animals in the wild,
And of one lone wildebeest,
Daring to trust,
In the nature of a falling elephant,
To keep her from falling herself.
But I'm not sure the elephant was strong enough.

I know that sounds strange,
But this was a dream after all,
Even so I'm worried my love,
So if you see this please respond,
And tell me you haven't left home,
And you're not leading your life alone,
Because only my words can reach you from here,
And I'm afraid that when finally I'm near,
You'll have disappeared.

I won't say "I wish you were here."
Because I wish I wasn't.
I won't say "I miss you, my dear."
Because you know that already.
I won't say "I'll wait for when you are near."
Because we both know I can't.

But I will say this:

Though it's cold and dark and wild,
Your words will keep me warm.
And though I'm just a lonely child,
You mean so much more.
As I leave the eye of the storm,
And deadly, raging clouds form,
The memory of the calm before,
Will remind me all of me is yours,
And there is no way I'll let anything you own be lost.
So I'll take care of my yearning heart,
I'll comfort my mind with your words of art,
I'll let my mouth smile and let my lungs sigh,
So that my eyes won't have to cry,
So when I see you again, I can be happy with no cost.

And just one more thing, that you already know,
I love you no matter what, and no matter where I go.

I can find more perfect moments,
In one conversation with you,
Than in everything else I've been through.

I can find more joyful feelings,
In an hour together,
Than I could in the rest of my forever.

I can find more nervous heartbeats,
When you hold my hand,
Than in every trial I've had to withstand.

I can find more calm and comfort,
When you hold me tight,
Than in the warmest bed on the coldest night.

I can find more honest concern,
For me and my health,
From you than I've ever had from anyone else.

I can find more words to say,
But I don't have the time,
And to be honest I'm running out of words that rhyme.

There was nothing left there for me,
There was nothing left to say,
So I left on a new path,
To find my own way.

But when I went,
I didn't know where I was going.

I've been searching for the way to go,
I've been searching for a new direction,
But I didn't know how far to run.
You helped me to find my own truth,
And you helped me to find understanding.
And now you're leading me along a route I don't know,
But I will trust your judgement.

I knew you'd made me happy,
And I'll always be thankful.
But I've been lost for so long,
I didn't realise I'd been found.
And now, finally,
I know what I did wrong,
From the very start.

I needed help,
But I didn't know it,
So it just kept growing,
And growing, and growing.
Until it outgrew me,
It overtook me,
But I kept reaching for it.

Until finally, after all this time,
You came and averted my eyes,
And I saw a glowing, blinding light,
That destroyed all the lies,
I've been saying in my own mind.

Because I needed help,
But I didn't need to change,
Because you love me for who I am,
*Not who I want to be.