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I've had enough of being alone,
I got my fill of that years ago.
I've had enough of empty hands,
So put yours in mine and tell me your plans.
I've had enough of the cold,
So put your arms round me and keep hold.
I've had enough of singing your favourite songs on my own,
So let me hear again that beautiful tone.
I've had enough of being in the year above,
Just 5 months means they try and obstruct our love.
I've had enough of writing poetry like this,
I count the hours until I return to bliss,
*And remove as many as I can with sleep.
A void,
Empty of all,
A divide,
Between our souls,
I stand,
Afraid of falling,
I listen,
And hear you calling,
I look,
I see despair below,
A ravine,
Filled with dark sorrow,
I step,
And trip and fall,
Air rushing,
The end of the long haul,
I land,
My body crushed,
Life leaves me,
My song is hushed.

At least, that's what would have happened
If your hand there to grab me hadn't
Pulled me up so much higher,
Where things got so much brighter.
My love,
I know you are gone for the night,
Bound by poor battery life,
But I won't be here at morning's light,
So I'll leave you this to make your day bright.

My love,
There is nowhere I'd rather be than with you,
When I'm away our next meeting is what gets me through,
Nothing could replace you, that's the truth,
And I dream of making more memories new.

My love,
I hope you're not worrying about me,
But I know you will, so I hope you see,
That I'm alright, as I walk lonely down the street,
Wishing round the corner you'd be.

My love,
Promise me to try and keep focused,
Whether it's differentiation or the lifespan of locusts,
Don't let my friends get to you if their words are too potent,
Just know our love means more and their attempts are hopeless.

My love,
Tell me when you see this,
And tell me when you get home,
Because that's what gets me through the night:
*Knowing I'm not alone
It's not hard to say it.
Just three syllables.
Easy enough right?

What's so difficult?
Young children say it all the time,
So why can't I?

The difficulty is in meaning it,
In being able to express in just three words,
Everything that matters to you.

The difficulty is in living it,
In following through on a promise made in a few seconds,
And showing them that you meant it.

The difficulty is in believing it,
When they try to do the same,
When they try to express all of this to you in the same way.

Three words is not enough,
But I'll say them anyway,
But not here, not now,
Because I can't get all of that into three words on paper.
Or into a message on a screen.
And though I'll probably say those three words to you, as soon as you see this.
I know it won't be enough.
And neither will this poem.
Or all my poems of your eyes and smile.
Because this means so much more than words.
Trying to breathe,
But finding no air,
So learning to live without it.
Trying to see,
But eyes stinging,
So learning to move without light.
Trying to hear,
But sound muffled,
So learning to cope with silence.
Trying to touch,
But all out of reach,
So learning to keep to myself.
Trying to smile,
But I can't raise my cheeks,
So learning to avoid happiness.

Then I try something new,
And suddenly,
I can breathe the damp air of autumn,
I can see your hair, your eyes, your smile,
I can hear your voice, singing a perfect melody,
I can feel your hand in mine, your head on my shoulder,
And you teach me how to smile again.
Out of my comfort zone,
Relearning everything,
That's how I want my life to be from now on.

*Keep teaching me.
 Oct 2014
Antiquity Vaircome
Sat there, empty and quivering
In your lap, so lost
The girl's heart was pounding so loud
She thought you might hear
Her throat was dry and raspy
Her breaths were short and quick
And sat there, unaware
Your hand was now her full attention
Do it
But I'm scared
Do it
But what if...
Do it
I don't want to be hurt again
Do it

Fingers, intertwined
A small pocket watch, keeping time,
Held in his hand, for him to rewind.
Twice a day it said, with care,
The polished metal reflects his stare.
So twice a day, without fail,
He winds it up to hear its wail.
But the wail, it comes from deep within,
As those ever-turning cogs pull his heartstrings.
And that constant ticking, by his ear,
Never fails to produce a tear.
As the sound, it echoes through his mind,
Telling him, "Now! Now is the time."
He tries to lose it, but the chain holds fast,
Pulling him tighter, towards his past.
And still he winds it, as he was told,
With trembling fingers, through the biting cold.
The dark comes closer, with each screaming tick,
And he loses focus, begins to feel sick.
He forgets one winding, takes a moment to breathe,
And the watch is grabbed from him, thrown onto the street.
To his horror, the watch falls apart,
And the chains let go of his heavy heart.
He turns, to face the cause of his release,
But they are gone, pulled by another timepiece
For a year he searches, to find his saviour,
And for a year he fails, to repay the favour.
But at last he remembers, and returns to the spot,
Where he knew there once was a great grandfather clock.
And there he sees her, chained to her despair,
As the pendulum swings back and forth, slicing her through the air.
And in a moment of madness, he attempts to stop time,
Angry at injustice, raging inside.
The pendulum falls, and she is released from its hold,
And his tiny little watch, seems a little less bold.
Then, she runs up to him, plants a kiss on his cheek,
And tells him that she loves him, as his knees grow weak.
And hand in hand they walk away, over scattered cogs and springs,
And both, now free of time's cruel chains, spread their weary wings.
Hear your voice in every note,
Feel your breath in every phrase,
As my fingers dance on the keys,
It's you I want to amaze.

But you are not here.

See your smile on every stave,
Sense your hands embracing mine,
An unresolved suspension,
Betrays what's on my mind:

You are not here

But then, in the reflection of that ebony grand,
I glimpse a moving figure,
I see your eyes looking back at me,
My music fades to a whisper.

You are here.

I turn to face you and you take my hands,
You place them gently back on the keys,
"Keep playing," You tell me,
"Let me hear more, please."

I take a breath,
"Now you are here, I could play you my soul."
Why do the trees cry,
On the happiest day?
Why do tears fall from their leaves?
Why, when the moon's full,
Do they weep through the night?
Can they not share in our love?

Maybe they can,
But they haven't yet,
Because if they had,
They would never cry again.
A boy leans against his door,
Torn by the grief and loss created by his own mind,
Tear stained cheeks that never knew a smile.

The boy falls to the floor,
The door is blocked by his own weight,
He is trapped by his body in a room cut off from kindness.

The boy hits his head against the wall,
In a futile attempt to escape this life,
His head begins to throb, a confused mess of screaming voices fill his ears.

Then one voice is clear,
Calling him,
Leading him,
He feels safe, sure, free,
He finds himself calling back,
"I trust you." He says, raising his eyes from the floor,
"I trust you," She replies, but that's not what he heard.
"Open the door," Is what he heard, words he'd never even considered.

He lifts himself up, and grabs for the lock,
With a moment of hesitation, he slides the bolt across.
But he can't bring himself to do it, he looks at the handle,
He puts his hand on it and tries to push down.

But his other hand stops him, grabbing at his wrist,
He is so close now, but he can't do it,
He takes two steps back, away from hope,
And the door swings wide open, light streams in,
With a smile she grabs his hand, and pulls him from his cell.

He sees an open door behind her, a room as dark as his,
"How did you get out?" He asks, she just laughs and squeezes his hand.
"One clear voice, calling, leading," She whispers in his ear,
"It told me to open the door."
 Oct 2014
Antiquity Vaircome
A little girl, lonely and lost, draws pictures in the sand
Suddenly, a shadow of a little boy falls across her hand
His awkward smile endears him to her
His gentle words weld together
Until they draw in the sand, side by side
Laughing and smiling with care and with pride

But the girl is still lonely, the girl is still lost
The price of her heart comes with a cost
A single confession, on a white screen
Such a thing she could never have foreseen

The little girl tells a tale of sadness and woe
The little boy sits and listens to her lowest low
And then he has his own tale to tell
Of how an angel almost fell

A not-so-little girl, lonely and lost, draws pictures in the sand
Next to a not-so-little boy, with a quivering hand
The hand she takes and folds into her own
At last, she knows, she is not alone
When I see you again,
Let me say to you,
The words you already know.

When I see you again,
Let me play to you,
The song I've never shown.

When I see you again,
Let me smile at you,
And watch your smile grow.

When I see you again,
Let me dance with you,
Until the lights are low.

When I see you again,
Let me laugh with you,
As you take away my woe.

When I see you again,
Let me hold you,
And never let go.
On the first day,
I feared the start.
On the second day,
I feared the end.
After a week,
I feared the weekends.
After a fortnight,
I feared the holidays.
Now?
I fear the day I leave school,
And I'll be forced to leave you behind.
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