When your world is breaking
You get ****** into a dimension
Of two halves
One wrought with pain and emotion
Hot and searing in every second
The second is emptiness, the loss and eternal void of vast space spilling in as if to drown you
The two are inseparable
And awful each In their own way

But they are always together

Bad Thoughts

Bad thoughts in youth:
Energy, gifts given, offered,
Why we suffered…
We knew nothing.
It just was.
‘…wasted on the young’, said Shaw.
This truth endures:
Energies were boundless.
Such a plus and it was us.
But minuses with M, big M,
They were the dross,
The rubbishy behavior of those days
When we paid no mind to the affluence,
All assets.
We were young, un-formed.
But now, formed, social-normed,
What have we for excuse?
Those days diffuse,
We leave those days all honeycombed.
Now we know.
Bad thoughts have nil excuse;
Crave discipline to loosen.
Self-destructive in their essence,
Nuisance to the mind.
Trust this writer: make you blind.
Know thyself, said Socrates.
The phrase that follows - obvious.
Be kind!
You cannot lose.

Bad Thoughts 3.20.2018 I Is Always You Is We, Circling Round Egos; Circling Round Energy; Arlene Corwin

I think
as artists
we owe a lot to pain.

Put on
a robe of thorns
and write

about the nice weather outside
and that delicious burger
you had today.

Write about happiness
when you're in pain-
beauty.

Your naked body
Pressed on mine
We kissed

I thought that
I should feel
Something

Thrill, euphoria
Lust, love
Or bliss

But no
I felt
Nothing

She was like music,
and I longed to dance.

Her heart was the beat,
and I begged for the chance.

Her words were the vocals,
and I was put in a trance.

Her smile was the melody,
and I fell in love at first glance.

i want to get high in foreign cities
travel to places i have yet to lay my eyes on
pack a bag and take off, my only motive to feel free
i want to kiss lovers on pavement my toes have never touched
beneath trees rooted with legends in their leaves
ensuring everlasting love
and i want to feel light, rather than weighed down
anchored to one small town
i want to drop everything and get away
to places where time is altered
and the stars are always present
whether it be in the night sky or people's eyes
i want to fall in love with strangers, cities, and scenes
i crave so deeply to feel free
to start anew

but at the same time
i want you to come too

s.s

We're almost touching.
we were walking side by side,
you're talking about cabs in your hometown.
I can feel the gravity of your hand, calling my fingers
whispering "it's alright."

We're touching but not quite.
you held my shoulder to protect me from the passing cars.
and for the first time in a long while, I felt so fragile.
In this world where I find it hard even to breathe,
you believed me.

I almost said it.
All I need is one ounce of strength to tell you every single thing that I have ever felt about you.

I want to find home in your collarbones.
Would you be kind enough to let a stranger in?
I want to seep in your being because I'm cold.
The world is harsh and my cracks are aching.

Almost.

i hear a lyric of you in every song
i see you in every restaurant at every table
in every passing car
in every movie theater and grocery store
but you're not really there
not anymore
i've always had a hard time letting go
but i've never experienced something like this
i talk about you like a lost love
i feel you like a gunshot
you weren't a muse
but you were the pain behind every word
you occupy my mind more than i'd like to admit
i miss you when i shouldn't
your smell haunts me along with sad violins
the things we never got to do together
the movie list we never finished
all of the empty promises
broken mugs
ripped pictures
i never got to congratulate you on graduating
or take you to disneyland
you don't know what my new dog looks like
or that i got my first tattoo
i don't really know you anymore
and you don't know me
and i think that makes me more sad than anything
that the person i spent every minute with is someone completely new
i also never got to say thank you
for all of your hugs
the music you showed me
the jokes we had
the times you really did save my life
the times you gave me the reality check i needed
and the times you cleaned my self-inflicted wounds and told me you loved me, you'll never know how much that meant to me
you'd be happy to know i'm two months strong
or would you?
do you even think of me?
i never got to apologize
for the unintentional mean things i said
and the intentional mean things i said
the times i ripped your curtains down
or screamed because i was afraid of losing you
the times i went overboard
all of my unwarranted apologies for feeling inadequate
my jealousy
which have all resulted in losing you
which isn't all my fault
but i'm no innocent bystander
so like i said
i miss you
everything about you
and us
but it all happened for a reason
maybe we were a flame waiting to be blown out
but my love is still there
and even though i won't reach out
and i know you never will either
and the realization that this is the end has set in
i still love you
and miss you
and you'll never fully understand your impact
whether it was good or bad
you were someone that molded me
that changed my course of life
and who knows where i'd be if you hadn't broke my heart
so here's to us
and 2 years of friendship that we never got to celebrate
but God knows i thought about you all day
because i'm sad
and lost
and don't know where to go from here
but i guess this is a start
with my hands typing away
as my heart sinks
and i listen to a playlist that reminds me of nothing but you and our car rides
it's a start
so this isn't goodbye
but a mere remembrance of you
and all of the great things
along with the bad
because maybe if i continue to write to and about the ghost of you
the tears on my pillow will dry faster.