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 May 2018 christiane
Nicole Ann
There's no such thing as forever
if anything there's always a never
Tell me what do you think?
you can't even open up to me
without dousing yourself away on a couple of drinks
Tell me it's me that you need
Tell me that it's me keeping you up on your feet
you shrug it off and just stated how we couldn't be
But I know we could do better
Am I that naive?
maybe blinded by the bliss and the pleasure
you whisper in my ear that you wanted to be apart of me
even when all you ever do is walk all over me
one more drink & you're drowning
you can hear my heart pounding
you're lost into delusion
I find myself lost in your eyes
falling for you with your reckless heart
and you only love me just for one night
I've always have,
and ever will
be stuck on forever
if anything
you remind me that it'll always be never
Don't let Anyone
make You feel
like Holding
onto Forever
is a Must
after all
Everything you
is just Well
arranged Dust
 Apr 2018 christiane
Is it really worth it?
Does loving you out weigh the cons?
You mean everything to me.
But I have these voices in my head
Telling me it's wrong.
These voices make me second guess everything.
I don't know.
What if I'm doing something wrong?
What if you don't really love me?
What if I'm just fooling myself?
What if you're just playing with me?
I've had my heart played with before.
What if this is all just set up for heartbreak?
I can't withstand another break up.
What if?
These voices keep me up at night.
I can barely sleep.
Sometimes I don't sleep at all.
I just lay awake thinking of all the possibilities.
I can hear the voices telling me that you don't like me.
I can hear them saying things that I know aren't true.
But they make me doubt everything.
I don't know what the truth is anymore.
And that scares me.
Every time he opened his mouth,
it was either to kiss or to lie.
Eventually, I got sick of both.
 Apr 2018 christiane
oh how often i stay awake
laying in bed staring at the ceiling
my sister painted for me
when i was
7 years old.

things were different then
my life wasn't cluttered with
catastrophe and agony
as i dealt with everything around me


back again in the same spot as before
my head swims parallel to the ocean floor
as i sit in my room
my thoughts are emptied
and my heart is filled with gloom

my uncle, the man that taught me so much
had passed away from a heart attack on his living room couch
i briefly denied the fact he was dead
he couldn't - he wouldn't - it made no sense in my head
i could have been with him but rather instead
i cried for him in his hospital bed
to wake up

these dark sparked remarks
leave my brain spotted with questions
i answer them quietly as i reflect against my past
when a small unknown sound
shatters the silence in my room
it clatters and pit patters resonating my mind's tomb

my heart has fallen through the floor
and my empty thoughts are no more
i need more sleep
 Apr 2018 christiane
The rose bushes are issuing their consistent melody,
With such unbearable benevolence.
I crave surprising him with their petals, the harmonizing scent blending with the vintage lingerie and a picnic basket full of sweets, freshly cut flowers and writing he inspired.
My life, my soul, the man I love more than I did two seconds ago.
People think that to be alone,

you must feel lonely…

that to stare at a blank wall,

you must be depressed…

that to be listening to nothing,

you must be overwhelmed…

that in order to cry,

you must be sad…

I feel lonely, when people keep on bringing this up.

I feel depressed, when everyone thinks me weird about all this.

I feel overwhelmed, when the world asks me if I’m fine all the **** time

I feel sad… I feel sad to know that I can’t be understood, for being human…

When I need a break from the world,

it is not because I hate it.

It is so that I can keep on loving it,

without having to compromise myself.

Silence is not a disease,

and I am not infected.

It is a gift, a rare offering,

forgive me for enjoying it.
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Thanks millions!
-The Positive Pessimist   {  ):)  }
An ear can break a human heart
as can a word, an eye.
A ****** is inevitable
when perpetuating lies.
"An ear can break a human heart
  As quickly as a spear,
We wish the ear had not a heart
  So dangerously near."
-Emily Dickinson
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