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cherry blossom Sep 2017
sorry, I can't come
why?
I'm not feeling quite well right now.
ok.
ok. /I'm sorry/

I found myself surrounded with such figures
I cannot fully apprehend
now, when I say I'm not feeling well,
I mean I'm stuck in my bed waiting for the day to end
when I say I'm not feeling well,
I mean I cannot function well at the moment
and when I say I'm not feeling well
I mean I cannot go up and make all the self-pity thoughts go away.
now I just feel the need to say sorry
for everything
for how I can't be just a normal kid
for how I afflict in anything
for, even, me just existing.
09/02/17
.
You thought I treated you unkindly
Though I gave my heart to you
My love was real and gentle  
Now my love is gone that's true

It is you that broke our love
Our friendship you refused
I will never forgive you for this

I regret that I forgave you
Letting you feel satisfied
It's you that I hate now
The one I truly despise

I now hate you so deeply
I will never forgive you again
Sadly I love you
Though I hate you
With all my heart
It's hard to explain the feelings I have
cherry blossom Aug 2017
nakita mo ako noon na umiiyak
may nakawala na naman sa higpit ng aking paghawak
hinawakan mo ako noon sa balikat
nakita mo sa mga mata ko
wasak ang mundong kinatatayuan ko
ginawa **** dahilan ang pangyayaring 'yon
para bigyan ako ng pangalan sa buhay mo

Kinupkop mo ako.

pinasilong sa iyong payong
pinayungan mo ako nang akala **** naiiba ako
hinagkan mo ako
pinangalanang "tapat"
tinanggap ko ang alok **** payong
nananabik sa pagtanggap
pagtanggap
isang bagay na pinagkait ng mga kamay na nakawala

Nananabik ako.

kinilala mo ako
binasa na parang librong daladala mo araw araw
naging interesado sa kada buklat ng pahina

Naiintindihan mo na.

lubos ang saya nang makita kitang nagbabasa pa
nananabik akong matapos mo
kilalanin mo ako ng buo
itago sa kung saang lugar na wala nang makakaabot
bigyan mo ako ng rason.

ayan na, malapit ka na sa kabanata
kung saan bumitaw sila
tatlong pahina na, magtiyaga ka sana
dalawang pahina na lang, huminga ng malalim
isang pahina---

saglit, bakit hindi mo pa binubuklat sa huling pahina?

"magpapahinga muna", yan ang sinabi mo
ayos, para may lakas ka para harapin ang kabanata ko

Maghihintay ako
at naghihintay pa rin ako
nakatunganga ako sa labas ng kawalan
hinihintay ang pagbabalik mo
ilang beses ka nang nagpalakad lakad sa harap ko
hindi mo ba ako nakikita?
hindi ka na bumalik
hindi mo na sinubukang bumalik

wala ka pa nga sa kadiliman ko
hindi mo na kinaya ang kwento ko
at muli kitang nasilayan, tumingin nang walang pagsisisi
08/10/17
Para kay
  Aug 2017 cherry blossom
Cloudy Heart
I have knots in my stomach
I feel my fingers slipping slowly
unable to grasp anything or anyone
the crisp, fall air reminds me of the hurt
I am just trying to break free
I feel constricted by my past
these scars will not fade
I feel my past has caused
an unnecessary amount of pain
I should not have to feel
like a shivering, lonely dog
waiting to be loved,
but wondering when that love will leave
I shouldn't have to hate my body
because it was never enough for the wrong person
I shouldn't have to question whether
he loves me
so often in a day
because you never did love me
I shouldn't have to feel like shattered glass
every time I get insecure
because you always wanted something more
even he hates the way you've ruined me
-m.a.
...
  Aug 2017 cherry blossom
Rebel Heart
You say I'm running from myself
I guess you're right
Maybe I am
All I know is that the reason
I hear my heartbeat so clearly
Is because my chest is hollow

I am made up of layers
Too many layers
As if my skin
Was preparing to survive
Out in dead winter at the South Pole

I'm annoying
  I'm distrustful

    I'm stubborn
       And I'm doubtful

           And secretive

Maybe downright manipulative

   But most of all I'm exhausted

Exhausted of the nothingness
   That I float around in
Exhausted of everything
  That comes and goes
    Ensuring chaos
Exhausted of everything and nothing
  And all things in between
         Exhausted of
                     **living
Too tired to live too important to die, guess the story keeps repeating doesn't it?
(Front page 8/14/17)
cherry blossom Jul 2017
you've given up in life so many times,
i wonder when would be the last
07/27/17
Hey.
How are you?
Nice meeting you.
I like you.
You are everything.
I love you.
Forever and always.
We are happy.
...
We were happy.
But then again,
You left me.
You hurt me.
What went wrong?
You got bored?
You broke me.
...
I was broken.
And then suddenly,
You are here.
Out of nowhere,
You came back.
I am sorry.
I was wrong.
One more chance.
Words you've said.
...
Words I've heard,
from your mouth,
full of lies.
Mischief and deceit.
I'm not stupid.
...
I am strong.
I am healing.
Slowly but surely.
And I replied,
You should leave.
Let me be,
Finally moving on.
Starts with Hey.
Ends with goodbye.
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