I knew my father fell out of love with my mother when his jawline began to tighten, and his eyes stopped looking at her, and started looking through her.

A nervous man, he kept to himself on quiet evenings, and not even an affectionate touch could quite wake him from his emotional purgatory; he was a prisoner of his own heart.

I knew my mother fell out of love when she stopped talking about the sky. Never did she point out the broad spectrum of colors that blanketed the canvas sheet dividing the space between earth and heaven.

A once thoughtful woman, my mother took on a very realistic lifestyle, and began extinguishing the fire that burned in her heart. Now she was cold, and now she was dark, and now the sky, once blue and dreamy, was nothing more than a blackened nightmare.

I've never been in love before, but I will pay close attention to my future lovers jawline. I will color him in with the colors of the sky, and I will cover him in kisses made of day dreams and fairy tales.

I've never been in love before, but I know it never lasts.
At least, not while we're imagining a life we'll never have.

TO: THE BOY WITH STARS IN HIS EYES
FROM: THE GIRL WITH SHAKING HANDS

4:01AM
I WENT TO BED AT NINE, AND I’VE BEEN UP SINCE TWO. I HAD THAT DREAM AGAIN, THE ONE I NEVER TELL YOU ABOUT. YOU’RE LEAVING. YOU’RE NOT EVEN HERE, BUT YOU’RE LEAVING ME AGAIN. YOU’VE REALIZED THAT YOU DON’T LOVE ME (OR THAT YOU NEVER DID) AND YOU’RE WALKING OUT A DOOR THAT I’VE NEVER SEEN BUT HAVE GROWN TO FEAR.
4:03AM
I WISH I WAS BRAVE, LIKE YOU. BUT I’M NOT. I’M VERY SCARED AND VERY SMALL, AND I’D LIKE NOTHING MORE THAN TO BE ABLE TO HOLD YOUR HAND, EVEN IF ONLY FOR A MOMENT.
4:06AM
THERE’S NOT A **** STAR IN THE SKY TONIGHT, AND I FIGURE IT’S BECAUSE THEY’RE ALL IN YOUR EYES. I LIKE TO IMAGINE THAT WHEN THINGS GET TOUGH, AND THE NIGHT JUST SEEMS LIKE IT’S BLEEDING BLACK, THAT THE UNIVERSE IS HIDING IN THE BACKS OF YOUR EYES.
4:07AM
I HOPE YOU’LL SING TO ME ONE DAY. I LIKE THE SOUND OF YOUR VOICE.
4:12AM
I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY. ONE OF US NEEDS TO BE. I LIKE TO THINK YOU’RE SMILING. WHENEVER I THINK OF YOU, THERE’S A SMILE ON YOUR FACE. NO MATTER WHAT YOU’RE DOING. WALKING DOWN THE STREET? SMILING. PLAYING YOUR GUITAR? SMILING. IN THAT DREAM, YOU’RE SMILING TOO. THAT’S THE SCARY PART. YOU’VE GOT A PRETTY SMILE, EVEN WHEN YOU’RE BREAKING MY HEART.
4:13AM
THE LIGHTS IN THIS CITY ARE TOO BRIGHT, YOU KNOW. THAT’S WHY I CAN’T SEE YOU. THAT’S WHY YOU AREN’T HERE. I CAN’T SEE THE STARS IN YOUR EYES BECAUSE THE CITY WON’T LET THAT HAPPEN. YOU’RE TOO FAR AWAY, AND YOU’RE TOO DISTANT FOR ME TO GLANCE UP AT YOU WHEN I’D LIKE TO. I CAN’T HEAR YOU.
4:14AM
LOVE IS A CAGE MATCH. THE LAST ONE STANDING WINS. I JUST THOUGHT OF THAT. I JUST THOUGHT OF YOU. I HOPE YOU’RE ALRIGHT. I LOVE YOU.
4:15AM
I’M TIRED. I’M GOING TO BED. HOPE YOU HAVE A GOOD NIGHT. PLEASE DON’T FORGET ME IN YOUR SLEEP.
4:27AM
I CAN’T SLEEP. I CAN’T THINK. I CAN’T ANYTHING. I’M TYPING LIKE A PUPPET RIGHT NOW. I DON’T KNOW WHERE THESE WORDS ARE COMING FROM, BUT ALL I CAN SAY IS THAT I LOVE YOU, AND MY HANDS ARE SHAKING, AND THINGS ARE HARD, BUT I’M HOLDING ON FOR YOU.
4:29AM
I JUST WANT YOU HERE. YOU WOULDN’T HAVE TO TALK OR ANYTHING. I’D JUST WANT YOU TO LAY HERE BESIDE ME. SLEEPING WITH THE STARS. THAT’D BE SOMETHING, WOULDN’T IT? A GIRL CAN DREAM, CAN’T SHE?
4:32AM
SOMETIMES, I START TO THINK ABOUT YOU, AND I START TO CRY. I’M SORRY I’M ****** UP IN ALL THE WRONG WAYS, AND I’M SORRY I’M TOO FAR AWAY TO SHOW YOU HOW MUCH I’VE MISSED YOU.
4:34AM
DO YOU THINK WE’LL EVER REALLY BE IN LOVE? ARE WE ALREADY? HAVE WE EVER BEEN? WHAT HAPPENED? WHAT DIDN’T HAPPEN? IT’S BEEN RAINING A LOT MORE THAN USUAL THIS SUMMER.
4:40AM
*I LOVE YOU. I HOPE YOU LOVE ME TOO. IF NOT, THEN I GUESS I’LL STILL KEEP LOVING YOU.
THAT’S ALL I’M GOOD AT, FOR THE TIME BEING. SITTING UP AT NIGHT, WATCHING THE STARS, CRYING FOR NO REASON, AND WISHING FOR YOU.

My friends all think I'm crazy because I stand in the middle of the street and talk to a God that doesn't exist while high-fiving the windshields of passing school buses. I stopped taking my medication again because guilt taste a lot better than artificial happiness, and I stopped wearing that cross you bought me for my eight birthday because it contradicted the sense of uselessness I received for my twelfth. Life seems a lot less precious when you're talking to your parents in the TV room of a psychiatric unit and look them in the eyes while they tell me not to cry and say that 'pain is only temporary'. All I do is write letters to a man on the moon about the time I realized how hard and easy it is to die. Send me to therapy and make me take pills. I'll smile, but I'll always remember how to tie a noose

Zinc is needed to help support the body's immune system, as well as encourage human growth, meaning that without it, defenses and growth are stunted

I met a boy named Zinc
correction
I met a man named Zinc
correction
I met a man who called himself 'Z' even though his parents still called him 'boy' and named him Zinc, because Neon
was too flamboyant and Iron was too tasteless, and who on earth names their kid 'Oxygen', right?

ANYWAY:

It's worth noting that Z liked everyone, meaning A-X, and I was left wondering why he seemed to like girls who waved with the backs of their hands and not the palms, and why the only time he spoke to me was if I wouldn't leave him alone, and why it's obvious to those around him that lights are flashing in the eyes of 'why'-
correction
-'Y'-
correction
-ME when he noticed the stars I stole from the night in an attempt to spell his name out for the Gods but he was too busy hoping to catch the attention of the Devil and I hope she breaks his heart so he knows what it's like to wake up feeling empty because you gave your all to a person with a gambling problem, and I...
...don't make sense anymore.

ALRIGHT

I met a man who called himself 'Z' even though his parents still called him 'boy' and named him Zinc, and he didn't like the chain around my neck, but he let me wear it because it reminded him of hope, which he had lost when he was young, but had vicariously experienced through me. Just kidding.
Her.
Capital 'H', lowercase '-er', silent 'she's not going to love you like I will'...

I LIED

he doesn't know I wear a cross (or used to) because he's too busy falling in love with the fact that she's got daggers in her eyes and she knows how to dance to all his favorite songs, while I only know the lyrics to them all, and maybe she won't break his heart but she sure as hell won't be gentle with it either because girls like me write about girls like her and girls like her burn books about boys like him.

I'm not sure what this poem is about. Or why it is the way it is. That's a lie.
I know, but I can't say I want to anymore...

TO BE CONTINUED...

actually, my mother never told me about boys like you. she never said anything about boys at all. all i knew is that i had to be careful around them. she never told me that their "i love yous" are just words and not metaphors they see in your eyes. she never told me that them kissing you is just to **** your soul out and leave you dry. empty. desolate. and she sure as hell never told me that their hugs are only so they could play checkers on your spine. you see, some of us have allowed others to come in through the front and out through the back and well, your heart is the front door and you're so distorted they backslide out the same way they came in. he should've said good morning and never good night. he should've never sat down, he broke the chairs. you see, you're just standing on ice and your problems weigh too ******* much. you should've told him that seat wasn't for him. you should've told him it's been used and used and used and now it's worn out. you should have warned him that you haven't been taking care of yourself lately and the books you've collected throughout the years are filled with pollen. you should have told him that the footprints on the floors aren't of those who have fallen in love with you but rather have come in and walked all over you. when you introduced him to your mother, you should have noticed that no he wasn't smiling, he was smirking. and also, you should have noticed that your mother wasn't trembling because she was happy for you but rather because she feared for you. when you walked off with him, you should have n,oticed when he started rubbing your back and he never ******* held your hand. you should've noticed when you were aching in bed, you were actually dreaming about yourself. you're aching now aren't you. AREN'T YOU. my mother never warned me about boys like those. she never told me that they come inside you and play hopscotch on the bed sheets. you should've noticed the first time he told you he loves like a playground. you should've noticed when he said he loves playing "Don't Step On The White Tiles." you should've noticed when he told you he spent his lifetime playing board games. oh what does your heart print look like now?