You let me ******* die,
you *******.
Don’t you understand?
I told you I was dying
You saw it in my eyes before you left
You saw it in the bottle of pills I handed you.
You saw it in my face when you made me promise
not to do anything stupid.
I KNOW YOU SAW ME DYING.
But you left.
You ******* left and I called yound you got on twitter and talked to your friends
instead of driving the 15 minutes to save my life because
If I had died, it’d be a load off your back.
You knew that if I left
You wouldn't have to bear the things I said
the ways I hurt you that you told me never bothered you.
Did you want to deal with the guilt of my death on your hands?
I told you it wasn't your fault
but you know it is.
I am beautiful and this is your ******* fault.
You let me die and I will forever be
the ghost on your hands.

"I love you"
My whisper shakes the ground
And my heart quakes the earth.
I’ve met a lot of boys in my life,
And very few men.
Many of them have made an impact
On my life now, and I bet not
One of them knows it.

There was #1 that was never the best
I’m sure even at that age, he only wanted a girls chest.
But he was cooler than me, with a scar above his eye.
We sat on the swings as he told me goodbye.
Him leaving me made me sigh.

#2 was a tool, but aren’t they all?
We were all used and abused,
But we volunteer for the fall.
I broke him once, his payback was fierce.
Him leaving me left me in tears.

#3 was a stranger
But hey, he was cute.
He turned around and told me,
“I think I like you”
I was enamored, of course,
I was young.
We ran around the playground
And told them all of our news
But it seems I’d forgotten,
I had to move.

#4 was naive, but so was I
Who would think to give it
A fifth try?

#5 was my best friend
Hilarious and cute
But I guess I didn’t understand
The meaning of abuse.
I was a little too rough,
And a little too mean.
But I never made an effort
Until I found him with ****.

#6 was a Mexican
I’d become attached
We met at a party, when I thought I met my match
Turns out it was him,
And certainly not his friend
Who I couldn’t seem to
Remember his name.
We lasted a long time,
He was my first love
But, you see, I’m a **** up.
I did him wrong.

#7 wasn’t long,
Nor did it last
But it didn’t stop him from
Keeping his hand in my pants.
I was too young to understand
I’m not sure he did either
But he started a chain
I should have taken a breather.
I wasn’t fun
And he didn’t like that
But I wasn’t ready
And that was that.

#8 was the domino
Tipped over by #7
Except that I thought this guy
Was my heaven.
Turns out, in the end,
I figured out much
I was quite stupid,
He wasn’t enough.

#9 was my angel,
My lover, my world.
When I thought about him
I tilted and whirled.
But I didn’t realize
Our life was a mess
And the love of my life
left me in a mess.
I broke, and I popped,
But that wasn’t enough to sway me
I created problems that couldn’t even
Be fixed by therapy.
It took me a year to get back to myself
But don’t think that stopped me
From finding someone else.

The third boy I loved
Taught me what love is.
To appreciate the world
And love it as it currently is.
I loved that hippie
With all of my heart,
But some people
Just can’t stay a part.

There was one more guy
Who told me he cared
And ****** me in
With all that he had.
He used those big eyes
And poked at my heart,
But little did I know
He too, would depart.
But it wasn’t him who left,
It was me.
Not even the songs he wrote
Could fix me.

*(r.e.)

i’m feeling sorry
for the things i am not
like maybe if i was
long-boarding when we met
you wouldn't have had to push me along.
maybe if i didn't hate drugs
my favorite night would be different.
we could have been smoking in your room
while your cat clawed my legs
instead of arguing about who’s
music to listen to next.
maybe if i wasn't so scared
to have a little fun
i could still be there with you
but i was terrified and you wanted
everything i was not.

*(r.e.)

I don’t know if I want you to go away
Or crawl right back to me but
You’ve taken me to the highest places
I’ve soared and the lowest places
I’ve drug my body across.
I scraped my knees to love you and my lungs popped to see you
But do I dare dive into the pool again
And risk exposing my bone?

*(r.e.)

Tonight I’m lying in bed
Forcing the sad to come back
Listening to songs I can relate to
And reading poetry that burns
I’m trapped in a cold sweat
And there is nothing that
Could ever stop me from drowning
Because I ******* miss you
And I told you that I don’t
And you think you’re bothering me now
And I think you’re too busy for me
But the truth is:
Working on yourself is never going to work.
You’re not going anywhere
And without me that’s the truth
I’m stuck with your fate in my palms
And hiding in the folds of my brain
While you’re without a care in the world
You have no idea is yours
How are you going to go on
Without your sanity in hand?

I’m not even sure what happened
But I felt so at home with you.
It’s been months but whenever
You speak, all I can think about
Is your bed
Being in your arms
That silly cat that kept
Clawing my legs.
You said I made you feel sane.
So why give up a feeling you’ve never had because you didn’t want love?
I guess you didn’t understand.
I never judged you.
I was just trying to help.
My future, your future.
I wanted what was best for our future.
Us. Together.
Maybe if I would have feel asleep in that bed -
My sleepy heart almost stopped that night -
Maybe then you would have understood that
I never wanted to change you,
I loved your imperfections
Because they made you
You.
I should have made you understand.
I shouldn’t have let the house burn down.
I should have saved us that day

*(r.e.)

I knew he was the one when
He wanted to grow plants with me.
He didn't want to buy me a rose,
He wanted to grow me a garden.
The offspring of our joined love
And a living representation
Of our beauty.

the last i heard of you
you weren’t even trying
to get sober.
last you heard of me
i’m in college now
pursuing my career.
i still contemplate
your empty promises,
but now i scoff.
how could i have been
so blind?
you’ll never change for me
and you’ll never change
even for yourself.
as your body breaks
mine grows a new form -
one that no longer requires you.
i used to cry, thinking i missed
out on true love
and now i lay in the arms of
someone who loves me more
while you lay in a box.
i’ve broken out
and you’ve been nailed in

*(r.e.)

Why was I the one that got left behind?
Why didn’t you feel like I did?
You said you had a hard time letting the others go,
But why didn’t I burn that kind of hole in your brain?
How did you let me go with the wind,
And how did I let you do that?
I felt at home in your arms like the first time in forever.
I don’t know what drew me to you
Or why it was what I avoided in everyone else,
But when you held me my soul caught fire
and I’m not sure how to put it out

*(r.e.)