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I returned back to the same home I used to know,
Oh boy, it feels familiar but I'm not so sure if it's good thing.
My first few steps back inside I heard some creaks on the floor in a silent room filled with dust on some brand new furniture
I mean, how is that even possible?
I take a few steps forward as the door behind me closes..
"is this the right choice?"
Pictures on the frames take so little amount of space in the house but somehow they constantly remind me of the past..
Of what this house used to be.
So I tore them off.
I tore them all off the walls so that all you can see is the clear empty walls, looking cleaner and more innocent with a hole where the nail used to be.
I'm not sure if it even looks better.
But I shoved the frames in a box, beneath my bed..
So why is it every time I take a stroll in the house it smells the same, and every time I sleep at night, I feel something hiding under my bed..
I mean, let's be more direct.
You were my home.
But I don't know who you even are anymore...
Cause every time I want to smile, I hear the picture frames knocking on my door, telling me I shouldn't.
Every time I think of coming home, I stop by every store just to make sure I have all the different frames so I can hide that nasty hole on the wall that the nail left behind..
But every time I did that, I couldn't tell if I was redesigning my home or lying to myself.
Tell me, what makes this one so different?
Is it a even a second chance.. or the seventh chance?
The ghosts of you don't creep behind me, it's the knives on my back and I can't tell..
Tell me, are they still there?
Or am I reminiscing about the past, feeling on the scars that I can't see, hoping one day I'm able to study every curve and every mark of where I went wrong that caused me to carry them for the rest of my life..
I mean tell me, because if I can't trace my steps back to the time I've twisted the door **** and walked right in without studying the room or listening to these same empty walls.. would I still be alive?
Or would you have killed me with the same knives that's already deeply rooted into my spine..
you say you love me but it sounds the same.
****! That ******* knocking is getting louder, it won't leave me alone.
Sometimes, we don't learn our lessons.
I still taste your bitterness on my tongue,
The reality became too hard to swallow.
Somehow the days we shared together became weeks, turned into months, and then years..
I remember everything about you.
How couldn't I?
The way your forehead knotted with frustration,
The way your eyes lit up with passion,
The way you uncomfortably smiled through agonizingly awkward situations,
The way your voice got deeper when you got serious,
The way your nose wrinkled as you woke up..
And the way... the way our eyes met, followed with a smirk in a room full of people.
You always knew how to make me weak to my knees, but also back on my feet.
Because see, I might've loved you so much that I forgotten myself.
I might've swung between hope and despair in your slightest gesture..
But the intensity of how I felt for you, will no longer tolerate what you showed your love to be like. A gamble.
I thought of myself as deranged.
I mean, how couldn't I?
I didn't want to live the rest of my life without you, but I also didn't want to live the rest of my life with what you've given me.
I guess It's safe to say that the one who won this fateful war in my heart, is whomever I loved more.
The face of his love was meant to build, but the content was made to deteriorate me. I never knew that I could ever lose myself, until I found you.
As I sit infront of the mirror,
Tears flood my face
"This is the last time" I thought to myself.
This is the last time I will ever cry for you,
The last time I will ever be this broken,
This is the last time I will ever love you.
I smiled and said to my reflection..
"Chin up, you pathetic thing. Cherish this moment with pride.. Because this is the last time you will feel this way."
It may have never been enough,
It may have been in pieces,
****, It may even have been the worst you've ever gotten..
But I gave you the best parts of me.
I gave you all of what's left of me.
Broke my heart open to shed a new light,
Freedom seeks me,
But fright latched on,
Victim of a crime,
but charged like a prisoner.
Your love is cheap,
your love was fraud.
Deception was the objective.
Emptiness, sadness and desperation had long departed.
The mind had been lost,
the heart had been shattered,
Pieces had been forgotten.
Trampled on, like a stampede in a zoo
All kinds of creatures,
beautiful, fierce, and over seen.
Lies, manipulation, and regrets...
Was it all for nothing?
Stronger than before,
but weaker by default.
In need of saving in this never ending tribulations.
Definition of seeking obstacles.
A soul's greatest desire,
but the heart's wont comply.
A friend, and a foe...
A walking paradox.
It's been two whole months since I've last seen your face.
That's 61 days, 1464 hours, 87840 minutes, 5 270 400 seconds, and for every aching moment...
I just sit back and devour the pain, hoping that it will all go away.

— The End —