I’d love to experience that unconditional love
Living in a big commune
Boys as much hippie as girls

I’d love to experience a thing
That I have never had
No mom, no dad
To say you misbehaved
You made me feel ashamed

Just us
Love, trust
Lust

maybe
that would mean "happy"

Strangulation marks on necks
Tendon scars on wrists
Someone wants them near
Who is the normal one out of here?

They are the ones who bring on troubles
The ones who are troubled
Doubting, scared, tabooed
Pills and needles; we’re subdued

White robe opening the blinds
Who is this guy
Let in some light
Into this shady existence

They are the ones who are distanced
Brought to the state of nonexistence
Something’s wrong in mechanism
Of playing a certain role
In this world

And no way to repair
They are there
And still they are not there

Stumbling, crying, wanking
Cutting, suffocating
Fighting, hating
Forever waiting…

They can now stop from doing this
They’re masters of their flesh and bone
But what is it like to live a life like this
To fight and be fought when you’re left all alone

‘Human life is beyond reason
We are just small pieces, you know’
‘Grains of sand, you know’
‘You don’t seem to understand
I can see it in your eyes, girl’

Then you put your hand
With a cigarette in it to your lips
‘You know, how it seems to me?’ - you say
‘Everything good we had in life now slips…
Please, turn the music up a little bit
My favorite one, heard it before?
Oh, no? you don’t say so!
I should now say ‘get up and go’!
Sorry, you know it – I’m just kidding… I am!
As long as I live I’ll show you the best music, my friend…
This is all that matters in the end’

‘Wanna do something more
Wanna help orphan kids, you know
Guys dying from cancer and aids, you know
But I only keep on buying milk and hotdogs
For the homeless one sleeping at my door…’

‘Wanna do something more
I’VE GOT TO do something more!
We all are selfish, kid, you know
You do know it for sure
Can’t help the others
So, the others won’t help us’


And I…
I just kept listening
I kept on listening and listening
All my attention given to your feelings
In words
And I don’t hesitate to say
I found a soulmate in you
And still I wasn’t that pure
Simply inside my head
Caring
About what we have and had
Comparing
The present and the past
People in general
And our own being at last…

And I was dialing your number
For the whole next day
The voicemail kept on telling
You had gone away

You were so smart; you were so kind
Understanding and ahead of your time
I can’t believe you are gone now
Where?
– I don’t know
I only know forever
Can’t even tell you come back, please
I only know
I will
Forever
Keep you
in my memories

As the leaves fell down from the trees
it took over me
someone's going overseas
but it took over me

though the lines are being written on the sheats
it took over me
in a state of wait for winter where the autumn leads
it took over me

and i'm down then i'm up then again down
and my mood in vicious circle's going round and round
and some feministic guy would say i've got my period
but as a girl i know  exactly what it's like and this is truly not

beauty outside of my window
but inside it feels like mess
and i'm gloomy and i'm crying like a widow
for those summer days at rest

and every leaf that falls down on the ground
makes a sound that i can hear like razor makes a wound
and im down then im up then im again down
and my boyfriend's such a nice guy and wants to  stop me frown
but i guess whoever was it he'd get tired of playing a clown
and i want him understand tryna make it tender
that this is not gonna go till it's december

cause the leaves fall down and make me cry make me grown
make me cough make me sigh
guy just wait a little while....


there's no one to blame
but it's so hard to tame
my temper
untill it is December
i said this season
it took over me
i said the reason
why sometimes i weep
not so deep
it's on the surface
of the leaves
that keep on covering the ground
all around...
and around...
and around...

15:16 13.10.2017
I'm a snow white from non-disney land
I come from a place which they call a dead end
I'd gone to a city where I lied in the sand
And though It looked quite pretty I looked indifferent

I made up my mind that I'd never find
Someone who deserves to be called the right guy
But when I come of age I strongly decide
A man only lives his life to fight

And I'd fought opinions of my mom and my dad
And If I didn't have a courage I'd probably now be dead
Cause I refused to live without something they wouldn't let
Thank God the've got such a democratic mind-set

And I've got a ticket, I believed it was one way
Though my parents hoped i would soon be back again
And here the journey starts and here's the track
The snowland and another places I went
And at last another dead end...

I ran a visious circle for sure
I took a lot of medicine to cure
Cause I felt i couldn't do without youth
That I've longed for so much pure and true
And eventially it made me sick and mad
But about this it's too early to be said

Well, eventually we met
Though we had used to chat long hours on the net
And no minute of our relationship felt bad
And I kinda got rid of being sad

And you took the photos of me by your FAD
And we went to different places hand in hand
I bet you never saw me anxious or upset
And you didn't show an anger or regret

Once I let you kiss me on a cheek
At that moment i can tell i felt unique
Though my knees became a little weak
With you I no more felt like if i was a freak

But i kept on taking pills
I guess more than I took meals
Like was driving with no wheels
Still you kept giving me chills

And we started dating
I'd been so much waiting
And you took me to your native town
And you showed me all around

But all the now and again i would start to shake
i was too shy and too afraid
I guess it was my mistake
The more the pills the more i take
To make me numb and fake
For all those people who wanted to make acquaintace
To whom I couldn't even pronounce a sentence
And once again i felt as if i was a freak
Strong by your side, without you weak
Crying my eyes out, holding my pillow
And waiting from work for my hero