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Alyalyna Jan 2018
I’d love to pour out all of my anger
Tell the whole world who you’ve been dating lately
Tell the whole world who you’ve been cheating on baby
In what filthy things you’ve been participating
Should I remind you I embraced you daily
And now you’re acting shady
And kind of shocking and maybe
I ******* with a wrong person
But I was
Completely into our friendship
Indeed, I loved you
You said I ruined it
I say you ruined me
I helped you out a thousand times
Now will you help me out of all this ****
Who’s now a piece of crap
Who’s now to blame
Why didn’t you tell everything?
You’re struggling now for your fame
That’s why you’re so late
With all your blames
And when your so called diva moment comes down
You’re gonna understand how much you were wrong
Alyalyna Dec 2017
The name of the poem (s0 called): Kid with a borderline personality disorder needs some help or “bye bye” then

Sometimes it’s hard to be me
Feels like I lose my identity
And I’m fighting with my own self
Sometimes to death

And it seems like eternity
I say I mean it, indeed
This is a real struggle of me and me and
Not many people seem to understand

When I say
Sometimes I’m straight
Sometimes I’m gay
Grandma says what she’s supposed to say

“I never heard someone say
When I was at your age”
But honestly I’ve never been engaged
At times I feel I need to be fixed
My papa’s sure I need some kicks
On my ***
No more no less…

Talks to my dearest mom lead
To “You need to find a job, kid”
“Boy, what’s wrong with this
This is simply how the life is”

Sometimes I feel like I am someone else
Start making up, painting my nails
Sometimes I feel like I am a complete mess
Look up at the ceiling, lying on a bare mattress

Crying my eyes out
Longing the whole world to be dead
Shout out loud
All of my hatred

And then again:

A rollercoaster of my mood gets down
I ask myself who I am
The answer comes and makes me frown
In this big world I’m on my own…
On my own
All alone
Alyalyna Dec 2017
I’d love to experience that unconditional love
Living in a big commune
Boys as much hippie as girls

I’d love to experience a thing
That I have never had
No mom, no dad
To say you misbehaved
You made me feel ashamed

Just us
Love, trust

that would mean "happy"
Alyalyna Nov 2017
Strangulation marks on necks
Tendon scars on wrists
Someone wants them near
Who is the normal one out of here?

They are the ones who bring on troubles
The ones who are troubled
Doubting, scared, tabooed
Pills and needles; we’re subdued

White robe opening the blinds
Who is this guy
Let in some light
Into this shady existence

They are the ones who are distanced
Brought to the state of nonexistence
Something’s wrong in mechanism
Of playing a certain role
In this world

And no way to repair
They are there
And still they are not there

Stumbling, crying, wanking
Cutting, suffocating
Fighting, hating
Forever waiting…

They can now stop from doing this
They’re masters of their flesh and bone
But what is it like to live a life like this
To fight and be fought when you’re left all alone
Alyalyna Nov 2017
You show me your love
In such a delicate way
Then you ruin it all
Then you build it up again.

Heart-shaped bruises
Cover my body,
You say without you
I'm nonsense, nobody.

I'd never been so much in love
I know now it'll last long
They say you're pretty tough
I say our love - it's strong

You show me your love
When I ask you to
You are unpredictable
My eden apple

Poisoning and punishing
But you're never vanishing
You're the last who stays
When all of them turn away
On my darkest days

you are the last out here
you punish but you never dissapear
i need you so much near
my baby, my dear...
Alyalyna Nov 2017
‘Human life is beyond reason
We are just small pieces, you know’
‘Grains of sand, you know’
‘You don’t seem to understand
I can see it in your eyes, girl’

Then you put your hand
With a cigarette in it to your lips
‘You know, how it seems to me?’ - you say
‘Everything good we had in life now slips…
Please, turn the music up a little bit
My favorite one, heard it before?
Oh, no? you don’t say so!
I should now say ‘get up and go’!
Sorry, you know it – I’m just kidding… I am!
As long as I live I’ll show you the best music, my friend…
This is all that matters in the end’

‘Wanna do something more
Wanna help orphan kids, you know
Guys dying from cancer and aids, you know
But I only keep on buying milk and hotdogs
For the homeless one sleeping at my door…’

‘Wanna do something more
I’VE GOT TO do something more!
We all are selfish, kid, you know
You do know it for sure
Can’t help the others
So, the others won’t help us’

And I…
I just kept listening
I kept on listening and listening
All my attention given to your feelings
In words
And I don’t hesitate to say
I found a soulmate in you
And still I wasn’t that pure
Simply inside my head
About what we have and had
The present and the past
People in general
And our own being at last…

And I was dialing your number
For the whole next day
The voicemail kept on telling
You had gone away

You were so smart; you were so kind
Understanding and ahead of your time
I can’t believe you are gone now
– I don’t know
I only know forever
Can’t even tell you come back, please
I only know
I will
Keep you
in my memories
Alyalyna Oct 2017
As the leaves fell down from the trees
it took over me
someone's going overseas
but it took over me

though the lines are being written on the sheats
it took over me
in a state of wait for winter where the autumn leads
it took over me

and i'm down then i'm up then again down
and my mood in vicious circle's going round and round
and some feministic guy would say i've got my period
but as a girl i know  exactly what it's like and this is truly not

beauty outside of my window
but inside it feels like mess
and i'm gloomy and i'm crying like a widow
for those summer days at rest

and every leaf that falls down on the ground
makes a sound that i can hear like razor makes a wound
and im down then im up then im again down
and my boyfriend's such a nice guy and wants to  stop me frown
but i guess whoever was it he'd get tired of playing a clown
and i want him understand tryna make it tender
that this is not gonna go till it's december

cause the leaves fall down and make me cry make me grown
make me cough make me sigh
guy just wait a little while....

there's no one to blame
but it's so hard to tame
my temper
untill it is December
i said this season
it took over me
i said the reason
why sometimes i weep
not so deep
it's on the surface
of the leaves
that keep on covering the ground
all around...
and around...
and around...
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