Your hand slipped away from mine
So, so cold as autumn leaves
And that cold, cold morning wine
And the handguns of thieves.

Reaching out I saw you go
So, so still as naked trees
And that same old morning glow
And the nests that hold the bees.

What did I do to set you off?
What do I have to do,
To get you off my mind?
It's winter, its cold outside.
Staring into your big doe eyes.
Why did it bring back,
The dizzying highs?
Feels like I've been here, all my life.
Throwing rocks at your window.
But you didn't open them,
Not tonight.
The glass shattered, but I am fine.
Right?
But if angels don't cry,
Then why do the skies weep?
And if God is merciful,
Why is his silence so deep?

"In 21 days you will not cry anymore" they said.
Still I feel like a knife is inside of me and I can't escape.
My first broken heart,
"the most painful but the most helful" they exclamed.
My first broken heart, and I'm feeling like the world is going to end.
My first broken heart, why he did that to me?
My first broken heart, did he really loved me?
My first broken heart, I can't stop dreaming about him.
My first broken heart, please don't leave me.
My first broken heart, I don't want you in my dreams. It hurts me
My first broken heart, I'm drowning on my own tears.
My first broken heart, I can't even sleep now.
My first broken heart, I swear I love you, I'm sorry that you hurt me.
My first broken heart, I hate you, but I love you and I hate myself now.
My first broken heart, She was my friend.
My first broken heart, maybe this pills helps me sleep.
My first broken heart, where is my ****?
My first broken heart, my blood is turning into alcohol.
My first broken heart, he's not the boy I thought he were.
My first broken heart:
"Mama he's a good guy, he really is, but I don't know why he did that to me"  I said.
"If he did that to you then he wasn't good. Deceptions are so painful, baby girl. I swear you're gonna find someone good. Someone who only loves you" She hugged me till I cry into my sleep.

mental illness is the
most expensive thing
i've ever owned but
never wanted

Burning the last of her
             to be their only source of light.

I have memorized every inch of him
in hopes that when he goes
I might still have something left

but his picture fades with everyday
and now I have only shapes and shadows
of the man that I love

When I was five,
my mother told me I was loved.
Years later, she asked me to leave because
I was the reminder of the gruesome past that haunted her.

When I was ten,
my father told me he believed in me.
Years later, he refused to accompany me because
I was an embarrassment to him in front of the society.

When I was fifteen,
my friends told me I was funny.
Years later, they all laughed at me because
I was the gullible teenager who fell for their flawless façade.

When I was twenty,
this guy said I was beautiful.
Years later, he trashed me, tormented me because
I was ignorant enough to overlook my inevitable flaws.

So, sorry for not believing in you,
for questioning your intentions, inclusively, in-depth
when you told me you loved me because
I didn’t want to wind up years later,
learning it the hard way that people often don’t mean what they say.