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amanda cooper Dec 2021
you were confused by the difference
between ****** and heroine
but you loved to do them both,
hoping that one of them would
finally take you away
i really tried to save you, but i failed at playing god

december 17, 2021
inspired by "929" by halsey:
"lost the love of my life to an ivory powder, but then i realize that i'm no higher power. that i wasn't in love then, and i'm still not now, and i'm so happy i figured that out."
amanda cooper Nov 2021
you know, it's funny; tonight i was driving back to an empty apartment and one of your songs for me came through the speakers a bit too loud, just the way you liked it. the one about the girl who fled virginia for the west coast and the desperation to keep her close, mentioning the kempsville back roads and the boardwalk that we used to drive around ourselves. you said it was going to happen, i was going to leave virginia and you with it and flee to the pacific. and it's funny; you were right. i did exactly that, no matter how many times i tried to laugh at your vision of my future. you were always right.

and what's even more funny: you live further west than i ever have, surrounded by the mountains i am desperate to see, and i'll be returning to that commonwealth i was desperate to get away from. and it's almost a poetic justice. that i'm going back and you're the one half a world away. but this time, i won't be climbing through the windows of houses on indian river road anymore, or packing bongs in the snow in a greenbrier backyard, or watching the curls that would spill over that gentle curve of your lip in that house off of lynnhaven where we first met. no, i'll get to see the gentle curves of the east coast mountains, perhaps softer than yours ever were. i'll watch cherry blossoms fall soft and sweet, better than the way i fell for you. and you'll be in some spotlight in anchorage, making her laugh harder than i ever did. and that's okay with me.
full title: you were the one all moonshine and drawl, but i get appalachia and you get alaska.

i still have the notebook you gave me when you told me to never stop writing. signed, your babygirl.
well here i am, writing to you, my most special muse. i hope you're happy out there; i really do.

inspired by "california gold rush" by audiostrobelight and the poetic prose i used to write.
11/11/2021. (make a wish.)
amanda cooper Oct 2021
i used to see signs of your
indiscretions and always read
them as directions of where i
should run, and it always said
that i should run away from you

i learned the taste of blood from
the way that i would bite my
tongue to stop from speaking my mind,
and it always tasted like metal
giving way and folding under pressure
09/24/2021
amanda cooper Oct 2021
i am your favorite little **** up
your favorite mess to clean up
the dirt you sweep under your rug
09/26/2021.
amanda cooper Sep 2021
there's something tragic,
something poetic,
something nostalgic
about the way i still hang
onto every word you said

onto the way that you would
bury your face into my hair

onto the time that you bought
me a drink from across the
room at her art show


there's something tragic,
something poetic,
something nostalgic
about my visceral reaction
every time i hear your name

every time i drink tea in the
afternoon on a chilly day

every time i walk down the
road where you carried me
home when i had too much


there's something tragic,
something poetic,
something nostalgic
about you
playing it on repeat.
09/06/2021.

"Have you no idea that you're in deep? I've dreamt about you nearly every night this week. How many secrets can you keep? 'Cause there's this tune I found that makes me think of you somehow and I play it on repeat until I fall asleep, spillin' drinks on my settee.

Do I wanna know if this feeling flows both ways? Sad to see you go; was sorta hopin' that you'd stay. Baby, we both know that the nights were mainly made for sayin' things that you can't say tomorrow day.

Crawlin' back to you; ever thought of callin' when you've had a few? 'Cause I always do. Maybe I'm too busy bein' yours to fall for somebody new. Now, I've thought it through, crawlin' back to you."
amanda cooper Aug 2021
you're just a ghost roaming these halls
that i don't walk down anymore
my favorite crypt keeper in a vacant mausoleum
they'd call it haunted if it was ever anything at all

maybe you're in the dust that
shakes from the old books,
coating these lungs of mine and
staying with me after i leave
or maybe you're the wax on old candles
waiting for the flame to reignite
so you can melt into a puddle all over my floor
"i don't care what you think just as long as it's about me"
08/13/2021.
amanda cooper May 2021
you loved to buy me a bottle of wine
to drink within a night so you could
taste the chemicals on my lips
i asked you to call me in the morning
but you only ever called me broken
then wondered how i ever came to be that way
you used me to cut yourself along my jagged edges,
push me away when i would try to stop the bleeding
but you loved to hurt you and me and everyone else

you only write words across checks that your heart can't cash
05/10/2021.
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