Dear whoever:

To Whom It May Concern:

I’m writing this to let you know-

I can’t-

One filled up bin

One wrecked notebook

One hundred crumpled pages later

My throat is so tight

My hands are bleeding

My eyes are sore

How do I tell them?

Am I too sick to care?

Am I too sick to recover?

“You have so many reasons to live”

Yet those reasons seem to be a fiction you feed to me whilst you write notes down into your leather-bound journal

My head is such a mess that all the wounds in it continue to tear and open

At this point there is no possibility of being stitched up

Rejection after rejection

Loss after loss

I felt hopeful for 2 hours earlier today and then got an email reminding me that I am just not quite good enough

“So when is the last time you genuinely felt happy”

Maybe it was when I was 7 or 8 and sat on the grass building make-believe worlds the suns gentle warmth pressed lightly against my back, knowing I could cry and people would listen because I was young and still had so much to learn

I long for that blissful naivety of being young

And though I know I am still young (ish) , I am not young enough

And so many people stripped me of my youth way too soon because being a teenager you’re told to aspire to act grown up which wore me out so much

That those days were still filled with

One filled up bin

One wrecked notebook

One hundred crumpled pages later

I never intended to live this long.

it doesn't take much
to be a true friend

it doesn't take years
to do something right

it doesn't take much strength
to reach out and help

it does take a real villian
to hurt those who care

it takes vile crudeness
to make one feel dead


or long to be

I'm done with living
So game over,
And goodbye~

It’s crazy to realize

No one cares about you

You’re not important

This fact has proven true

You’re not special or different

Friendships formed are simply convenient

They hold no significants or mean anything

Funny. Since we think they mean everything

No one cares about you

Especially your peers

If only you knew

It’d spare you lots of tears

People only care about themselves

as sad as it is to say

You mean nothing.

And neither do they.

-md

I just hope someday he'll find someone to love him
Because I certainly won't
I'm cold