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May 2020 · 255
I Love You, Mom
Alex May 2020
You have the prettiest eyes.
Your intelligence makes you even more beautiful.
I love how you never get tired of my silliness.
I love that you love my humor.

When we are apart it makes me happy to think about how you'll always support me from afar.
In hard times you offer valuable insight into the eyes of a mother.

The moment you decided to have kids, you took the oath of a mother, and I will forever be grateful that it was your arms God placed me in.
Gifted to my mom along with a bouquet, a balloon, chocolate covered strawberries, and some of her favorite coffee for Mother's Day 2020
Apr 2020 · 146
#5
Alex Apr 2020
#5
I need to get buzzed
                              Drunk
                      ­              High
I need to erase
                     Hide
                         Disappear
I need to break
                    Crumble
                             Fall
Apr 2020 · 131
#4
Alex Apr 2020
#4
Uneasy
      Falling
            Tumbling
                     Continuous
                               Movement
                                          Bottomless
   ­                                                  Pain
                                                         Crashing
                                                        ­        To
                                                      ­            Oblivion
Dec 2017 · 471
Capable of Murder
Alex Dec 2017
In the beginning, everything was normal.
He picked me up, wearing a suit and bow tie,
We drove through town in his red car.
His dark blue eyes reminding me of the night sky
When the light shown into them making stars.

I think I am in love. We keep driving.
Down the interstate ramp, going at least ninety.
Into the night we fly, town after town.
Finally, he takes an exit into a small town.

He took me to a motel, threw me on the bed.
Cut my arms open, and did the same
To what lay under my flower dress.
He stuffed me like a doll, with pieces of himself.
We stained the sheets with *** and blood.

"I'll take care of you forever," he said.
My head goes soft. I know what's coming.
He flips me to my stomach, hand around my throat,
I feel his body pressed against mine.

I claw at his arm, trying to get him to let go.
His grip tightens, my breath is nearly gone.
All goes black. As I awake I notice a red light.
And motion. He's taking me somewhere.
The motion stops, the red lights turn off.

The trunk opens, I look up into his face.
I try to speak, to ask why, but no sound comes out.
He lifts my body from the trunk, crazy in his eyes.
He whispers, "We're the same, no control."
My head lolls back, too exhausted to hold it up.

He sets me in a bed of pine needles and mud.
I watch him walk away, close my eyes.
I hear the footsteps return, open my eyes.
I am squinting into the barrel of a gun.

Bang.
I feel the life drain from my body.
My soul is floating, my mind drifting into the black.
I relax into the earth.
He waits until my breathing slows to a stop.

I have lain here for days,
The sun quickening the rotting of my flesh.
My ribcage holds dirt and weeds,
My limbs are dead and dried.

No one has come to listen to my story,
But I know without a doubt, someone will come.
They will hear me. They will help me.
They will search for answers.
I know someday justice will be served.

I will be found.
And so will he.
Just got back into writing poetry after not writing anything for months.
Jul 2017 · 1.0k
Cemetery Gates
Alex Jul 2017
As sudden as an ocean wave, the valve in his heart gave up.
Standing at the cemetery gates I finally understood.
He is gone. He is missed.
But he is not coming back.

In the blink of an eye, he was under the truck.
Standing at the cemetery gates I finally found peace.
Peace with the truck driver and peace with myself.
Most importantly peace with God.

As the bullet hit the gun dropped from his head to the floor.
Standing at the cemetery gates I was angry.
Angry as his parents, angry at the school.
Angry with myself. But mostly angry at him.

Her car veered off the road, down the ledge and into the water but it wasn't an accident.
Standing at the cemetery gates I was lost.
I couldn't understand why this happened.
I couldn't fathom why she did this to herself.

Thanksgiving morning, metal on metal, laughter dies.
Standing at the cemetery gates I was broken.
My soul so tired, holding those around me.
One life was gone and another hung in the balance.

His father saw him drop the gun as his body fell, wanted to run and save his son.
Standing at the cemetery gates I was numb.
Numb with shock and fear and cold
During that frigid and depressing December.

You can't beat the train. He knew but didn't listen.
Standing at the cemetery gates I was empty.
So many pieces of my heart were taken during the year
I wasn't sure there was anything left.

Standing at the cemetery gates I look around at all the friends I have buried. I thought high school was supposed to be the simple time in life, but if that's the case, why did they all have to go?
RIP Mitch, RIP Ryan, RIP Christian, RIP Jenna, RIP Kyle, RIP Jack, RIP Dallas, RIP Kennedi
Jul 2017 · 345
Death
Alex Jul 2017
He is always there, always taunting, always waiting.
Leading me round and round, killing me slowly.
Everyday I am ready for him to find my secret,
A sin so dark he has no choice but to take me.
Jul 2017 · 244
The Time We Have
Alex Jul 2017
Death is a promise, not a threat.
Everyone dies.
And there is no way to escape it.
Death will find you.
Count your days, our time here is limited.
Jul 2017 · 289
Sometimes I
Alex Jul 2017
just need someone to talk to. Sometimes I can't do this on my own. Sometimes I can't bear this pain by myself. Sometimes I need to have a serious conversation with someone. Sometimes I realize that I need to let someone in. Sometimes I need someone to be there. Sometimes I want anyone, but usually I want only you. Sometimes I just wanna yell at you, other times I wanna kiss you. Sometimes I just want you.
Jul 2017 · 411
The Bird
Alex Jul 2017
I was walking along the river bank, thinking of her, when a white bird caught my eye. I wanted to get closer to get a better view. I jumped onto a rock in the river to begin my crossing. As I jumped to the second rock, I slipped, falling into the rushing water. The current kept pushing me down the river, dragging me under. Water fills my lungs as I see the bird flying through the treetops. The bird and everything else fade away into unthinkable darkness as my lungs burst.
Jul 2017 · 884
Love is Pain
Alex Jul 2017
Loving him was beautiful.
I was overwhelmed with emotion,
Showing my heart to him,
Piece by emotional piece.
Every night, he was the last person I talked to.
He made me so full of worth, so amazing, so perfect.
Our love was so pure.
Then something shifted.
Another girl, more amazing and perfect, caught his eye.
It was the most painful goodbye I had been through.
I knew then that I would never again fall in love,
Never give someone the power to crush me.
******* CJ
Alex Jul 2017
Love is a painful thing, with it's varying degrees, it's overemotional arguments. It gives someone power over your heart, a power that is often misused. Every time it is, it feels like they've taken away a piece of your heart, and stomped the life out of it. When it happens so often you are numb to it, you are not loved, you have been used.
Alex Jul 2017
Sometimes during our darkest nights,
We forget the ones who love us most.
We forget to appreciate those we yearn for,
Day in and day out.
Jul 2017 · 604
I Hate Him
Alex Jul 2017
"Go away," I said
Daring to hope that for once the
Overconfident ******* would listen
To what I said.
I hate him, I hate him, I hate him.
I had no idea about the upcoming days
Of pain.

"Pretty pretty girl," he said
As I looked up into his evil eyes
With their horrifying red rims.
I scream again.
He curses, hits me.
I hate him, I hate him, I hate him.
I change tactics.
Plead.
My baby needs me, please let me go.

Even after he left, I laid still.
He left me seeking vengeance.
I hate him, I hate him, I hate him.
Every tear had been released.
Inviting anger, I swear to myself
That if he ever comes close to me,
He must die.

He approaches.
Unleashing my anger upon him
I never thought that I could hurt someone
I once cared so much about
As I did to him that day.
No. **** him.
I hate him, I hate him, I hate him.
Groaning, he pleaded for my help.
Everyday I regret what I caused.
Death.
*trigger warning*

Sorry this one is so sucky.
Jul 2017 · 311
Short of Suicide
Alex Jul 2017
Creeping around me
Old memories leer
One stands out
Forever etched in my memory
An image of the agony he endured
Trying to escape his demons
Depression finds me
I'm in over my head
Will I ever see the light of hope again?
Jul 2017 · 358
Madness in Me
Alex Jul 2017
Deep in the endless darkness
Passing by the snapping jaws of my enemies
Raving mad and craving my blood
Endless sorrow radiating off of me
Wishing it was over
The never ending pain
Slowly killing me
I mustn't let them wim
Must keep going
They can not
Will not
Must not
Ever win
Jul 2017 · 310
Tears of the Moon
Alex Jul 2017
"Don't go."
I turn.
Stare at the innocent child looking back at me.
Imagine her running after me.
Following me to places she must never see.
Seeing this horrible filthy life.
Every night is the same.
Slowly ebbing away hope.
She wouldn't understand, I hope she never has to.
I don't understand why she desires my presence.
All I do is cause pain.
Too much pain.
Sorry this one is so bad
Jul 2017 · 269
Tears of Fury
Alex Jul 2017
Heightening blood pressure
Thoughts racing through my head
I urgently run down the hallway
Burst into the bathroom
To clear my mind and stop the reddening of my cheeks
Go outside get some air
All that matters is getting out
Jul 2017 · 182
#3
Alex Jul 2017
#3
Possibilities flood my already crammed full mind.
I wish for the end.
I need the spinning to stop.

It's too much pain.
I want to keep running.
I want to fly away.
Every day I wish for death to come take me.
Jul 2017 · 529
Lose my Self Control
Alex Jul 2017
I just want to let it all go. I'm done playing it safe. Free falling sounds like my next move. Cutting, vomiting, suicide. It's all becoming one, no boundaries from one to the next.
I hear others laughing and only cringe. Jealousy overtakes me. I can't remember what truly laughing feels like, what a real smile on my lips tastes like. What is happiness? Even just being okay sounds good at this point. Jealousy shoots through my veins as I think about the girls who don't take the blade to their skin, the girls who don't feel the need to starve themselves or ***** after eating, the girls who don't feel that death is their only option.
Being to this point where I don't care anymore is kind of nice, though. No more tears, no more emotions. Just the cold blade against my exposed skin.
People say I am getting out of hand. That's not true. It's just I don't care anymore. This world and the things inside of it mean nothing to me. By summer, I will be skinny. But keeping my grades up gets harder each week. I don't know how much longer I can hold up, staying in this world. The pain is so great.
But I keep forgetting that I don't care. I'm done here. Who needs life anyway? Who needs me? Death is the final option. My final option.
*trigger warning*
Jul 2017 · 230
Dying
Alex Jul 2017
Is it going six feet under the earth we walk on?
Or is it flying above it all?
I will soon find out as I must go.
I think about it everyday.
So I undress inside the closed bathroom.
I am prepared to taste death.
Today, I will.
*trigger warning*
Jul 2017 · 296
A Bottle
Alex Jul 2017
A bottle of whiskey
can ease the hunger pains
the soldier feels
as he lays in his bunk.

A bottle of tequila
can erase the images
the soldier sees
as he waits for the attack.

A bottle of *****
can mask the emptiness
the soldier finds
and he drink his life away.
Jul 2017 · 559
Empty Smiles
Alex Jul 2017
Empty smiles, broken dreams,
The pain takes her to new extremes.
Broken promises, people changed,
Why can't her life be rearranged?
Punches thrown, blood shed,
Going to school was to dread.
Hurting inside, downpour rain,
She shoots the drugs up her vein.
Burnt bridges, cut thighs,
In the agony she lies.
Dart secrets, dead heart,
On her body she puts her art.
Words hurt, she starves,
The pain in her skin she carves.
One truth, no hope,
She longs for a new way to cope.
Breaking hearts, she flies,
They learn to listen to the girl who cries.
Blinding lights, hospital bed,
They'll soon find out that she's dead.
Empty smiles, broken dreams,
They pain took her to the extremes.
*trigger warning*
Alex Jul 2017
Sometimes I go through a month or two where things start getting better, and I’m doing okay and then things start to happen and it gets bad again.
Alex Jul 2017
One of the nice things about being a messy person is that sometimes when you’re digging for something, you find something else. Something that you haven’t seen in ages, or have forgotten about. Something that makes you happy.
Alex Jul 2017
I’ll be okay. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but one day.
Jul 2017 · 1.2k
#2
Alex Jul 2017
#2
A midnight hour with cold wet air,
And fog that’s thick and grey.
Shadows lurk beneath the stair,
As the ghosts come to their prey.
Alex Jul 2017
If you hate me, tell me.
If you’re my friend, show me.
If you love me, prove it to me.
If you think I’m a monster, tell me.
If you like me, show me.
If you think I’m beautiful, prove it to me.
If you want to get to know me, tell me.
If you think we should be more than friends, show me.
If you think you know me, prove it to me.
If you lied, tell me.
If you think of me as gross, show me.
If you think I have purpose, prove it to me.
If you think I’m a freak, tell me.
If you think I’m your baby, show me.
If you never loved me, prove it to me.
Jul 2017 · 182
#1
Alex Jul 2017
#1
strange visitors
a locked corridor
hushed whispers
unexplained moans
Jul 2017 · 237
Reasons
Alex Jul 2017
You tell me to stop being crazy,
I tell you to give me a reason to be sane.
You tell me to stop being depressed,
I tell you to give me a reason to be happy.
You tell me to stop cutting my wrists,
I tell you to stop giving me reasons to.
You tell me not to **** myself,
I tell you to give me a reason not to.
You scream "Why?!" when you find my body,
My suicide note tells you I had every reason to.
*trigger warning*

— The End —