I have a hard time grasping the idea that
I'm not the only one you'll ever love

My heart seems to always ache
Whether it's for a friend
a family member
or a significant other
My heart seems to always ache

I've learned to stop asking when
the aching will cease
because I've realized
It won't.

Look in the mirror
What do you see?

Imperfection
As you reach left for
The tan crumbs to cover your uneven skin
And reaching right for
The black
Toxic
Goo
To give the impression that your stubby eyelashes
Aren't incapable of growing

You step back and look at yourself once more
Its not enough

You rummage for the crayon to
Smear across your eyelids
In hopes that it will make your
Dull
Brown eyes
Pop

Your face feels pounds heavier
Yet, are you really done so soon?
Aren't you forgetting something

You dig deep into the drawer
To find a
Burning
Red paint to drown your thin pale lips in
Longing for the look of that
Photoshopped
Supermodel you saw in that magazine

You come downstairs
Dad says you look like a clown
Mom says you're still a kid
Society says its not enough

What do you say

I'm broken
I'm torn
I'm twisted
I'm dark
I'm everything I shouldn't
For your sake, and mine
Keep your distance

I can no longer look in the mirror
Without seeing
Someone I don't recognize

I took a wrong turn
And this is where I end up
When can I create my own path
One for just me
Just myself and no one else
I still have a ways to go on this road
Before I find my own
But
What if I hate who I am
And I need to escape

You see,
This road of mine is ideal
I can be who I am
Yet nobody gets hurt
Not even I

I'll keep to myself,
I'm good at that
But I'll live my life at the same time

It's perfect.
Unlike me.

Sometimes
I catch him just looking at me
and my mind goes blank.
The way he looks at me
is one of the best feelings;
I feel wanted,
I feel like I'm the person that someone else
needs.
The way he holds on to me
feels like he never wants to let go
and I feel more than safe
but I can't have any of it.
I can't fall for the way he
gazes at me
and  I can't long for the way he
holds me.

Why do we always want what we can't have
Why is greed an essential part of the human mind

I can't help but
always seem to want what's not mine to have

I try my hardest to
resist because
it is in my reach

I've been spending countless hours
debating
but always come up with the same answer -

Leave it alone.

"but what if it's meant to be"

For all I know
I could be missing out on the one person who can make me the happiest
Instead
I settle for our friendship

It pains me to stay away
But I know it would hurt even more if I didn't