Of story-telling gargoyles with guns
Shooting blanks under a sky with no sun
But sun flowers, there happy faces stare
Up, from the field.
I found salvation under a tree
But I swear this rain brings out the best in me
From here I lit my fire
Burnt the tree
I'm hanging from the branches of that
same tree

And now I lost it
The text reference from the fire breathing dragon
But I did catch this:

Skate across the black river press
To a headline that says, "Put to Rest"
Laying down in my bed
I can't help thinking
Maybe she is the one for me
And what, really, is ****** reality?

If Frodo can carry the ring and its weigh, to Mordor, into the fires of Mount Doom, I can walk this earth carrying my backpack and its weigh.

A tree doesn't stop growing at the roots.
No
It extends towards the sky
Slowly towards wisdom
Towards a self
Lost in the wind.
Going
Growing
Learning

The highest self
Highest being

And the branches reach in every direction
North south east west
Each leaf
Cool shades of green
Growing
Learning
Knowing

Shade,
for sitting
Come and relax
Learning
Knowing
Teaching

The roots never show ware
Always holding
Growing strong

Digging
To know.

I thought I was helping
But all he did was continue blabbering on about dishes and days.
I told her the truth, I finished up earlier and had a little meeting with a filmmaker. Later, I decided to ask if could help out with the clean up.
For a short 15 minutes.

She said, "I don't know what that's about."

Now, I wait.
I could just pretend to be asleep when they come back.
Nothing really matters when you're sleeping.

My eyes are open, wide.
Everything is different.

The kids are playing games
And feelings are only physical.

She plays to win
And she does;
Then she moves on.

I'm going back in time.

I'm changing.

It was fine but I think I hate my job
And I won't spend anytime here
With you
I'm going to the other room
There's laughs and things
I would rather do
You just sit there
Wallowing in ****
In the pages of that book
Or with your headphones stuffed in
Deafening you to the world
You say you hate so much.

I can't take it anymore
Go be worthless somewhere else

"Darling you don't even know the worthlessness I consistently feel in your eyes, in that bed. I didn't see myself destroying me."

The silver lining in your eye
Weighed heavy
And beckoned me to study in moments passing by,
Swiftly passing through our days,
Until we found our way.

The hot springs, beneath us,
Gave birth to knowledge of the sky
I was lost, though, in your cinnabar eyes
And withdrew every part
To give it back, equally.

And
I demonstrated how the planets align,
And you loved the motion of my hands
As they described the distant

you fell before Venus.
She said, "take your time."
But you denied

If I had known those eyes would take me to hell, through quicksilver fields, to a sudden, winter season...

But we moved swiftly through our days
Until we found our way.

I look down
And realize how comfortable we have become in the way we view our sadness, our love, our friendships, our life.

Was he flexing at us? That boy on the train?

"Lol. I thought she winked at me bro!!"

Maybe if I pretend my favorite artist is in my ear, they will all leave me alone.

And I said, "no wonder we can't be poets, we have no way to reflect when we are constantly updating ourselves!"

Since we died,
Sirens scream at me to follow,
To lay.

She left the body
But I can't see.

I hear, I feel.

I cannot follow.

Darling, look at what we've done
The mess we've made takes more than cleaning up
It takes time to disappear
or we'll no longer care
About the words we said
Like where we'd be when we are dead
Or how our daughter would hate her mother
And I'd be her sweet, beloved father.

I had this dream and I was me.
More importantly the person I want to be
maybe I saw you there with me
I'm not sure. I'd like to think
It was you and me

When you left, I felt the change
And everything is making sense
I understand but not inside
Our bodies were meant hide
What we fear the most of life
Where am I? Who am I?
Did you ever exist?
Or was it all a dream?

Hallucinations of you
And him.

The beat and the sound,
I see her in the arms of someone else

The beat and the sound,
The blurring lights were enough to catch my eye

The beat and the sound,
I'll never be the blues and greens of your body

The beat and the sound,
It's all the same, over and over again.

You think I've never seen the hallow?
Where darkness moves himself around
It's in the center of the trees
Where I saw you standing last night
With only a moments hesitation
I moved to the left and sat down
The tree bows for a perfect seat
A sort of throne, you could say
Where I sat and watched you for an hour

You never really moved
Not on your own

It's just over the hill
The wind only stirs the leaves
And your fingers
Your toes rooted deep
No need for fear
The dirt will hold you here.

We were flying over Texas
Rather apprehensively
We dropped a few thousand feet from the turbulence.
I made a few dark, although humorous, jokes to myself.
Only imaginings, I thought

Then suddenly
The wind rushed,
I felt the pressure change
And then debris

I rushed for a parachute
I knew how to save my life

And I am, now.

We both know
What's coming soon
But we don't care
Let's just see
How much we
Can take
From each other
Before we leave

The specters of the stars
Illuminated by this moon tonight
Were summoned to the table.

The beat of distant wings sounded in my ear, "you're counsel,
It is yet a dreary fable."

"You scoundrel!
You know nothing of whats coming!
And we've been hinting in your ear
'you're failing!'"

Look into the forest
The avenue is littered with fear
I have become a fortress
To block the rains, the rage, the deer

By candle light - howls in the night
- I write of what these walls have shown.
Accept the light - this isn't right
- my emotions have all but flown

I see a ram in the moon
And the hermit guides me here
Will I be doing something soon?
My path seems pretty clear

My drunk old friend, what did you say?
Was it something like: roll the dice - go all the way?

You spoke of intangible love:
The leaves in the breeze,
The sound of the waves
Or falling rocks.

But you fight against love
From the ones you truly love.
The people who love you.

A sort of tangible love.

I took everyone away from their home in my heart and now they live in the back of my head. All in the name of "self." Oh how selfish of me to go away. Where am I when you need me and where are you when I need you? I need I and you need you. At least, I thought we needed only ourselves before I went away, met a girl and wrote a sad, sad movie. What do I write from here? I can go back to the way things were at home. Run back instead of run away. The endless days in bed with myself. Not loving or feeling anything. Dead-before-death person with a dream to be someone. Someone I wasn't working towards being. Someone I'm still not. I'm still the same boy, who can't seem to grasp anything, To love anyone, to be anyone.

Would the cancerous ocean accept the cure
I found among the moon's demure

For, beneath the depths,
You'll come upon the earth
And know of love, and all its breadth.

My sweet mountain girl
With your eyes of dirt,
Let me roll around in them.
Let me run my fingers through the vines
You grew so long
And then cut away.

I'm dizzy from the grapes we pressed;
The plague of these green hills.

I think about how I feel
How I'm always listening to my heart
"Won't you pump a little faster?"
I pumped
And she felt it
"Magic" she called it

We were never on the same page.

Magic comes from a wand
Or from the throat.

But I still can't hold a conversation
I run and hide
While my body stays behind
Right there,
In front of you

Do you see me?
Because I don't.

You took everything
But you seem to have left it all behind
The clouds in the sky
My my my...mind;
Where has it gone?

We concern ourselves with those people
As if we can do anything for a dead mouse
The air turns to dust
And we can't grow anymore.
We concern ourselves with it.

Is it magic or dark arts?
Sympathy is exhausting
When you take the heat from your body to light the fires of someone else's home.

I'll spark your sheets to ash.

Lights have gone out
In the streets
In the city of Paris;

As those stars dash through space
Turn your chin up
See them burning bright

And
In the mourning
As you carry the weight
Of the sun

Be reminded of the night

I've been stuck in a cold cave
You pushed me out into the sun
And all I wear is black
I think you think I'm wrong
But the sky is blue
Like I remember.

Did the moon block out the sun?
Did it effect everyone?

Because you love someone
I'll give up this ghost

So fragile is she,
The girl made of porcelain;
With every giant step
Towards something...
No, Someone new,
She breaks.
Allowing them to gather the pieces
And glue them back together.

She sits idly on the shelf,
watching the world pass.
Forever a treasure
No one wants to buy
And I have not the money,
Though I walk the aisles everyday
Eyeing the statue I long to set up
On the bedside table of my room.

There is no story to tell for this one. Just a list of key ideas: love, lust, big changes, confusion.

Remember: there are always two sides to a story; often you just don't want to go back and actually read it.

The plague of the green hills:
It brings on our dizziness.
Don't fall now
Or you'll break
In your fragile solitude.

"I told you,
To your face,
I don't love him.
What kind of a hint could you ask for?"

Darling
Remember when you told me
How everyone you've ever dated
Loved someone who wasn't you,
you were just a place-holder?
I know you told me,
He, and everyone in the future,
Will be what you are.

The worst truth:
At least you know what you are
And what I am;
I hope to find out my self.

Sitting on the couch,
I had a realization.
Most of us end up sitting on the couch anyway.
No matter how often we told ourselves we wouldn't be "the yuppy scumbag with a routine life."
Then,
I forgot about it
and moved on to something far more important.
How all people think about death. Everyone has thought about the inevitable end. Period.
Suddenly, I moved up one level of consciousness.
I asked myself what do immortals think about?
What do aliens think about? The same things as us?
What do gods think about?

And now the baby's crying
And I think about this poem

I have this awesome idea!

I want to write a poem or maybe a book about a man who thinks himself into insanity, and while taking on the role of the man, I drive myself to madness.

When I'm alone in my room
Please be someone I could hold
You look like you want to
I don't know if you want to

We don't need the room
We could hit the road
I will love it all the same
And the boy with your name

I could wait for you
I could wait for ever

I stepped nto the people
To find that 4 people where "joining" me.

The driver
A middle-age women
A man, sitting towards the rear of the bus
And...

"...down.
How yah brother?
Thats good!"

He muttered something under his breathe.
And then,
"...the sunset. The sun is going down.

Bye now."

I thought about this poem
And what I could mean.

number one:
She planted the seed
That made me leave.

Number two:
She tended the trees;
I bare the fruit.

He plays his guitar
Yeah, better than me
But does he have the passion
That makes you weak at the knees
Or is it all in his wit
With his tongue in his cheek
Like Saying, "baby, it's just a hobby."

Mother, measure the distance, are you proud?
Father, you won't ever know, are you proud of yourself?

Sister, you say your my friend but why won't you be my family?
Brother, let's dream inside the dream.

I am higher than the birds
I am farther than the sun
I am open to the universe
I am open to everyone

Can you force yourself to believe you are a version of your younger self? Can you think your way to 16? Can you relive every blade of grass, every damp spring breeze, every love and every hurt?
somewhere in there is a memory that is happier than the present. A moment you might not remember living. It is there and it is happy. So why not let it consume you? Make yourself feel better, somehow, in whatever way.

This house is no home
This town has no roads
Don't ever think this is permanent for me
And we can fake it until the summer comes
Because I have been dizzy since my death.

My spirit still goes.

I see the devil when you're gone
And
You left this god raging inside me.

I don't know who I should help.
But I don't care
I don't care.

I see the devil when you're gone.

You left me with this phantom feeling
Like your father did to you
And every man you've ever dated
Loved someone who wasn't you.
You told me while we walked the streets
Of this small California town
Where I'm just a boy from the other side
And I'm always looking down.

I look up slowly and see the red support beam lose its strong silver bolts. My lamp shakes moderately, to my right and the shade becomes askew. The weightlessness takes over my body and the bed slowly folds out from under me. I fall... To where I don't know. I cannot see.